Sometimes out of the blue I get this feeling that I did something wrong and people will come to get me, because of this. Then I keep on reviewing what I did throughout the day and see that I did not do anything wrong. What causes this? Is this ocd or paranoia? How to prevent/deal/improve with this?
Looking for an opinion on something. I was put on Cogentin (Benztropine) 50mg a day for a neuroleptic crisis some years back. Almost immediately, I had visual hallucinations and even reported them to the nurse, who ignored it. Things spiraled out from there and my bizarre behavior got largely ignored, thanks to being under-insured. Eventually, I developed a heart arrhythmia so I was required to cold-turkey it. I don't wish benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome on anyone. I had been on the medicine as well as narcotic-vicodin for about a year at that point. However, it made me wonder if having a paradoxical reaction to that specific hypnotic might be related to an underlying diagnosis?
My entire nuclear family, save for myself, each has at least three comorbid conditions a peice. They have all gone to years of therapy but I guess for not wanting to throw flame onto a burning trash fire, I was excluded. As a side note, I was also one of the kids who got placed in the drug trial for Ritalin--for adhd which my mother was told I didn't really have. I also ended up in the open market trial for Abilify some ten years ago, unknowingly. Ritalin made me catatonic and depressed. Abilify was a rather similar experience to Ritalin, except I also experienced anhedonia and dissociation. So technically that's three poor responses to frontline medicines...
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Had a tiny fight with my psychiatrist, he seems to be dobuting my diagnosis. In the hospital they tried to say i was bpd with bipolar, but my psychologist says i cant be bpd and even my psychiatrist used to think im not. I dont have any bpd traits other than emotional inestability. Anyways im mad bc people dobut my psychotic symptoms he thinks is just something from my imagination or something "typical" from me. Im mad bc the new medication is not working and now i have panic attacks i didnt had before. The hospital kinda helped kinda made things worse. I feel like my doctor has left me behind, he doesnt care anymore, if he had answered or seen me 15days before when i asked, before i had my big crisis i wouldnt had ended in hospital. Im scheduling an appointment with a new doctor. But i feel so lost, so sad, like no one can help me, not even doctors. Its not fair. This illness is destroying my life. Has anyone ever had this kind of problems with doctors? Have you had a moment where medication made things worse?
Do you ever have ultra-rapid/mixed-type episodes (imagine the flavor of uncontrollable crying, deep despair, hopelessness, with added dash of hysteria and near-psychosis). These episodes repeat each month (3-4x), but only last 1-2 hours...they have become more & more erratic as I've become older. It can be a small trigger, stress builds and it's like a mini-nervous breakdown, feelings overwhelm, before I can pull myself out. It can be quite traumatic, honestly.
No one can tell me what this major brain blip is. Most doctors have diagnosed me with major depression, but then I have these rapid "broken circuit" episodes i call them. I have never been manic or hypomanic.... I just usually feel depressed and then each month I have several of these "fits" where I completely lose it. WTH could this be?? My meds work the rest of the time, but I've never found a med that helps with these fits !?#$@%