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This Doesn't Make Sense

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I have self-harmed, intermittently, for a long time. I thought it was because the pain is kind of... centering. Like when my thoughts are spiraling out of control it is something that can hold my attention, at least briefly.

I recently very badly sprained my ankle. I am in substantial pain (despite NSAIDs), which increases as the day progresses. It is overwhelming and leaving me feeling exhausted and weepy and out of control. Yes, I'm under the care of a doctor for this condition and following their instructions.

I want to cut, which doesn't make sense. I'm not sure what it would gain me.

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I think there's a difference between pain we can control and pain we can't. There's also the difference in sensation of self harm and pain of a sprain. It's a lot more complex that just being in pain in a way other than through self harm, so you shouldn't want to self harm. It sounds like you're going through a lot, which is understandable. Pain is challenging especially when you can't control it. It might help to try to be kind to yourself and understanding right now, than trying to understand why. Hope your ankle feels better soon.

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I think physical discomfort that lingers on for long periods is one of the most demoralizing things a person can struggle with. It gets in the way of everything

If self-harm acts as a way to help you center yourself, to me it makes sense that this constant distress you're having now might set off those urges for immediate relief. 

Is it possible to tone down some of your personal/environmental stress for a little while? Are there ways you can help yourself feel more in control of the situation in general? Maybe someone would help you take on tasks; or at least hear you out and help you feel better temporarily. 

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