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I went to see my therapist today. He made me promise not to hurt myself after I leave cause then he'll have to admit me to IP. I've never been to IP but I should've. But IDK. It would be so easy, so effortless, to walk into my brother's room while he is not there and just take his knife. Maybe carve my legs for awhile in a locked bathroom while nobody's home. Then I could turn on the shower to wash all the blood down the drain. Nobody would know.  It would be so easy to take all three of my medications at once and just end it all. But I have doubts, too. About what it means to pass away. And I really don't want to hurt my mother. Her mother committed suicide too. I just want my pain to end. This feels like too much for me to handle. 

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What are some of your concerns about going IP?  Are there ways in which you think it might help?  Or have you done a partial hospitalization program before? Sometimes those can help get some alternative options in place.

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35 minutes ago, Iceberg said:

Maybe you could voluntarily go to an ER to get admitted 

Obviously, I don't know where OP lives, but if it's anywhere in the US I'd imagine it's just like MA, which means you get transferred to the next available bed, wherever that may be; you don't have much say — if any.

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1 hour ago, dancesintherain said:

What are some of your concerns about going IP?  Are there ways in which you think it might help?  Or have you done a partial hospitalization program before? Sometimes those can help get some alternative options in place.

I would lose my freedom. And I can't lose that. If I die, I die. I think it would help, but I'm not willing to be locked up. I've never been in a partial hospitalization program before. I don't know. I think I'm better off dead.

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1 hour ago, pinkfloydforeverlove said:

I would lose my freedom. And I can't lose that. If I die, I die. I think it would help, but I'm not willing to be locked up. I've never been in a partial hospitalization program before. I don't know. I think I'm better off dead.

they arent gonna keep you there forever bud, stabilize and get you moving

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I recommend a partial hospitalization program if you are wanting to stay out of the hospital. I just completed one and it helped with my suicidal ideation. It depends if you can be safe at night and on weekends. Sometimes it can take a while to get into one so the question is if you can be safe until you start too.

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