Health Anxieties - Where to Draw The Line?

[Sync]

I'm dealing with an uptick in my OCD symptoms lately - particularly health obsessions. Right now I'm repeatedly checking that I have the same level of feeling in both sides of my face. I noticed something off about that yesterday and now I'm freaking out that I have a stroke or something.

I always have trouble with this one, because if I am having a stroke or a TIA or something, I definitely need a doctor ASAP. But on the other hand, health anxieties are always like this. It's always big, life-altering diseases that I'm afraid of. And if I go to the Dr. every time, I'm just wasting Dr. time and not practicing my exposure and response prevention and letting my OCD get worse. And if I wait long enough, the obsession goes away. So my first instinct is to practice my ERP by just sitting in my fear until I feel better.

But then it's hard to distinguish between a health anxiety and an actual symptom of stroke or whatever the fear-of-the-week is. I worry one of these times I'm going to ERP my way through an actual medical emergency and die because I can't tell the difference. OTOH, the symptoms I obsess over are always very subtle. Maybe I can just say that if I were having an actual stroke it wouldn't be subtle? Is that true?

I'm also incredibly embarrassed every time I go to the Dr. and they tell me not to worry. My Dr. is very nice and knows I have OCD, but I still feel absolutely humiliated every time my MI is visibly symptomatic. Having the Dr. tell me not to worry always takes care of the obsession, but again it's not ERP.

What to do?

[Juniper29]

Great question! I would also like to know. I recently developed a lot of driving-related obsessions and it turned out that there was actually something wrong with my car, just not any of the things I was worried about. It's hard to sort these things out when your brain is unreliable.

[jt07]

How old are you?

When I was younger, I used to have a lot of health anxieties, but the one thing that helped me was realizing that I was young and such conditions are rare at my then age. It's not impossible to have a stroke or heart attack when young, but the odds are greatly against it. 

Also, stroke symptoms are rarely subtle. Possibly, some TIAs are subtle, but strokes are debilitating. The same goes with many other health conditions. 

[Sync]

28. So really, very rare. I also don't have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, a smoking history, or a family history of stroke. I've also never taken birth control pills. Thinking about that does help, but I still can't calm down entirely. I keep thinking about how Aubrey Plaza had a stroke at 20. And maybe MI meds increase risk of stroke or something?

But like, I'd know, right? It wouldn't be an almost indiscernible difference in how one cheek feels vs the other, it'd be like I couldn't smile on both sides or I couldn't raise both arms to the same level or something. 

[Twizzy]

I was where you were for about 20 years.  Now my ocd and anxiety is taking different forms but I just thought I would chime in with my experience.

First, trying to tell yourself the odds are small or the chances of something happening are slim will not work.  Because there is always that rare case that you read about.

Which brings me to my next point.  If you are reading the internet or magazine articles about health problems then stop right now.  They are full of rare instances where someone symptoms were very subtle and the next moment they were a goner or had some terrible disease.  I read that those "mysterious symptom" articles actually pay  to show up on the first page of google because they know it will freak people out and they will constantly be rereading and clicking on it. Not reading these type of articles really, really helped me.

My dad had a stroke. He was crawling on the ground and couldn't see.  And he still alive and happy today with no residual problems. I don't remember where I heard it but I remember a doctor saying that those with health anxieties feed off of subtle symptoms.  When the vast majority of people are faced with a deadly disease or situation, they can't ignore the symptoms for long.  They worsen and they know something is wrong.  I finally started making my self obey the rule, "if it's subtle then ignore it". 

Anxiety can cause symptoms that can feel like a stroke, heart attack etc.  I was even one of those that ended up in the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack.  (Hello, panic attacks beginning)  I remember another time being sure I was having a stroke because 1/2 my body felt numb.  If you have a benzo medication than maybe try to take that and see if your symptoms go away.  That is my first rule of thumb when I start feeling like I'm having a stroke or heart attack.  If it goes away with my lorazepam then it's not life threatening. 

Finally, there are no guarantees in life. I am so like you and want to prevent anything bad from happening to me or my family but it just doesn't work that way.  Looking back I missed a lot of my kids' childhood because of all my anxieties that never happened.  I can't go back and change it but I have learned so much from it.  

I know the humiliation of seeing doctors all the time and feeling like they are beginning to hate me.  It is horrible but if you really feel like you have to go or you can't help it, then don't beat yourself up.  That makes everything worse.  I figure doctors get paid good money.  It's not like I'm asking them to give me a free visit.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  

 

[jt07]

53 minutes ago, Twizzy said:

First, trying to tell yourself the odds are small or the chances of something happening are slim will not work.  Because there is always that rare case that you read about.

I disagree with this. I have overcome my OCD largely by being taught in therapy to think rationally and logically about my obsessions and how likely my fears actually were. Yes, of course, there are rare instances but if you think logically about it and know anything about probability, you realize that it is unlikely to happen to you.

[Twizzy]

1 minute ago, jt07 said:

I disagree with this. I have overcome my OCD largely by being taught in therapy to think rationally and logically about my obsessions and how likely my fears actually were. Yes, of course, there are rare instances but if you think logically about it and know anything about probability, you realize that it is unlikely to happen to you.

You are, of course, right.  I'm sorry.  Instead of stating something as a fact.  I should have made clear that it was my experience.  I tried the CBT route many times and I just couldn't get it to stick.  My mind always ran to the worst case scenario.  I'm sure what you were taught was the right thing to do.   Sorry again,  I don't want to make things worse for anyone.

[Sync]

@Twizzy thank you. That's actually really helpful. I think a rule of "subtle = ERP it out" is probably a really good one. 

I actually am due for a general physical anyway and my doc had a appt free tomorrow morning so I'll just get that taken care of then.

My experience does mirror your own with not being able to convince myself to stop worrying by thinking about odds. It helps, but I can't use it to stop, you know? "It probably won't happen" doesn't curb the what if?

The only therapeutic technique that's ever worked for me properly is ERP. Just sit and refuse to do the compulsion and be anxious as hell and feel like you're dying until it goes away. Ugh.

[thunder]

 I wonder if your doctor could give you some general guidance as to what sort of symptoms merit getting checked out quickly in case they do indicate something serious vs those that you can try to ride out with your ERP for a while and then come in if they don't subside. There are a lot of variables, so I don't know how much help they can actually give toward that, but it might be worth asking about since it sounds like you have a pretty understanding doctor. 

[Sync]

My doc is really nice, but I still feel really embarrassed asking a question like that. I feel like my brain will blow anything she says out of proportion, too. She did tell me last time I saw her for an arm numbness thing that a real problem would be very dramatic instead of barely noticeable and I should watch for that.

Probably something to incorporate with my other health anxieties tbh.

I actually cancelled my physical this morning. I am due for one, but I wanna try and ERP this one out before I go. I think my increased OCD is a result of my new bupropion Rx but it's been miraculous for my depression so I really don't want to go off of it. Gonna try and see if I can handle it with therapeutic techniques. Pdoc did say she expected the increased OCD to go away with time, but just in case.

Rocking some meditation and breathing exercises right now. Fingers crossed!