Disbelief from others

[Caius The Shadow]

Hey, I just wanted to ask you folks if any of you have encountered this? Whenever I have come out to someone (apart from my brother, love him) I am met with disbelief like just having a laugh or something or they dismiss it and pretend I've said nothing. This is what happened when I told my parents and now I'm worried they don't accept me and that frustrates and upsets me.

Has anyone else encountered this or am I overly paranoid?

[HisHarleQuinn]

When I was in high school and told my stepmom I was bisexual, she said I wouldn't know until I slept with a girl.... 

So, does that mean you won't know you're straight until you sleep with the opposite sex? She blew me off and said it was just a phase - it very much was not.

Now she might believe me, I don't know, or care really. I'm 21 years old and I live on my own, and I am going to live the life I want to live - with or without my parents permission/approval seeing as most things I do don't appease them much as it is. 

If you are that concerned with your brother's opinion of your sexual orientation you can always ask him about it. Not just in passing. Explain to him your feelings are real, and are valid, and shouldn't be swept aside.

[Caius The Shadow]

I guess I shouldn't care as much if they don't accept it, I'm just a paranoid person. Unfortunately I don't have the choice to not live at home as I don't have two pennies to rub together. It's alittle harder to ignore if you have people mentioning "when you get a girlfriend..." all the time. 

[Fluent In Silence]

You're gay? Erma gerd! I thought such people were mythical like unicorns and eskimos.

Nah, I've heard that gay people exist and that's fine by me. Unicorns can go fuck themselves though. Ever met a unicorn? Total cunts.

[Igobihim]

I believe that you should be confident and comfortable in your preference. Coming out to parents is the moment of Truth in my opinion. They believe they know you, you don't want to shatter that. They may have notions of who and what you are. But that's all on them, none of that is your doing. They believe in something different than what is your truth. But, having them dismiss this is dismissive to who you are. That must be painful and discouraging. 

The only ideas I have, are coming from the notion that you have surrounded yourself with people who do not accept the community. I don't know if that is true, but it feels like it from your post. I would find the confident you. Take a little time to enforce inside yourself who you truly are. You have come out, you have been dismissed even laughed at a little. So you can't really invest in their acceptance yet. So you have to believe in you and your choices. You have to fall in love with this you and people need to see you being happy with your truth. 

People are uncomfortable with things they haven't accepted or haven't been exposed to enough. Maybe you get to be the witness of acceptance. When they ask what has made you more confident or happy you can say it again. You can say, I'm coming out and this is who I am. Then smile at them and wait for them to laugh or dismiss it again. If they do then I wouldn't invest to much time trying to convince them. Just live your life.

The paranoia sounds a little bit like the fear of rejection. Because you are presenting a side of you that is very fragile because it's foundation has been hidden and has not been built up. If the people around you cause the foundation to crack or they believe that your old foundation is a better fit then they are not going to help you build this new foundation up and grow with you. These people should not be pinnacle points in your free new world. What I mean is, act like you around them, if they can't deal with it they will weed themselves out. 

I would say don't let them frustrate you but that would minimize your emotional response. Your allowed to be sad and frustrated at the people who do not accept the real you. I don't think you are being overly paranoid. I haven't told my mom that I am bi and I am 36, she would prob go into a rant and condemn me and my choices. I don't need that shaking the foundation of who I have become. I have not cut them out of my life because I love them and I don't want to lose them. But, I did not allow them to mess with my new foundation. I was building myself up and didn't need to have this opportunity crushed. Now that the foundation is a fee years old, still fragile cause I was told being bi isn't a real thing from the community in real life. So, I had to close the doors to my closet and wait for the right moments to open up and exercise my desires. It is hard not being you 100% it's actually why I chose to come to this thread, to figure out more about my bi life that I have sidelined sometimes.

You say your brother is amazing. I would ask him if he would accept you with this truth. And if he is good to you he will accept this. Then you can have that support while you build up your inner strength.

Be at peace OP. You have a wonderful world to have. 

[NerdyUnicorn]

When I first came out when I was 18, my parents were so skeptical that they had their cousin, who had come out years earlier, ‘put on her gaydar’ and figure out if it was true. Her verdict was that it wasn’t, but fast forward 10 years and I’m queerly engaged to be married. People do dickish stuff, but my parents at least ended up being supportive in the end. 

[0112358]

Old post, but why not.

Sure - I'm a. transexual man, and back when I was starting to talk to people about it, an ex and good friend told me I was a misogynist, and that I "just wanted to be the thing that's better" (meaning society thinks men are better than women). That person has not been in my life for quite some time, lol.

Regarding the OP - I think a lot of people who have issues with gay folks choose to disbelieve it when someone they like or know well comes out to them. I don't think they realize how cruel they're being. When this happens, I think it's best to just stop talking about it with those people, and seek out new friends or a community that's supportive.

1 hour ago, NerdyUnicorn said:

When I first came out when I was 18, my parents were so skeptical that they had their cousin, who had come out years earlier, ‘put on her gaydar’ and figure out if it was true. Her verdict was that it wasn’t, but fast forward 10 years and I’m queerly engaged to be married. People do dickish stuff, but my parents at least ended up being supportive in the end. 

That's a crazy story... gaydar is so overrated, overused, and um, I think not real.