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should I stay or should I go


HELP ME  

19 members have voted

  1. 1. HELP ME

    • Leave all 3 MI kids to their inadept and controlling fatherGo and live in my brother and MI stepsister's house who is really the oppositive pole of myself.. in my own self contained apartment..( to be built)To (almost asurredly) be subject to be baby sitting and household duties... .( including meals) plus rent
      8
    • Stay put.. wait it out , plan and prepare for independant living and hope for the best...
      9


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My happiness is between the hours of 7:00 amd 4:00  when I am alone    sad but true. I still love him or the idea of him..    I need help..

you are special to me NYPL. LIke an old friend I lost..FROSTY

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Frosty, I too needs do my h/w and read yer thread. But, wanted to tell you, I'm one of the homebodies during the day. If you're having a shitty one (even while you're having your alone time) send up the flag.

I'll pm you with more info.

Hugs,

Suze

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Heya Frosty,

You need to do what helps you be okay.

It sounds like you've figured out what that is, but have some obligations that concern you.  You care about the kids.  Lucky kids, to have you care about them!

It's hard and scary to leave.  Will you be safe when you leave?  Is there any threat or whatever?  I *know* women who are legitimately scared to leave b/c of death threats, threats to the kids, etc.

If after you leave you are concerned about the kids in that house, as AM said, call Children's Aid, or the kids' grandparents.  It's obvious you care about the kids and want them to get better care.

You can help them without being in a house with them.  And you have to take care of yourself first.  No matter what.  You have to take care of yourself.

And they will benefit from seeing your strength.

--ncc--

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;)

Everybpdy is so right.. My mind says it is never going to get better.. He started to rant and rave about some date I had six years ago when he said to me he was not interested in a commitment because of his kids .. I understood so I went on a date with someone I had known for about six months and I slipped up and mentionned it about  4 years ago.. 

He was furious.. I thought to myself .. he is losing his marbles and I mean seriously MI'd now..

I go see the Pdoc tomorrow and It is going to be a long and painful session.

He has great influence over me. I know you are all right in your responses.

I told my sis-in-law the whole truth and she cried for the kids. They will go back to foster care..He is unable to care for them.. They broke 2 chairs in the D/R from an Dutch imported 15000 grand  set so I set up a card table and folding STEEL chairs in Dad and the kids  computer room. to do their homework. I am right on the main floor to help with home work still.. Dad got angry again and spilled a jug of water on all their school stuff because they had left it out on the table messy.

They are MI.. I could not stop him..  I was very sad..If I leave....... Thank you all .. I pray.. that I do.. It took me 13 years to leave the first opportunist in mylife...

I do not know.  I talk to Doc tomorrow.. And  thank you all to those who contacted Steve.. You are kind.. Frosty.    :)  

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Frosty,

I don't know whether it helps or not, but when I was in my first marriage, my therapist told me that when the pain of remaining exceeds the pain of leaving, I would leave.  I hung on way past that point, but in the end leaving was the best thing for me.

Tommy

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Frosty. I was married for 33+ years when I decided to bolt. Absolutely the hardest thing to decide to do. Yes it was painful at times, but I AM NOW ME once again. My case was difference as my kids were out of the house. But in the end I had to decide MY LIFE'S DIRECTION. What did I want to be doing. Kids are only temporary in your care. Sooner or later they leave and you are left with the remanants of what? Yes I am slightly negative here, but my kids don't really talk to me anymore(they have their own life is what people say).

I am alone in life and I can survive. I don't need anyone, but I do desire someone to compliment my life. I am more secure now then in the 33 years of marriage.

If I want to be fucked up I can be fucked up- I answer to myself. If I suceed I do so on my terms, if I fail it is because of what I do. All the things that I was so worried about prior to divorce ended up not being true.

What we have to do is take care of ourselves before we can take care of others.

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I had a very trying day today.. A old friend called to say her marriage had broken up because of fighting, arguing, indifference..

As I listenned to her pain, my pain surfaced as I realized this was me.

I barely could keep from crying.. She sounded so torn but knew it was right

I told her she was a very courageous woman.. and I respected her decision..

After hanging up, my tears flowed, my husband came home early and I told him and all he had to say was she just wants her freedom.. to go out with men

I said their fighting and arguing is that not similar to us? He said well you are the problem.. You lie about this and this..We just have to live and not trust each other.. Amazed I just looked at him..

He cannot see the real truth. I cannot eat,drink, go out, have friends, unless I have his permission ..So I do hide things

He is control obsessed now.Yes something is wrong but he will not go see a therapist for counseling and meds.  My decision to leave is made .

It will take some time but I must do it. The person I knew is gone. Maybe I never even knew him. I pray not to weaken. I cannot. FRosty

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I said their fighting and arguing is that not similar to us? He said well you are the problem.. You lie about this and this..We just have to live and not trust each other.. Amazed I just looked at him..

He cannot see the real truth. I cannot eat,drink, go out, have friends, unless I have his permission ..So I do hide things

He is control obsessed now.Yes something is wrong but he will not go see a therapist for counseling and meds.  My decision to leave is made .

It will take some time but I must do it. The person I knew is gone. Maybe I never even knew him. I pray not to weaken. I cannot. FRosty

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

frosty,

you are brave.

this is a good thing.

keep reminding yourself every day. keep fighting to go in the direction you are going in.

pj

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tonight was hell . He came home late after saying he would be home for supper, drunk, and ready for battle. I tried but had to defend myself. He actualy told the kids he thought I slept with my brother, we were so close, He is really sick

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tonight was hell . He came home late after saying he would be home for supper, drunk, and ready for battle. I tried but had to defend myself. He actualy told the kids he thought I slept with my brother, we were so close, He is really sick
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