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So basically im dead inside.

I currently being emotionaly dull, i cant feel any motivation or desire to live, despite that im still doing my everyday things, going to college, working out, doing my usual duties and chores.

The thing is that i have an schizoid disorder, and im very paranoid.

I posted in addiction because one of the most destructive things is my addction to many things.

I smoke, not weed, regular cigarettes, the thing is that my parents think that i quited smoking but i dont, i wanna quit to, i hate it, and i hate it because my parents are well known religious leaders in my town and a lot of people know them and know me, when i smoke outside im always paranoid, i dont wanna live this way, my paranoia is getting worse but i always end up smoking again because my friends smoke and i always fall but i wanna quit.

If my parents get to know that i still smoke they probably stop paying my colleges fees, a lot of people know them and can snitch on me.

I have this fight, i cant keep going anymore, at the same time smoking helps me cope whit my side effectos made by my antipsychotics, but they dont understand, they always judge merciless even do im an adult in my twenties.

Can anyone give advice, all advice is very helpful.

 

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There have been some studies that show that nicotine interacts with szchizo- symptoms in a way that helps manage them more effectively. It makes sense that it'd be particularly hard to quit.

I don't have much advice, because I recently started smoking again after being quit for 5.5 years. So evidently what ever I do to quit isn't helpful in the long run. I get the paranoia, though, as I live near a whole bunch of people who think that I've quit, and who could really tear me a new one if that isn't true. Plus I live with my partner and I don't want for him to know that I'm smoking again.

So I get it. It's really hard.

Where I live there are quit-smoking clinics. There are hotlines and helplines. And pharmacists often have good suggestions too. So there is a system there for people who want to quit. I just can't tap into it right now. But maybe there's a system where you are, too?

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It sounds like the first step might be for you to find ways to get support for yourself that doesn't involve your parents.

School is usually able to offer that in some way. Does your school have anything like that?

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If they see you you could just say something like how you believe that one of your classes/working with one of your profs could be easier for you and you're brainstorming ways to achieve that.

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