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My son is 9 and is extremely wild spirited.

His school brought in a representative for kids with special needs and disabilities. They sat us down and showed us this huge packet that had all these topics rated from 1-10. His mother had done a similar packet for home behaviors. After a long discussion and comparison of the two packets. The lady said he has ODD and needs to have special treatment in class and on assignments. 

I was perturbed, but listened to what they were saying. He has very emotional outbursts and yelling, screaming and throwing or kicking objects all around the house and at school. If you ask him to do something he, without hesitation, will respond with a no, tears and suddenly overwhelmed. If you say something about something he is doing he will argue even if it is clearly there and is exactly what I said it was. Like a chicken in a video game, I would say oh that's a chicken and he would say no it's not. And then I will point it out again he will get angry and still says no it's not. Asking him to do anything at home he would react with emotions that were not there a second ago and it is like I am dragging him into a pit of fire.

I was a terror growing up. I asked my mom and she just said spank it out if him. Not my method, she couldn't beat it out of me and it just made me scared to have emotions because they resulted in physical pain from the person who you should feel safe with. 

So I can't beat him up for this. I can't yell or become short tempered where I start saying stuff like, 'I don't care just get it done' while he is defeated and crying over his homework and doesn't have a clue on how to manage his emotions or the sudden defiance that his mind does instantly. He is in a state of confusion often and it pains me to see him in this state where nothing helps and everything is against him.

He has great runs of cooperating and wanting to do his chores and help me with mine. He is sweet and gentle. Loving and caring. But, when he spins up he losses his grip and can't control his defiance. I see the defeat. I have an MI, I came to CB for myself and never thought to mention this because of the third person rule. So I am not asking for advice on how to treat him. I want to know what do I do. How can I cope with the diagnosis, how do I accept this situation. Is there resources that I can research to increase my knowledge and skills to set.

I still need to parent him. I need to parent him with skills that are pertinent to his situation. I need support because I am hurting because he is hurting. 

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