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Hey all,

So, besides for the fact that I feel that I don't have many friends and have a hard time knowing how the give and take in relationships goes (for example, if a friend doesn't call me for a while, I feel rejected) etc...

I think I'm realizing that a big part of why I spend almost *every* weekend alone is that I hate making plans ahead of time!!!  It is just sooo hard for me to plan ahead.  I'm the type of person who likes to pick up the phone, call a friend, and see if they wnat to do something tomorrow (or today!).  I almost never think about making plans for next weekend.  So, surprise surprise, the weekend rolls around and I have nothing to do and if I call my friends they are either out or already have plans.

I think part of it is that I'm moody.  My depression has been bad lately, so I never know ahead of time whether I'll be "up to" going out with others.  That's why I like to wait until I know I'll be in the mood.

How can I push past this?  It's just very antithetical to who I am to plan things.  As the youngest child in my family, I never got used to making plans...things seemed to just "happen."  It feels so un-fun to me to have to "plan" for fun.  But since I don't, I end up just sitting home alone and feeling bad about myself.

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What about making vague plans, like "Let's hang out some time on Saturday.  I'll call you that morning about details."?  That way, you don't have a specific plan, but your friends have kept time open to hang out with you.

I end up in that situation a lot, too.  Mostly because I forget to ask anyone until the last possible minute. ;)


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Well, I'm not sure how to make it more palatable, but I think that having the occasional definite plan may be a good thing. You're forced to get it together enough to get out of the house and go somewhere, or at least, if someone is visiting, to play host. Getting out of the house is sometimes very helpful if you're feeling stale.

Please don't think that I'm minimizing your problems or trying to blow sunshine.... I've been depressed myself. (And I'm wondering why I'm not now, actually, given my situation.)

I've found that, and I know this sounds corny, belonging to a club or support group or something is helpful At least if they have regular meetings. I really like my hobbies, but going to a club meeting (whether a hobby club or support group or whatever) seems to help me even if I'm too down to enjoy my hobbies in other ways.

I used to drop in on people a lot, but now I kind of prefer plans. I often get pretty involved in whatever it is I'm doing, so it's nice to know when I'm going to stop. I certainly wouldn't want someone dropping in in the middle of a two hour session making stuff with epoxy. Unless they wanted to stand there and let me wipe my gloves off on them...

I probably should plan my own activities better, too. At the beginning of the day, I often don't know what I'm going to be doing. I've heard there's this thing called a job that helps with this. Also helps with refilling bank account. But not so easy to get.

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