My mother is a dental hygenIst but has left me alone and trusts me to brush my teeth and take care of my dental hygene. I used to be good with keePing up with it but now I do it once a day... I hate cavities and cry if I get one (I've only ever had 2) but I'm now afraid I have another one and am scared to go to my mother about it in fear of disappointing her. At appointments I always claim I brush my teeth twice a day everyday but I'm just kidding myself. I hate not wanting to brush my teeth but idk if I don't do it because it's the one thing in my life that she can't control or if I'm just a stupid teenager who forgets and doesn't actually care about her body. I regret not doing it when it comes down to it but can't get the motivation to brush every night
My OCD is usually held to a low level that doesn't affect my life too bad. I want to write about some of the obsessive things I've done.
In most cases, OCD occurs when there is a very distressing situation in my life that I can't control. So I control the bananas out of something minor to achieve the illusion of control over the thing that bothers me.
I have numbered the shelves drawers and desks in my bedroom. I used to have Desks 1 & 2, Shelves 1 - 22, and Drawers 1-17. I cut up small pieces of paper, made the small paper pieces into labels, and taped them on. The shelf and drawer labels are still in place except on Drawer 10, and the desk labels are gone. I labeled my doors too. Door 1 is to go out to the hallway, and Doors 2 and 3 are the closet doors. It seemed weird if the closet doors got reversed because then Door 3 is to the left of Door 2, and all the numbers in my room are supposed to ascend as you rotate clockwise. I used to keep my socks in Drawer 6, but then I started keeping them in Drawer 7. Sometimes I still open Drawer 6 looking for socks. I organized my clothes by natural altitude. Shirts above underwear above pants (Drawers 5, 6, and 7 respectively and socks go in 7 with the underwear.)
Sometimes I want to step on a sidewalk crack a certain way, or touch a road sign pole a certain way.
Anyway, I'm getting tired so that's it for now. I'll probably be back some time.
I don't really know if this is the right place to post this, because I don't have an eating disorder in the usual sense of the word. But it wouldn't fit anywhere else, so I'll just go with it.
I tend to restrict and/or purge when I'm feeling out of control. Mostly purge, because it's a more instant release. It's not a weight thing or anything, which is why I said it's not an ED in the 'usual sense'. Anyway, right now my life is sort of crumbling around me and I feel the desperate urge to regain some control. But, I know it's a downward spiral from there and I'm not supposed to lose any more weight.
What do you do to keep from relapsing?
I don't get paid until the end of next week, but I spent my last £12 on carb-tastic snacks from 99p store.
I have hidden the food in a 9 litre box and am slowly making my way through it. every time my partner is out or asleep I get the box out and eat until I feel sick. then I lie down and sleep.