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InkBlot2771

Fancy a lass at work that is unavailable - it is causing issues with my mood

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Hi there!

Recently a new girl has started work, and I've taken a liking to her.

The trouble with this is that I've walled myself off from other people for around 7 years. I've been managing to deal with my illness by not talking to other people, not having friends, not having a partner.

I wasn't looking for anything with this new girl, but unfortunately, my body has had other ideas. I've been hit by a wave of emotions for her that I'm just not able to deal with. What makes it worse is that she's been seeing a guy for 14 years and there's no chance that we will ever get together. I think that she was attracted to me when we first started talking; I don't think that she would want to go out with me still, but life isn't black and white. I was flattered that she was like this, but I didn't push the issue, I knew how things were.

On the mood scale chart that I keep seeing everywhere, I'm normally between 5-8. Since this has all started. Since her turning me down, I'm now between 2-5 most of the time, I think I've dipped down to 1 twice in the last couple of months.

With my mood being all over the place, it is becoming more difficult to talk to her and I think she's pushing me away now; I can see things from her perspective and I can't blame her.

Recently, she's been smiling at someone else in the office that isn't me and I'm having difficulty with it. It all feels so stupid, but I've now let someone have too much power over me and it is keeping my mood low.

I don't know how to get out of this. I'm worried that if it continues I will need to take time off work and if that happens I might lose my job, my house, etc.

I need help!

Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can move on more quickly?
Has anyone dealt with similar issues?

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Maybe you should try avoiding her if possible. Is it? Like not seeing her so you aren't reminded of her, etc... I'd say "talk to her about it" but that is inappropriate for the work place. But you know... time heals wounds and the longer you get without seeing her, the more you might forget about it... 

 

You can also join a dating app, maybe put yourself out there finally, for some lucky gal to come by and who knows, maybe like what she sees!! I mean maybe it is a sign that it is time for you and your mind and body to be social again.

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Forget her, find someone else. 

 

Edited by MNK99
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I think you're right about the forgetting her.

I've tried to be friends, but it is still messing with my mood.

Thanks for the help!

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It may not be cool, not fun... but it's the only way man. As you find more exp's you'll realize: There's not just "one" perfect person... for anyone really. Or it takes a lot of time and experiences, self-awareness, awareness of others, to take the chances, to find that person, and make it work, despite all the stress  and drama. 

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I'm not too bothered about this now

She ended up sleeping with the boss, spreading gossip about me at work, lying about the gossip (she was the only person in the office that I had told). When I called her out on it, she talked shit about me to the boss over the weekend, who then treated me like shit on the Monday. Then on the Tuesday when I get to work she's all smirking at me.

I've basically been doing my best to avoid her now at work as much as possible.

What's really annoying for me, is that I went to see an occupational therapist (paid for by work) and they've told me to take 5 weeks off work. So I'm now restless as fuck doing nothing all day! I feel that I'm the one being punished here. I don't feel that I can change my job because I'm too unstable right now, so I need to get stable enough then leave this place and find somewhere else to work. This would be so much easier without the BP :(

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31 minutes ago, InkBlot2771 said:

I'm not too bothered about this now

She ended up sleeping with the boss, spreading gossip about me at work, lying about the gossip (she was the only person in the office that I had told). When I called her out on it, she talked shit about me to the boss over the weekend, who then treated me like shit on the Monday. Then on the Tuesday when I get to work she's all smirking at me.

I've basically been doing my best to avoid her now at work as much as possible.

What's really annoying for me, is that I went to see an occupational therapist (paid for by work) and they've told me to take 5 weeks off work. So I'm now restless as fuck doing nothing all day! I feel that I'm the one being punished here. I don't feel that I can change my job because I'm too unstable right now, so I need to get stable enough then leave this place and find somewhere else to work. This would be so much easier without the BP :(

im an occupational therapist............the therapist told u to take 5 weeks off and ur work accepted that? what are u seeing an OT for

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It started when I took two days off work.

I've talked to the OT to see how they can help me better at work and the OT told me to take the 5 weeks off after I told him about some of the issues that I've been having.

This whole thing has been making me angry, and I really don't like being angry. When he saw me I was fairly hypo-manic, I think he's just wanting me to relax a bit before I head back to work.

I think that the worst part of work is folk talking over me and not listening at work, and it has been happening for years. When folk don't listen, then couple of months down the road, the code ends up being really shitty. I'm not a senior developer where I work, but I've definitely got some good ideas. The frustrating part here is that I'm being talked over before I've completely said my first sentence. I'm sick of it.

I think the only realistic solution here is to get a new job. Trouble there is that I'm off sick right now and need to get back to being stable first. I feel trapped. I feel angry that I'm off work because of shit that was done to me, not shit that I've done.

I've thought about telling the arseholes (see above) respective partners what they're up to. I feel that it is justified as there's more that has been done to me that is even more sickening than what I've said, and I feel that I'm just letting folk walk over me if I don't. But more than that, I just don't want to be the sort of person that goes looking for revenge though. The situation is infuriating.

Is this the way that it is always going to be; with folk talking over me and not listening? Then ending up in a worse place as a result?

I hate the discrimination that goes along with bipolar; and probably any mental illness. Non-sufferers just assume they know better; that we can't be right because we've got an illness to do with our minds. I want to be treated the same as everyone else. I want to feel like an equal.

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