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pinkfloydforeverlove

Feeling really shitty. Lost most of my friends

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I lost 2 friends recently. They are simply too busy with their lives/ significant others and they don't want to be friends with me anymore. It's taken a toll on my already-fragile self-esteem and general emotions. I'm also autistic and it's already hard to make friends. I feel so alone. Like no one really cares about me. Any advice on how to make friends? I deliberately posted this in the depression forum because this problem affects my depression more than anything else and I want advice from a neurotypical  person. 

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Based on people I've talked to, I think this is a really common problem. After leaving school, many people become so busy just keeping their own life running that friendships suffer. I also know several sets of people who had this problem and then met one another and that solved it for both/all of them. I'm less clear on exactly how to find such people. I like the idea of friend-finding services, because I imagine that's a really receptive audience. One I can think of is friendmatch.com, but there are also a bunch of apps. I don't know if they have a good number of people on them, though. I think local activity/hobby events probably have potential. The structure and purpose of the event can make interacting with strangers easier

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I suggest maybe looking for places to volunteer regularly. Like perhaps a museum. That way it’s a little bit like work. People as they get older tend to become friends with their coworkers. I think for anyone it can be hard to maintain friendships from your youth. Just keep your head up and keep trying. 

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I have lots of experience with feeling lonely and not having friends and actually having friends but feeling like I don't have them.  

It became clear to me recently that what I am looking for is connection.  That may be obvious to everyone else but it wasn't to me. I have found that instead of "looking for friends" I can just try to be around people and try to generally connect with the human race. If friendship should occur then that's good too. I go to a regular exercise class and that is one opportunity to make connections. I also like the idea of volunteering.  The lgbt group could also be good if you could make the time.

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Are you sure you’ve lost these friends? Friendships naturally change over time as people find partners and have children. It unfortunately means you get to spend less time with the people you once spent most your time with. That doesn’t undo the friendship completely, just changes it to something a little less close.

Also, if you are pressuring these people to spend time with you, that could easily sour a relationship, so be careful. I’ve done this myself and it’s not the way to go. On the other end, if you are making no effort to reach out under the assumption people don’t want to see you anyway, that can end a friendship too.

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