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my shrink is sick of me


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I've been working with my tdoc every week for about 5 months now. It started out really nicely- much better than the old tdoc I had before. I really felt that he understood me and he was honestly trying to help me get better. Problem is- things aren't changing that much- it feels like we talk about the same thing every single week and I know he's getting frustrated.

I know therapy is about change- but it's so hard for me. I've been stuck in my crappy ways since I was 8 years old and it's all I know. Tdoc tries to get me to go out, talk with people, try to feel better about myself- but it's not happening. I can't go from completely hating myself, to thinking I'm great overnight.

Now I can tell that he's getting pissed off. He watches the clock, there are a lot of pauses and silent moments. He looks at me differently and I can just tell he is sick of working with me. He just cannot wait for the school year to be over so he never has to see me again.

so what do i do? I really enjoy seeing him because I don't have anyone else to talk to.. so it's kind of the highlight of my week. But then after our session I feel like crap, like I didnt live up to his expectations- then I go home and cry my eyes out.

It's too late in the semester to get a new tdoc and I don't think I can handle the rest of the year without one. I don't have the money to go off campus and find a tdoc in the community.

Should I just try to fake my way through these next two months? Just pretend to be happy and pretend to like myself so he's not so aggravated with me?

I just feel like crap!

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Therapists are people too, maybe there have been things on his mind (or worse he been obligated to do

like RIGHT after your normal appointment time)  that he has trouble using his professional skills to

cover up.

The way you've presented your side of it makes me think that you think he's not seeing the progress

he expects, and you don't see any progress at all. If both of you really are asking "Why am I here?"

something's wrong on both sides.

At the least, maybe you could print out your post to bring to your next session. Maybe he doesn't

realize he's watching the clock.  Maybe you're both agreeing to progress milestones that are bigger

than you realistically can make yet... you would like to meet them, and need to get there SOME day,

but for now the end result sets you up for the failures you're too used to.

Tdoc tries to get me to go out, talk with people, try to feel better about myself- but it's not happening.

I can't go from completely hating myself, to thinking I'm great overnight.

These are big milestones. Too big maybe.

Are there any little versions of "going out", "talking to people" that maybe you CAN do?  Maybe pick

something where you could buy a ticket in advance, so it wouldn't be so easy to give up and stay home

instead?  Choosing something would be a good thing for a session, and a change of pace for both

of you.

I don't know.  If there was a Social Loser Olympics I'd be a medallist for sure.

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sorry quick response, but i'm sure others will fill in with the gaps and other suggestions.

my inclination, because i'm the type to not necessarily want change and push for change but i like to um.. pry open the icky stuff and examine it, so my inclination is to say, talk to him about what you're feeling from him. you are sensing aggravation. you sense he is impatient.

he may not respond with yes, i am totally impatient with you, or anything of the sort. he may ask why you perceive this. he probably would tell you that he isn't, if he wasn't. but if he is, he has to deal with HIS therapist, to work through WHY he is aggravated.

the only other thing i'll say is that his aggravation has more to do with him and what he may/may not be working through, than you or who you are or what you are or are not doing.

seriously.

he may be able to help deal with this feeling. and at the very least, you are telling him that he is coming across that way. it's HIS behaviour, and it is acting as a barrier to possibly working through something important. if he is acting exasperated or impatient, he may be blocking you from having those feelings.

just thoughts.

pj

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I agree with PJ.  If you have a social anxiety disorder then you might just be experiencing those symptoms while you're having a tdoc appt.  Thinking he is annoyed or bored with you when he isn't.  And if he is frustrated with your lack of progress, then this needs to be addressed.  Watching the clock is not proffesional and not helping you.

Are you doing Cognitive Behavior Therapy, where he gives you "homework" to practice changing the way you behave in certain circumstances?  If not, you might ask about it.  It would give you more structure and strategy than just "Go out, meet people, and have fun" (and if you could simply do all that then you probably wouldn't be in therapy!).  If you are already doing CBT then it sounds like he needs to tailor it more specifically for you.  Remember, you are not going to the therapist for his pleasure and entertainment.  You are going for your health. 

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Delicate,

            So you're a mind reader, huh? Is it possible that the things you  believe your therapist is thinking about you are really your own insecurities talking? Maybe it's you that thinks you are not worth listening to and have nothing important to say and not him. Maybe you are pissed at yourself for your progress in therapy? Sometimes we take what people say or do and pick it apart until we find a way to get what we want out of it so we can confirm how we really feel about ourselves, and then we can say "see, I knew it....he doesn't want me either". I don't know if this is true for you or not. I'm just throwing it out there. But what I do know is that it's impossible to really know what your therapist is thinking.

      5 months is not a long time in therapy. I promise you that your therapist knows you can't possibly do a complete turn around in that amount of time. If he's frustrated, I bet it's at himself because he hasn't found a way to get through to you and motivate you into trying new things and meeting new people. The only expectation your therapist has for you is to try your best. That's it! Your relationship with him is unconditional. Please don't fake it through the rest of your time with him. He'll see right through it anyway, I'm sure. Just be honest with him and yourself. Are you really giving 100% effort in your treatment? He can't help you unless your willing to try. If your scared then tell him your scared. I'm working with my therapist on the same issue (self hate) right now and he encourages me to go out and make friends. I tell him I don't want friends and he says I need them. I do listen to him though.

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I've been interested in the replies on this one. If anyone has caught my comments here and there, I've been up and down on whether I like my pdoc. I swear last time he was almost laughing at me, and when he read a post that I had printed out, it felt like he tossed it back at me. DJ, your post makes sense, though. Perhaps it's just our take on body language, and interpretations. I for one keep looking at his curtains (damn it, it bugs me, they should be closer together at the top). Maybe looking at his clock is his way of gauging how much (or little) time you have in each session to potentially make progress.

It seems I can give advice/opinions but can't take it.

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I got rid of a therapist last month cause I just knew she didnt take me seriously ;) After I told her about my horrific evaluation at work she said it must be feel awful then minuts later she asks "so have you met any one new lately?"

Sounds like your therapist isnt helping you. Trust your instincts. Try looking for another one at the clinic or perhaps group would be good.

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Heya delicate,

I think I mostly come down on side with PJ on this one.

See your therapist one more time at least.

Talk about what you're feeling, like you told us.

Then, if the therapist is still being a jerk, think about getting another one.

Or, you and he will get into a chat about all of that.  Which is good.

You need to feel safe.

--ncc--

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I agree, you should talk about this with your therapist and then consider changing therapists if he/she doesnt change.  The purpose of these sessions is to help you to feel better.  It is also possible that you are misreading some of his/her cues - or reading to much to him.

I did around 22 sessions with my clinical psychologist over a period of 18 months and I remember around 6 sessions in, he was kind of cruel to me at the end of one session. Next session I mentioned it and he apologised and things really improved from there.  As it turned out, he was tryin g to play good cop/bad cop with me and also had previously sufferred from his own issues. He was really good with me from then on, and Im glad I mentioned it.

Other times, you just have to change though. My previous Dr (prescribing) was an asshole.  He was really rude to me one day about a sensitive issue and our treatment was going nowhere, and I got a referral to my new terrific dr (14 months now) as a result of asking my t-doc for help.  Ive never looked back.

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Problem is- things aren't changing that much- it feels like we talk about the same thing every single week and I know he's getting frustrated.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You are projecting here. I think maybe you are reading more into this than is there?

I know therapy is about change- but it's so hard for me. I've been stuck in my crappy ways since I was 8 years old and it's all I know.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well you hit the nail on the head. It is about change and it is your time and timing. Not his.

Tdoc tries to get me to go out, talk with people, try to feel better about myself- but it's not happening. I can't go from completely hating myself, to thinking I'm great overnight.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Of course not! And I highly doubt he is expecting this of you. I am sure you are doing the best you can.

Now I can tell that he's getting pissed off. He watches the clock, there are a lot of pauses and silent moments.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

See? you are doing it again.  ;)   You are projecting what you think is in his head. It most likely is not. You have become hyper aware of his looking at the clock, but perhaps this is your sensitivity.

so what do i do? I really enjoy seeing him because I don't have anyone else to talk to.. so it's kind of the highlight of my week. But then after our session I feel like crap, like I didn't live up to his expectations- then I go home and cry my eyes out.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Tell him! This is his job. And he needs to be aware of how you feel. It is very sad to me that you go home crying. I think he will feel the same way.

From what I read of your post, I think you really need to be straight with him. Tell him you think he is moving too fast for you. Tell him what your goals are.

I have found that when I am real honest with my p-doc ( who is also my t-doc) we make big strides. I am hoping the same for you.

Good luck!

Breeze

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