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Sras

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I hit breaking point yesterday. Everything has been overwhelming for nearly a year now and I guessed it finally got too much. I've messed up my leg and I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone. It's been nearly 7 years since the last time I cut and it's strange to be doing it again. I keep telling myself I'm in my 30s, I'm too old for this shit. 

The main trigger will hopefully be out of my life after today but there's still a lot I have to deal with and I'm worried that now I've broken I'll keep doing it. I used to use Xanax to manage these feelings but now where I live GP's can't prescribe it and most psychiatrists say they won't either so the lack of medication at a critical time is probably why I went back to cutting. 

People always tell you things will get better but it doesn't. The last couple of years have been terrible for me and I don't know how to get through it.

Edited by Sras

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Hugs. I've haven't cut in years but I know I could always relapse, especially with how stressed and crazy I've been lately. The last year has been almost nonstop overwhelm for me too and I can relate to the feeling of waiting and waiting for it to get better, at least long enough so you can catch your breath, and it doesn't...  I do find Ativan helps and it makes me angry that your pdoc won't prescribe you a benzo.

Anyway you are not alone and this doesn't erase those 7 years of not cutting. I hope things ease up for you but you just have to take one day, or maybe one hour at a time. 

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I haven't told anyone. I don't have a regular pdoc because I have up after none of them would listen to how I've managed my symptoms effectively for 7 years. They're all shit. 

I have a tdoc appointment tomorrow but I don't know if I'll be able to bring it up. I'm not sure. I don't know that I need to say this stage of it's a one off. I'm hoping that's all it is. It was purely rage and feelings of powerlessness so I might work around those feelings and avoid the issue ? She put me on a suicide watch list last year (I needed it) so I don't want to complicate things when I'm not that bad atm.

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