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PTSD ruling my life


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  I'm sorry that I didn't post a trigger emoticon for my last entry, I hope I didn't trigger anyone.  I'm posting because I am at my wit's end.  My PTSD is ruling my life.  I literally can't go outside without it going off.  As a result, I feel constantly afraid.  I am unable to function normally, which is severely affecting things in my life like my search for a job.  When I imagine the dynamics of actually having a job, I start to think how badly I will fail.

  When I am outdoors, I feel so wound-up and afraid of people.  I get incredibly tense.  I used to chalk this up to an anxiety disorder, but I've finally come to accept that it is from PTSD.  All I want is a normal life where I can feel OK and not so tense all the time.  This is driving me crazy! S#!T!!

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(((((((sal))))))))

I know the feeling...it does take time to heal and recover....

I'm finding, with patient and caring colleagues (who only know it as depression, which doesn't explain all of my behaviour...)that it is possible to work....although I've been there several years, and so its familiar and 'safe' mostly....its mainly travelling there and back or when things get difficult that I 'collapse'.

I do empathise.

Are you having any therapy? on any meds? (sorry if you've already posted this...)

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I also have had the same experiences sal...fears of going into certain public places fearing certain people might be there......fears of failing at jobs, schooling, hopelessness....etc. Ive found that taking babysteps in my life, along with therapy and meds...have helped overcome alot of my trauma. Once Ive set a small task, whether it be something as simple as walking to the store to buy a paper, or going to get my hair done and then going out to dinner...or maybe taking an art class. Once I am able to leave this house, take those steps, walk into that unfamiliar territory, and see that I own myself, Im not going to let the trauma own my day, my moment....and I get through that task, I feel....REALLY good. I do understand how you feel hon...my epilepsy and some things that have happenned to me in my life have had me in 'duck and cover' mode....

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Hi,

    I have been trying to get medical insurance to see a tdoc and pdoc, but I just found out yesterday that I got denied coverage from kaiser permanente because of my pre-existing condition.  This is the second insurance comp. that I tried to enroll with and got denied. 

    I feel kind of trapped.  I haven't had the courage to leave the apartment for the last few days, and it really sucks.  If I thought that the ball was even rolling, I would have a little hope I think and be more motivated, but I just feel fucked over.

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