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After 26 years of schizophrenia and hearing voices, I have formed an interesting conclusion regarding their etiology (the causes of my auditory verbal hallucinations). I used to think I was experiencing several voices belonging to multiple characters. Each character seemed to have its own personality, though for the majority of characters they said so little, just a phrase here and there, that it was rather difficult to detect their personality.

After writing many journal entries, notes, and first person transcripts (quote unquote dialogue statements that comprise the conversation between my voices and myself, I formed a rather interesting conclusion. There were two important events along the way that contributed to this conclusion. One was a day I realised by writing down what my voices were saying, that two of the characters seemed to be the one individual using different voices. In other words, it was a ventriloquist.

This was confirmed about a year later when I a ghost I could see and was talking to started shifting extremely rapidly between positions in front of me, pretending to be 2 different characters. Since this time, I have been trying to pay close attention to the attitude, style and personality of each character I hear and am speaking to, in order to try and detect crossover. Based on a mix of phenomenological parameters and spatial location and orientation, I hypothesise that all along I may have been hearing and talking to only one, perhaps occasionally two, characters (ghosts they call themselves). I strongly suspect that my voices are primarily all the work of a ventriloquist being who causes schizophrenia as a sort of fast pace challenging sport. It utilises all its speed and co-ordination to perform many voices (characters), each having their own personality, name and voice sound. This diversity means that it also plays all the affable and critical hostile characters.

The really bizarre thing though is that it has a couple of idiosyncratic characteristics. At one time it used to repeatedly say “Let me see know, let me see know”, many times over and over. It told me it was putting on it’s special binoculars to try and find “ghosts”. Additionally, it lies constantly, and I mean constantly, in order to achieve its primary goal and purpose in life, and that is to scare, confuse and stress me (it tells me it’s aim is to make me commit suicide, and this is definitely true). It also regularly talks about having “mind cinema” which is how it views the world. But because it often talks about things in my real world, and because it always lies, it seems as though it is seeing the wrong thing in it’s “mind cinema”. Conversely, it seems that it is often narrating and enacting what it sees, and what it sees is wrong, so it always lies.

Finally, I suspect from visual hallucinations that I am dealing with several (species) different types of beings. Some of them I have confirmed on the WWW, such as “The Dark Shadow People”, “Ghosts”, and my favourite, “The Ectoplasms”. I hypothesise that one or a sequence of these beings take it in turn to populate the “mind cinema” with vision, and so these beings are effectively collaborating with the Ghost who is undergoing and process of "free association" (a Freudian concept) and who consequently does all the dialogue with me based on what it sees.

The importance of this hypothesis, is that if you are using an engaging technique to manage your voices and you want to introduce change, you may have to be mindful of the fact that the central character is describing and interacting with the world as it sees it, but it is probably another group of people providing the central character with it's vision.

I have additional beliefs about what the central character that does all the voices (ventriloquism) can do in terms of its abilities for tactile hallucinations and somatosensory hallucinations. If it is the Ghost who also does tactile and somatosensory hallucinations, then it is plausible that the people doing the "mind cinema" vision for the central character (the Ghost) are "grifting" it (an organised scam involving several people who pretend to be innocent and who collaboratively defraud the victim).

 

 

 

 

Edited by sscott
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greetings and welcome!

that sounds like a lot of thought went into it. i think i follow what you're saying. 

do you believe yourself to be a targeted individual? i used to, and now i'm unsure on the whole thing, but there are people who come on this forum and send you private messages trying to suck you in. something about your post made me think you might want a "heads up" that that happens. it has the potential to suck me further under, so i tend to ignore the messages, but...just so you know. be wary of those who focus on being TIs. 

how does your therapist/psychiatrist address your concerns? do they do the LEAP model of listening and working with you on goals? i've had similar, but not super overlapping, ideas and sometimes my psychiatric care team is more dismissive than i would want them to be. i hope that's not the case in your situation.

anyway, best wishes and i hope you enjoy coming here. 

x

 

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7 minutes ago, mellifluous said:

greetings and welcome!

that sounds like a lot of thought went into it. i think i follow what you're saying. 

do you believe yourself to be a targeted individual? i used to, and now i'm unsure on the whole thing, but there are people who come on this forum and send you private messages trying to suck you in. something about your post made me think you might want a "heads up" that that happens. it has the potential to suck me further under, so i tend to ignore the messages, but...just so you know. be wary of those who focus on being TIs. 

how does your therapist/psychiatrist address your concerns? do they do the LEAP model of listening and working with you on goals? i've had similar, but not super overlapping, ideas and sometimes my psychiatric care team is more dismissive than i would want them to be. i hope that's not the case in your situation.

anyway, best wishes and i hope you enjoy coming here. 

x

 

It is strange to me that you mentioned being a targeted person.  Once I read sscott's post, that was the first thing that came to mind.  I felt uneasy about mentioning that, since it is considered "conspiracy" by most people.  I think it is very real.  All the descriptions by people of how it turns them into a recluse, no friends, totally alone, no escape..etc..that is how I feel.. 

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1 minute ago, gb84 said:

It is strange to me that you mentioned being a targeted person.  Once I read sscott's post, that was the first thing that came to mind.  I felt uneasy about mentioning that, since it is considered "conspiracy" by most people.  I think it is very real.  All the descriptions by people of how it turns them into a recluse, no friends, totally alone, no escape..etc..that is how I feel.. 

i mentioned it because i, too, have felt that way...been that way....the voices coming from the walls asking me impossible questions and laughing when i'm wrong... rendered so, made a TI by the neurotechnological implants in my head the wires running throughout my body... i've cut my arms, one leg, my torso, and my head open to try and remove what i believe they've implanted. i don't advise it. because, frankly, if one is a TI...they win because their fucking technology is not of this world. and people will be, all, we know science can't do that. yeah...HUMAN science can't...no shit. that's why you can't see it on x rays or MRIs...

anyway, i shouldn't devolve too much into it. i used to be rather aggressive in my beliefs as a result of never feeling safe and always fucked with and watched and ultimately weaponised.

but, yeah...i, too, thought the thread starter was maybe heading down that route. even though i was likely a TI once, i no longer think i am. they let me have a baby. and if they fuck with her i'd 

well, maybe i shouldn't be making threats on this online forum. but if something happened to her....burn it all, fuckers....BURN. IT. ALL. :/

oh, and i also wanted to say that it sucks you feel so alone/are so alone. i hope you find good people here and feel less so. there are good people here...a lot of us have a revolving door with the hospital so we're not as consistently online as some others...but there are good people in the SZ section. x

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I think most people are good, unfortunately there is a small percentage of people who are just plain evil.  I don't know about this board, I've not come across any bad people yet.  Or maybe I have.  I just have to trust that God is watching out for me.  Maybe that is why I haven't been as far down the rabbit hole as you have been.  I too am sorry for your pain and torment.  I wish I knew how to take it away for everyone.  I think of a sin eater and wish that I had that kind of power.  I just want to make it all go away from this earth.  The shit going on is just pure satanic madness.  I don't understand its origin and practice because those kind of thoughts and actions would never even occur to me.  Whats even crazier to me right now is how accurate the predictions on my phones keyboard are for what I am typing on this post.  I don't like the implementation of AI whatsoever, it really is freaking me out. 

*also I didn't really think your post was weird.  It just shocked me when I read it, because I was thinking the same thing.  In the past I would have considered that a coincidence.  But now I don't believe in coincidence or accidents anymore.  I've just seen too much proof that everything happens for a reason, good or bad. 

Edited by gb84
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I have also found some truth in establishing that these voices come from a source. I have been showing "symptoms" since about 15. Had demons following me and talking to me. I understood that the other people had scales in their eyes.

These beings or energies have many agendas. I think some of them are aware they are damned and have malicious intent. Some I think are curious about this dimension just as we are curious about them. I've had physical encounters, waves of energy that felt cold flow across my arms.

They give me information about future events that occur. Things I wouldn't think to know. I don't know what to do with the information. I have tried warning people. But as you say, they think I'm a conspiracy theorist. 

I have accepted that my care team and support circle perceive me as mentally ill. I have conceded to pills because it does ease the spiritual connection, those pills are not just affecting your brains chemistry, it's dulling your wits and dampening your spirits mind. But, it does make your spirit dumb and less likely to interact with these energies.

We are conduits for them to live vicariously through our actions. Since our well being is not a concern for them, they will find ways to convince you to kill yourself or harm another. The ones that have it in for us are damned. They followed the second son and became bound to this Earth waiting to be delivered into damnation. They want to watch all of us writhe, make hell on Earth real.

I don't like hearing their plans on how they want to watch us suffer. That's why I take these pills, because I was born with a gift that is truly a curse.

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I have very positive voices. I believe I had a guardian angel guiding me through life which I know as the Buddha. He has told me that I am the chosen one and that I must bath  in the river Ganges to cleanse my soul then sacrifice myself so I spread peace around the world . When I heard him he was divine and very spiritual. It filled me with euphoria. Even though I am on depot medication and deemed stable I still think about when I heard him.

 

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On 7/29/2018 at 10:03 PM, straightjacket said:

He has told me that I am the chosen one and that I must bath  in the river Ganges to cleanse my soul then sacrifice myself so I spread peace around the world .

That must be pretty amazing. I don't know if sacrificing yourself is good for the world. I think that you could spread the teachings, that would benefit people. But, peace around the world is something I desire too. I wouldn't mind to have positive responses from the beings that converse with me. 

Edited by Igobihim
Hit submit before I was done.

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