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Notloki, I don't remember sneering and telling you when you should tell someone you use meds. You may be surprised to learn that you and I are two completely different people. Apparently, I scared off the right men, because I've been happily married for 18 years. So I think my method worked for me. Maybe you'll find one that works for you. But I expect it will be different than mine, because we are two completely different people.

But this is not the first time you've dismissed something I've personally experienced as untrue. I wish you wouldn't do that, but you clearly take pleasure in it, so I expect it will happen again.

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17 hours ago, crtclms said:

Notloki, I don't remember sneering and telling you when you should tell someone you use meds. You may be surprised to learn that you and I are two completely different people. Apparently, I scared off the right men, because I've been happily married for 18 years. So I think my method worked for me. Maybe you'll find one that works for you. But I expect it will be different than mine, because we are two completely different people.

But this is not the first time you've dismissed something I've personally experienced as untrue. I wish you wouldn't do that, but you clearly take pleasure in it, so I expect it will happen again.

I don't remember sneering at you. I just had a different opinion than you. That happens here so get used to it. I found your post childish. 

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I tend to talk about mental illness history fairly early on because my history of SH would be visible to a partner. I've only been in that situation 3 times and in all cases the relationship continued and that wasn't an issue. My spouse also has MI, but the previous 2 people I dated didn't. They were still able to have a reasonable conversation about it. I'm sure it can scare people off, but I don't think it will scare off the people that could really be a good fit

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So I'm still seeing the new guy. Its been about a month and hes staying over regularly. Question for you all that told your successful relationship partner. ... how long into the relationship did you tell them? 

 

 

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1 minute ago, Eilatan said:

So I'm still seeing the new guy. Its been about a month and hes staying over regularly. Question for you all that told your successful relationship partner. ... how long into the relationship did you tell them? 

 

 

I told my husband pretty much immediately. He appreciates that I did because he always says when I get paranoid about him leaving me (common when I’m ill), that he knew what he was getting into from the start so there’s no reason he’d leave now. 

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3 minutes ago, saintalto said:

I told my husband pretty much immediately. He appreciates that I did because he always says when I get paranoid about him leaving me (common when I’m ill), that he knew what he was getting into from the start so there’s no reason he’d leave now. 

You're so brave. I'm scared to trust him and yet I yearn to be honest and stop all this sneaking about with meds!  

 

Ps I'm really happy he is so supportive and you got married!!

Edited by Eilatan

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1 minute ago, Eilatan said:

You're so brave. I'm scared to trust him and yet I yearn to be honest and stop all this sneaking about with meds!  

I guess I just didn’t want to grow emotionally attached to someone who could very well reject me. I wanted it all out there at the start so I knew for certain whether the relationship would have a future or not. We’ve been married 12 years now.

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16 minutes ago, saintalto said:

I guess I just didn’t want to grow emotionally attached to someone who could very well reject me. I wanted it all out there at the start so I knew for certain whether the relationship would have a future or not. We’ve been married 12 years now.

Wow congratulations! You give me hope!!! X x   

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I haven't had experience in length of time in disclosing mental illness in regards to a relationship because I just got out of a long term one and haven't started looking yet. That being said, I am VERY open about my mental illness and the meds and therapy I use. I personally think that the stigma surrounding mental illness is partly due to the fact that people who suffer from, and medicate because of, it are secretive and act like it's something that's wrong. All of my friends, coworkers, managers, and family members know about mine. I try to be so open about it in the hopes that someone who may be suppressing their own issues might become a little more comfortable with considering treatment. 

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35 minutes ago, SKC said:

 I personally think that the stigma surrounding mental illness is partly due to the fact that people who suffer from, and medicate because of, it are secretive and act like it's something that's wrong. 

There is a reason we are secretive. I can understand telling a potential partner about it because I need to know if that relationship is ever going to be anything or if the person is going to bolt. But I have had very damaging experiences being very open about my mental health. At first I really was and it bit me in the ass. I found that family wasn’t particularly supportive. I found that friends I valued ran the other way, and I found that coworkers started distancing themselves from me. At University I found that even in graduate school, I faced poor treatment from my professors. I was told no one wanted to know I was ill or how it affected my work when I asked to write about its Influence. This is not on us.

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I can see both sides. I agree in principle for being open and upfront but at the same time I fear rejection. I guess I should just trust my instincts and tell him when it feels right. 

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20 hours ago, Eilatan said:

So I'm still seeing the new guy. Its been about a month and hes staying over regularly. Question for you all that told your successful relationship partner. ... how long into the relationship did you tell them? 

It's been a while and I have a terrible memory. I think with my (now) spouse I told him somewhere in the first month or two. We'd been friends for a few months before that, so the timeline might be different if you didn't know the person before you starting going on dates. I think that trusting your gut is a good idea. I find disclosing mental health info is scary every time, even with people I've known for a really long time.  If you feel comfortable discussing other personal topics with him then I'd consider the relationship at or near a good level to bring up mental health

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19 hours ago, saintalto said:

 

There is a reason we are secretive. I can understand telling a potential partner about it because I need to know if that relationship is ever going to be anything or if the person is going to bolt. But I have had very damaging experiences being very open about my mental health. At first I really was and it bit me in the ass. I found that family wasn’t particularly supportive. I found that friends I valued ran the other way, and I found that coworkers started distancing themselves from me. At University I found that even in graduate school, I faced poor treatment from my professors. I was told no one wanted to know I was ill or how it affected my work when I asked to write about its Influence. This is not on us.

I'm really sorry you had to deal with and go thru all of that. It's really fucking sad that people react that way. I hope I didn't come across as being insensitive. I know everyone's situation is different.

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I haven't dated in 28 years since I got divorced.

when I have tried dating in the past I go into a rageful mania that is ugly. I have vowed never to put myself or anyone else through that again.

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