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Don't feel sorry for me. It's all my fault. My mental health ALWAYS gets in the ways of my academics year after year, semester after semester. What's the point in trying anymore? I had to walk out of class today because of a really bad anxiety attack. It was my favorite class too. World Civilizations 2. And I can't even succeed at what I love anymore. I'm through with this! I'm done trying when life just keeps kicking me down! I can't do this. Here I am crying cause I'm failing one of my classes (still my fault) and my parents keep on shoving that in my face, like I'm not good enough. I'm not looking for sympathy. Please. I just want this nightmare to end. 

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Medical leave a possibility? Take some time for urself to fix things up w/o the stress? Worked for me 

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1 hour ago, pinkfloydforeverlove said:

Don't feel sorry for me. It's all my fault. My mental health ALWAYS gets in the ways of my academics year after year, semester after semester. What's the point in trying anymore? I had to walk out of class today because of a really bad anxiety attack. It was my favorite class too. World Civilizations 2. And I can't even succeed at what I love anymore. I'm through with this! I'm done trying when life just keeps kicking me down! I can't do this. Here I am crying cause I'm failing one of my classes (still my fault) and my parents keep on shoving that in my face, like I'm not good enough. I'm not looking for sympathy. Please. I just want this nightmare to end. 

What's the point in trying anymore?

Well, I assume that you've been in school for awhile? You've paid for classes, registration, books, etc. And you've paid with your time, that you'll never get back? Why just give up and waste all that effort, time, and money? Especially on your class you don't excel in? I've not been in class for awhile, for financial reasons, that's it right now. My GPA is under a 2.0 right now because I fucked off in a class and didn't go to the other. I actually did all of my remedial math I needed to, and passed. Math is not my subject. I've been in remedial classes since I was in junior high, and now in college. If I don't get my GPA back up, I can't transfer - anywhere. And if you get financial aid like I did, that's aid wasted on you that could have gone to someone else. Student loans, wasted. Grants, wasted. All of it, wasted. Don't waste this stuff! Especially since you love some of your classes, that's the point of the ones that are aiming towards the degree you want - you choose your degree plan. I know basic courses suck, I'm still doing them, well when I'm in school. But your degree is suppose to be used towards a career, a career is something you like to do, love to do, or enjoy doing. A job is..a job!

> ......And my parents keep on shoving that in my face, like I'm not good enough.

And getting a degree towards a career could mean a better life for yourself, including making your parents proud. Trust me, on the parent part, been there, still doing that. Seems like nothing I do will appease my dad. I graduated high school early, with honors, because I wanted to and began college. I also worked a full time and part time job while getting full time college hours. He wasn't proud of me, if he was he had a funny ass way of showing it. When I started college, I wasn't diagnosed with anything. No meds, nothing. I had bad anxiety attacks, too. I got physically ill and had to go home. I did my best to not skip classes though. Have you seen your therapist/pysch. [whoever you see] lately? Sounds like you may need to, or even a college counselor. I even saw my college counselor when I had issues with my mental health and class, and then my therapist. Because one was school based and one was more mental health based, and usually combined their advice together. 

A quote I'm pulling from the movie The Haunted Mansion, that Madame Leota said quite well,

"You try, you fail, you try, you fail - the only true failure is when you STOP trying." 

If you give up now, and give up on yourself, then you'll be failing. If you're still putting forth effort, you're still trying. That's what's important. 

I don't feel like I'm giving you sympathy, I feel like I'm throwing some tough love your way. I know with my degree - I want to teach or do social work - I'll have many more career choices available. I know that teachers may not make great money, but 30k-40k a year, depending on what state I teach in, is better than SSI each month plus whatever my fiance makes. Like, a lot better. And that would just be my salary, and I'm pretty sure some benefits? I've always also loved helping people. And I like working with kids! I hate the fact it's hard for me to afford school right now, and there's some things I need to do to get back in, but that's a huge story I'm not explaining right now. Class also got me out of the house, so I wasn't sitting at home all day....and all night...doing nothing. 

Even if your parents never act like they're proud of you, you can always be proud of yourself. If anything. And think of the life you've made for yourself once you do get that degree and a place to live, etc or whatever it is you really want in/from life.

 

I hope I gave a good bit of advice here. 

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Can you take an incomplete on your class(es) and/or take a medical leave like Iceberg said? Then get into a partial hospitalization program or other intensive outpatient program. I'm not in school but I am doing a partial hospitalization program right now and it is helping me. Does your therapist or pdoc know you're struggling?

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I suspect your parents are at loose ends on how to handle your mental illness. They seem to be trying to give you the tools you will need for employment and to be sucessful. You just need to get the mental illness under control. A medical leave would give you some time to sort things out.

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I also had to take a semester off during college and it made it so that I was functional when I went back.  Sometimes a break for more intensive treatment is helpful, rather than just trying to rough it out.

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3 hours ago, pinkfloydforeverlove said:

Don't feel sorry for me. It's all my fault. My mental health ALWAYS gets in the ways of my academics year after year, semester after semester. What's the point in trying anymore? I had to walk out of class today because of a really bad anxiety attack. It was my favorite class too. World Civilizations 2. And I can't even succeed at what I love anymore. I'm through with this! I'm done trying when life just keeps kicking me down! I can't do this. Here I am crying cause I'm failing one of my classes (still my fault) and my parents keep on shoving that in my face, like I'm not good enough. I'm not looking for sympathy. Please. I just want this nightmare to end. 

Maybe some more anti anxiety meds. My college was tough with MI as well. It will be ok, and you will get through it. Its one class. its not all of them.

6 minutes ago, dancesintherain said:

I also had to take a semester off during college and it made it so that I was functional when I went back.  Sometimes a break for more intensive treatment is helpful, rather than just trying to rough it out.

very true

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