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incoming mania


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I had to leave work last night an hour into my shift and the busiest part of it b/c my mania (which I describe as *seizures* b/c there's no way to describe mania to my managers) which comes on so quickly, started up again.  I had a tray of glasses and thought I was going to crash to the floor and started trembling slightly.  I was so unsteady and my signal headache on the right side of my head came in like gangbusters.  I thought maybe my blood sugar had dropped (I don't have diabetes, but wtf, it had to be something and I hoped it was something I could control even though this has happened in the past in exactly the same way and b/c I let it go, I got extremely manic) and drank oj, but I couldn't keep it together.  I went to the pantry and took seroqel and sat down for a minute, but I just couldn't get up and start to serve, tho I wanted to badly.  we were shortstaffed and things were getting really, really busy.  My manager told me to go home and started to serve the guests, but I just was and still am ashamed.  Eventually, I did, but before that, i kept going to the floor and tried to pick up drinks and trays.  Things were getting out of control tho.

I took more seroquel when i got home and passed out.  I still feel ashamed.  I still feel (like I did last night) that I should have been able to control it.  I wish I could explain what was happening to anyone, even people here.  I think it's inexplicable to anyone, except my doctor who has been trying to level me out and fully believes that this is mania and not just me being weird and looking for attention. 

;)

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Listen to your doctor.  Don't listen to that voice in your head that says it's your fault.  Shame isn't the answer.  Getting stable and learning what to do to stay that way is.

Try to be patient, work with your pdoc, and did I mention to be patient?  It takes a while to work all this stuff out.  In the meantime tell your pdoc exactly what happened and that you're freaked out about it.  That way he knows what's going on.

I'm sorry all this happened, especially at work when you're around other people and can't get away right away.  I too often try to work and function when I'm flipping out or need to have down time due to cycling.  I can tell you it's not the best way to help your BP.  Think of it as having the flu.  You wouldn't stay at work if you had a fever, would you?  Take your boss's advice and leave when you need to.  I bet you'd have felt better sooner if you had done that. 

Try not to blame yourself for your BP.  It's not your fault.  Hang in there.

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Hi Judy Doom, Welcome!

Well it certainly sounds like a stressful shift. You seem to have recognized a set of symptoms and triggers, so be sure to give all the details to your Pdoc.

You haven't described any symptom of mania.  The headache, unsteadiness and poor coordination could be symptoms of anxiety, purely physical or something else.  Again, I urge you to keep working with your Pdoc.

Seroquel is used for anxiety, but it is not fast acting (say an hour or so for action).  You might discuss with your Pdoc whether it would be appropriate to take some Seroquel before your shift so that you are pre-medicated for the anxiety/ symptoms. Alternatively, he may consider giving you something else which is faster acting.

It doesn't sound to me like you are trying to shirk your job responsibilities; keep on struggling.  Things will get better when you find the right med combo.

You didn't mention what flavor of Bipolar you have or what other meds you are taking.

If you haven't already found it, check out Dr. Phelps Bipolar website:

http://www.psycheducation.org

And for books, the one book to buy if you are only buying one is:  The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide  by Dr. Miklowitz

Regards,

A.M.    (I'm not a doctor...just tossing out ideas)

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Heya Judy,

Nice to meet you.

What NARS and AM said.

Don't beat yourself up -- okay, I say that to *me* daily, but there it is.

Read, learn and be your own best advocate.

--ncc--

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