So basically im dead inside.
I currently being emotionaly dull, i cant feel any motivation or desire to live, despite that im still doing my everyday things, going to college, working out, doing my usual duties and chores.
The thing is that i have an schizoid disorder, and im very paranoid.
I posted in addiction because one of the most destructive things is my addction to many things.
I smoke, not weed, regular cigarettes, the thing is that my parents think that i quited smoking but i dont, i wanna quit to, i hate it, and i hate it because my parents are well known religious leaders in my town and a lot of people know them and know me, when i smoke outside im always paranoid, i dont wanna live this way, my paranoia is getting worse but i always end up smoking again because my friends smoke and i always fall but i wanna quit.
If my parents get to know that i still smoke they probably stop paying my colleges fees, a lot of people know them and can snitch on me.
I have this fight, i cant keep going anymore, at the same time smoking helps me cope whit my side effectos made by my antipsychotics, but they dont understand, they always judge merciless even do im an adult in my twenties.
Can anyone give advice, all advice is very helpful.
I hadn’t been cutting for long before I was found out. My parents sent me to therapy hoping for a full recovery. I haven’t cut since the end of May -a little over for months ago- but I still fantasize about it everyday. I feel that since I’m not an active cutter I’m seen as being better but I’m not better. The urge is still there and life is harder now that I’m not doing essentially the only thing that remedied the pain. I wish I coined express this frustration to someone but I hate to disappoint. I burdened my parents and enough already and don’t want to hurt them anymore. How can I make the urge go away or get my parents to see that I haven’t fully recovered without hurting them? If you have any advice please lmk. Thanks.
So, i have more than a year excerzicing, i lost in the beginning like 10 kilos or more.
But this past months ive loosing my motivation ans starting gaining belly fat, in part due to my anxious eating i accept it.
Right now im always tortured by the fact that im getting more fat againg even if people around me say that no, im convinced i am, also if i dont feel the nergy to exercise one day or i cant exercise for whaterver reason that day i feel like crap, obssesed about the fact that i didnt exercise and that im going to get even more fat.
Its hell, also it mixes whit the fact that im quitting smoking and i have other obsessions and also depression.
Im feeling very bad, i feel whitout energy and motivation, the girl i was going out decided that i was so "good" for her that she changed me for a 13 years older guy.
I wish i could be in a country where i can acces more different drugs for my treatment but in this God forgotten country south to the USA they dont give you new medications or alternative treatments.
I really need help.
I just cut myself again, after less than a week without doing it. The longest I've gone is about 2 1/2 months. When I've been keeping such big secrets for so long, it isn't hard to find my way around my parents safety measures. I'm sure you guys can agree. I started cutting when I was 13. My parents know. Now, at almost 15, I've been hospitalized 5 times. My family is reaching the limit of their tolerance. I can't blame them. My youngest sister, after witnessing one of my breakdowns, now sees a therapist herself. Today, my dad said I'll have to go live in a special home if I don't stop. I don't know what to do. I want to be with them and make them happy, but self-harm has become a part of me now. Honestly, I almost want to go away. At least then they wouldn't have to worry about me. I really have nothing left to fight with. That's why I'm reaching out. Thanks guys.
Any advice on how to accept that your parents will never get the gay and mentally ill thing? They're not nearly as bad as some of my friends parents. But. They just don't understand. I've tried to explain things a million ways, and it just isn't happening. I need to deal with it. How do I even start?