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Just lost

New/old cutter

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Technologically  challenged...this is my first chat room.  Hope I got it right and someone can see this...

 I am 66 years old, been on anti depressants for 12 years or more, why count...have never found a therapist worth the title.  I cut myself for just the 2nd time tonight because the first time, a week ago, seemed like the right thing to do.  After two or so years of life being crap, everything in my life started going great about two months ago, and when that happened I just started feeling nothing.  These little cuts are the only thing I feel, and the only thing that is totally under my control.  I know I am heading the wrong way.

 

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Hi, there. This was exactly the reason I started cutting, years ago - I didn't feel anything and it made me feel something, and I could control it. I am recovered now but I vividly remember what that felt like.

Do you have a psychiatrist? Have you tried different medications besides SSRIs, or combining multiple medications?

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Thank you...so glad I’m not alone.  I have a psychiatrist for 12 years, see him every 3 months for med checks...we have tried various drugs alone and in combo...our meetings have been “I’m fine.”  Tried several therapists to no avail.  We’re moving in a few months, so hoping for a clean start.  New place is close to the beach...always a peaceful place to me.

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Moving can be great but also stressful. Maybe the new pdoc will have some new ideas for meds to try. What are you taking currently? Any possibility of increasing the dose of something?

 

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Control and feeling nothing, reminds me of why I used to cut. But I did feel something, just that my feelings were too much of a mess to make any sense of and I wanted it to stop. The pain can focus your mind and help you forget all those messy emotions for a while. It's not a good way to cope though, as you no doubt know. I wish I had some great advice to offer you which will make you stop. I stopped after I accidentally went too far one time, which hardly makes an inspiring story to help you. I completely understand why you do it but I wish you wouldn't.

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Hi.  Occurred to me, Juniper, that we just changed my meds last month.  Feel like I can’t see my hand in front of my face!  Am taking Effexor, lamictal, with xanax and ambien on the side.  Stopped Wellbutrin and in a downward spiral since.  Hope starting that again will help me pull it back together..

To Fluent, you hit the bullseye.  

I cut when I’m drunk, so first step for me will be Wellbutrin to help reduce drinking...and to connect again with my friends and family who I’ve been keeping at bay since Xmas.  Maybe start walking my dog again.

You helped me a lot, my friends.

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Hi Lost

Hope your move went well and you're finding better help in the new location.

Drinking and cutting is a bad idea, to easy to go too far (been down that road ?). Did the Wellbutrin help?

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Hi, Sras..haven’t moved yet, nearing  panic mode...yes, the Wellbutrin helped a lot.  Didn’t hurt myself again, but I keep thinking about it.  Holding on.  Still don’t want to socialize.  Maybe soon.

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