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It's not that I need longterm time off


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I'm losing control completely, I've called in to work at least once a week for the past three weeks.  I just can't seem to control my anxiety related to work.  I'm constantly on edge expecting someone to lecture me about something I've done incorrectly (when I work reception once a week).  I'm sick of cleaning up behind someone else when I work ward, I'm sick of covering for other people's mistakes.

I'm tired of animals dying despite everything we do.  I go home and cry after every cruelty case that comes in, particularly the ones that we euthanize because there isn't enough money to fix them.  I cry over the animals that never had a shot because they ended up with some idiot for an owner who isn't willing to spend money for an exam fee let alone treatment.

I'm burnt out and I need some time off and away from the clinic.  However, I *just* got full time hours a few months ago after requesting them for a few months before that.  I'm very good at my job and I do above and beyond what is required of me.  I'm not convinced that if I go away for a while I will get my hours back, and I can't afford too much time away from work.

I don't really want to have the conversation with my boss about my bipolar disorder because I am afraid of being judged.  She's my reference for vet school as well so it's a sticky situation.  I don't know what to do and I don't know where to turn.  I only get to see the pdoc every 10 weeks so he's no help.  I have no therapist.  My drugs keep changing and nothing is working, but I can't do anything about it because I DON'T GET TO SEE THE PDOC UNTIL MAY!!!!

Sorry, I think that's the end of my rant.  If anyone has any info on what my options are (being Canadian) I would greatly appreciate it.

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I can understand not wanting to let your boss know. If she's generally understanding, you've got a good chance that she'll understand this, too (though it's not guaranteed and you know it), and could help. Other than that... I don't know. How long of a break do you think you need? Two weeks? A month? The shorter the break, the easier it is to find a suitable screening story to shift focus away from you being crazy.

For seeing your pdoc, could you call and insist on an earlier appointment? Ask if any cancellations have come up. Are there other psychiatrists in the area you might have access to? Is there a mental health clinic somewhere in your administrative region where someone could at least give you a fast-track referral, even if there's no psychiatrist there who can touch your case? Do you have a GP who could look at what's going on?

I don't know. I realize clinics can suck ass and that the ER is likely to result six hours of lost life and a lot of frustration, but if all hell breaks loose, at least you have that option, and don't have to pay through the nose for trying it. Oh, Canada. Long live medicare.

(If it's any encouragement, my pdoc had a cancellation and I will see him tomorrow instead of the 24th. I was shocked. It's still evidence that good things can happen.)

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no advice, being in the UK, I'm afraid. ;)

but, I'm sending ((((((supportive hugs)))))))) because I understand work anxieties, and feel for you about all the animals, and I hear how much you care about them.....

I hope that you get the opportunity to care for you....

Do you have any annual leave, owing, or TOIL? is there an occupational health department that you can get support/advice from?

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  • 2 weeks later...

With the P-doc, normally you can ask to be put on the cancellation list.  Psychiatric patients are renowned for being unreliable, and there is almost always an early cancellation.  Could get you in within a few weeks.

As for work, do you have any leave owing?  If so you could ask to take it. If not, maybe a week or 2 leave without pay would be an idea?  Just enough time to rest up and get your head together.

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