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What a horribly manic day alone (long)

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Hi--I was diagnosed with MD about a year ago but haven't found a really great p-doc, although the latest did uncover ADD, which makes a lot of sense.  So I've been on Adderall (20 XR and 10 immediate later in the day) and titrating very slowly on Lamictal since October of last year.  The past 2-3 weeks on 155 and 170 have been a bit difficult.  I'm not sure what's happening, but thought I'd share because this board has been so helpful in the past.  I feel lost--I'm not sure how I define 'mania' for myself, but I guess I'm learning....I wrote this a couple hours ago while in an uncontrollable state--one of my first & very scary.  Depression over the past 10 years has been horrible at times but nothing like this. It's really long-winded--sorry, but I'm new to this & feel overwhelmed.

I couldn

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Hey Sita.

I'm really sorry, but I just got back to uni (from the class Brain Structure and Function) and I feel like this is a case study or something. I'm real sorry if my post makes that obvious.

That, to me could be anything. Just a normal "omg I feel like doing stuff" day, could be hyper activity from ADHD, OCD, Mania, etc. Depends on the context I think. I'm amazed you remembered all that stuff, and the order you did them in. People remember things better if there is emotion attached to them (thanks to the amygdala). And, you were paying attention to what you were doing too, even though you were easily distracted, which makes me think it's mania, rather than add. I don't know, just guessing, I don't have add, so I can't really know what it's like. A text book only says so much. I'm probably so wrong, just trying to be smart, that's all.

Also, if it were ocd, you'd probably be really nervous if you stopped cleaning, and you'd keep thinking about it. Which would be similar in mania anyway, because you could feel anxious then, and you'd be thinking lots and fast anyway. But since this seems like a sudden thing, rather than all the time, then it's more likely to be mania. You seem to want to do the cleaning because you feel it's just important, rather than doing it to avoid something bad.

I don't know about avoidance. When it comes to exam time, I find an incredible amount of energy to do anything and everything - except study. But what were you avoiding, making this post? If you done it first, you would have all that cleaning to talk about.

But yeah, the fact you don't feel normal is the worst part. This all could be normal, but if you don't feel good about it, then that ain't good. Hopefully your therapist will give good advice, who knows more about you. It could be them meds, I don't know. A random manic day that could happen to perfectly healthy people. I think.

Have days like this happened before, but?

P.S When I say manic, I also mean hypomanic.

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Thanks a lot for your reply.  I have been doing this for the past three weeks, month, at least that I've noticed.  It's worst about an hour or two after I get up--which makes the first half of the day quite productive if I can focus one thing & 'make the most of it'.  It has been getting worse, with the worst episodes by far occurring when I am alone (why is this?).  The onset is definitely sudden.

I think if I would have stopped I wouldn't necessarily have felt uncomfortable about stopping the cleaning, or constantly thinking about what it was that I had stopped doing.  I was pretty conscious that I was on the go; I just couldn't stop because at the same time I knew it wasn't 'normal' that I couldn't stop, I felt very satisfied, with a sense of accomplishment.  Again I think of how important what I was doing seemed.  It seems a bit overblown now.

Later that night I stayed up on the web for hour after hour.  Went to bed at 5, woke up at 7.30 on my own--very abnormal for me.  My sleep has *definitely* gotten worse.  But *why* I can't go to sleep earlier bugs me.  It's not like I don't know I'm tired.  Once I get to bed I fall asleep right away.

It sure reads like an excerpt from a Jamison book or something! Will print it out today for both my therapist & p-doc.

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Man, that's a damn slow lamictal titration!  I was up to 200 after 2 months, and that was following the manufacturer-recommended titration.  Five months to get to 170!  Wow!  You're spending a lot of time on sub-therapeutic doses, which explains the prolonged hypomania and lack of sleep.

Are you in therapy?  I'm a big therapy person.  Cognitive therapy might give you some tools to break the cycle up and allow you to change gears.  It's not a substitute for medication, but it can make it easier to get through the changes.

Anyhow, I'm sorry I wasn't able to read your whole posts; maybe I do have a touch of ADD, because I get lost in long paragraphs.  But I think I got the sense of them.  Maybe you can call someone when you get all lost in your projects?  It might give you a break.  Meantime, tell your pdoc that you're not getting sleep and show him your posts.  Sleep deprivation = mania for me, and for most people with BP.  My pdoc has insisted on keeping me on whatever it takes to help me get to sleep, and his first question is always whether I'm sleeping well.  And if your mania is untreated, well, that's just unsafe.

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Heya sita,

Welcome to BP ;)

This sounds *so much* like my hypomanic eps, except for my urges to crash the car and my continuous cursing and my hating the world.

The plus is that we have a clean house :)

The minus is that we're a bit scared about it.

Plus we get depressed afterwards.

Have you seen your psych or therapist yet?


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Thanks for all the responses, guys.

Oh, how good it feels to know others get that way, too--it helps me get a handle on what it is I go through.

My p-doc said it might be a 'mild' case of hypomania.  I quickly corrected him. ;)   So he said off the Adderall for a week & then we'll check back in.  I lasted two days, and had to get major stuff done for work so started to take 10mg immediate release twice a day.  Not bad.

My therapist (I've been in therapy for about 6 months, maybe a bit more), totally identifies it as (hypo)mania & I've talked with her about how 'abnormal' I feel.  She's great & we're developing coping strategies.  Calling a friend is a great idea---I've noticed that when my boyfriend is around it's easier to remember & believe that I can control it somewhat.

Nars, about the slow titration--my first time around on Lamictal I titrated up to 150 within 4 weeks, and broke out in itchy hives in the middle of the night, and hot flashes during the day (flushed face, mild fever).  Hence the slow titration this time around.  I've had no problems whatsoever.

But what's the correllation between a slow titration & prolonged hypomanic states?  Very interesting...

As far as sleep, the first thing my therapist said when I told her about not getting to sleep until 5am was, 'this has got to stop'.  She couldn't emphasize enough the importance of sleep.

I still wonder why it's so darn hard for me to walk myself to bed sometimes???  Once I get there I have no problems falling asleep, but I have this problem with thinking that it's time to do that.  Anyone? :embarassed:

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My dad does exactly as you described except that he's not aware that he might be bipolar. He says he has to keep busy all the time and he is VERY busy, going all over the place. All the more reason for me to accept what the doc says about me.  ;) Sorry, I'm new and don't have advice, but your post was helpful to me thanks!

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