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What is it called when you date guys but can only fall in love with girls?

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I've dated guys my whole life, but love -- that all-consuming, soul-crushing, heart-bearing love -- has only occurred to me with women. I don't know if this means I'm gay or what. I mean, I'm physically attracted to men, just not emotionally attracted to them like I am to women, I suppose. :( It's been hard to come to terms with this because I don't know if they have a name for it and I like things nice and boxed. So, is there a word for it? I'm understandably a little sensitive about this issue so if you wouldn't mind being a little sensitive too, that would be great (although tough love is sometimes necessary, I hear.) 

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Bisexuals generally form emotional bonds with just one sex and and see the other as for sex and excitement.  Some go through a bisexual phase before they come out as gay. I think it is important to do what works for you and to hell with he labels and politics.

Edited by notloki

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You are of course the only person who can know what you identify as, or if you want to identify as anything at all, but I believe what you're talking about can be described as being heterosexual and homoromantic. That is, being physically attracted to the opposite sex and romantically attracted to the same sex.

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Maybe you're bisexual and homoromantic? Labels are frustrating and you don't have to have them if you don't want. I get the desire to want a label, as it makes things cleaner and there's a sense of belonging. I was like that once, but things have changed for me over the past few years. 

I would probably fall under bisexual/biromantic but the politics of claiming those labels is dicey for me, as I've never been in a same-sex relationship. I came out to one of my parents who told me to never tell anyone. So I just change my label depending on who I'm talking to. 

Edited by survivingbp

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Wow, thank you guys so much. I never thought about it in any of these ways, I was just confused.

Bisexual and homoromantic feels right. I never knew there were even such "labels" out there. I know you don't need a label, but they do help make me feel more at ease. 

@survivingbp, I'm so sorry that one of your parents said that. That just isn't right. :( I'm sorry. I hope they come around eventually.

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My experience is somewhat similar though maybe milder. I’ve exclusively dated and been sexually active with women and I have no desire to ever date men but wouldn’t rule out being purely sexually attracted to one. 

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When I was in high school, I was in preference to men, but still liked women. I did still have romantic feelings to both, but I had a preference. Now, not so much. I'm engaged to a man, and am actually looking for a girlfriend....for me, and just me. I identify as pansexual, however, because gender no longer matters much to me. If I like you, I like you. I don't really care about what's between your legs. 

I get that society has made it seem like we have a survey in front of us, and there are some checkboxes in which we are suppose to explain who/what the hell we are, but fuck that. Really, fuck that. We will love who we will love, and be sexually attracted to who we will be sexually attracted to [in a legal sense, I am not saying that pedophilia is a good thing or some b.s. like that. I mean consenting adults]. We should just be allowed to be happy with whatever partners we have, and the life we have/choose. Fitting in isn't fun, why fit in when you can stand out? That's what makes you unique, and well, you! 

If you're happy doing and feeling the way you do, then don't worry about fitting into some little checkbox. Trust me, it won't work, the checkbox is way too small for your or even my entire personality. 

However, I do suppose if you're on a dating site, or something like that, or are being asked your sexual orientation you can just say you're bisexual instead of explaining your entire personal romantic life. You do you, boo.

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You are not alone. I've met people of all sorts of orientations. I once had a hook-up with a girl who identified as heteroromantic but homosexual. Personally, I'm still not sure either. I know now that I am biromantic, but sexually there is this stereotypical straight woman inside of me that sees penis and gets turned on. But I guess its also that Ive encountered a lot of (female) pillow princesses and passivity usually doesnt turn me on. 

Good luck!

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Gawd! All these labels. I'm a heterosexual man so feel free to ignore my opinion. I don't remember choosing to find only woman attractive, and given my lack of anything that could respectably be called a sex life it would've been nice to have more options. But anyway, I read something a while back which is completely obvious but also sort of mind blowing. It was something like 'gay people are only gay when they're having sex'. Duh! There aren't gay people, there are only people who are gay. Which sounds like a petty distinction but it's actually important I think. I have no interest in anyone else's sex life but homophobes do, which is fucking weird. But that's why all these labels are a bit annoying. It's good in a way to have a name for how you feel but all those terms like heteroromantic, homoromantic and biromantic. Just be romantic. Whoever you feel attracted to you're just a person with whatever sexual preferences. Labels just get in the way.

End of rant. (Did that sound a bit arrogant? "I'm so fucking enlightened that I can look beyond mere labels. Muwahaha! For I am the King of political correctness and I shall descend amongst you mere mortals to teach you the un-PC errors of your ways. Muwahaha!" Frankly if someone else had written what I'd just written I'd think they're a self-righteous arsehole. I'm not actually a big fan of political correctness - it has it's uses but also it's flaws. Now that definitely sounded arrogant you arsehole. Oh shut up brain!)

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I am the same way but backwards from you. It dawned on me that I was bisexual but the homoromantic label I don't feel applies because not being attracted to men is not necessarily always the case. I'm dating a man. And being attracted to women isn't either. Sexuality and other identities are on a spectrum and so you may be different than the next person. Labels can be helpful, if that's something that helps you, and of course it is your decision what you tell other people. Some people don't like labels. This stuff can be really complex maybe a little distressing when you're having a hard time finding yourself and that's valid. 

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I totes get the confusion though. I thought I was bisexual and heteroromantic. Then I thought I was biromantic but heterosexual. For now, I think I'm bisexual and biromantic, or, if that's easier ''queer'' or ''pansexual''. I tend to fall easier for women (I think?) but sexually, I tend to prefer men. Or just penis. Or just exciting experimental stuff in the bedroom, regardless of the gender of my partner? I don't know. I don't care that much for boobs but I do care for male butts. I'm also attracted to people outside the binary. Idk man.

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On 10/20/2020 at 12:20 PM, Seahorse said:

I totes get the confusion though. I thought I was bisexual and heteroromantic. Then I thought I was biromantic but heterosexual. For now, I think I'm bisexual and biromantic, or, if that's easier ''queer'' or ''pansexual''. I tend to fall easier for women (I think?) but sexually, I tend to prefer men. Or just penis. Or just exciting experimental stuff in the bedroom, regardless of the gender of my partner? I don't know. I don't care that much for boobs but I do care for male butts. I'm also attracted to people outside the binary. Idk man.

You're you. Labels are shit anyway.

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Hypersexuality during mania completely messed me up. I would be chasing some girl around and somehow in all the frenzy of that crush I would put off major vibes or energy, so that I would end up with a boyfriend but totally be mentally and emotionally into whatever girl it happened to be that month. From age 8 to 37 the pattern never changed. 

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