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Holy cow this site is AMAZING! I’m in love! I’m a psych nurse who loves her (my?) job, currently on disability leave of abcense from work in order to ‘deal with’ my multiple substance addictions & corresponding compulsive behaviors that are vying with my ADD as reasons that my executive functioning is lacking... I was still outstanding at my job (once I showed up and while I wasn’t locked in the bathroom for 45 mins) right up until I had a full blown panic attack outside the inpatient psychiatric hospital where I work causing the admission team to call the paramedics who insisted on taking me to the ER. I managed to clearly enunciate that I was NOT having any suicidal thoughts or urges to harm myself and therefore being taken against my will to a hospital where they would want to start an IV and realize I have zero veins and tracks for days under thise long sleeve undershirts would constitute kidnapping which is still frowned upon in the first world. The paramedics released me to a family member and I chose a primary care physician who is also a Suboxone doctor and requested a medical leave of absence to be backdated to the day that I panicked instead of clocking in for my shift. I was given paperwork for a 90 day leave of absence and I became the patient for the first time in my life. So far I’ve been able to stay clean for 10 days straight after attempting to kick for almost 2 months and then relapsed for 18 days straight and now I’m looking at kicking again starting tomorrow... I wake up with that feeling of running out of time. I’m embracing failure as a valuble learning tool in a radical acceptance / gentle with self kind of way. I’m optimistic that I can kick this habit and be well on my way to slaying my own dragons (deamons?) by the time I’m due back on the other side of the nurse patient tango. I really was great at my job right up until I wasn’t great at anything anymore. I never diverted medication or made errors that resulted in harm. I’m proud of my nursing practice and I genuinely miss it and look forward to getting well (still sounds so strange to say it ‘outloud’) and returning to work. 

I happened upon this site at random while conducting an image search for a 25mg Quetiapine that was among my bottle of 200mg Quetiapine I had been asked to destroy for a patient who was no longer prescribed that medication... I’m beginning to see how full of shit I was when I thought I never diverted medication (never at the expense of a patient I should say because that allows my morality to remain intact).

Anyway, I randomly happened upon this site and immediately fell in love with it on so many levels. I read every heading and forwarded the link to the home page to 3 people at 3:30am because I make good decisions that have a positive effect on those around me. LOVE, love, love it! So real and so clever. I can’t wait to read everything everyones ever written! 

Oh and besides being a psych nurse (RN, BSN btw) I have an 80lb pitbull who I absolutely adore and who is easily the sweetest, most handsome dog ever & a boyfriend who I equally adore and who I succeed (i do?) at life because of and despite. He is also the sweetest and most handsome of boyfriends and he tells me I’m beautiful in a way that makes it feel true :). God! I can’t believe I’m just now finding this site! I can’t wait to tell all my patients when I go back to work! Nice to meet everyone :). Thank you for having me!

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