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I feel incredibly isolated and lonely. Its been nearly 20 years since I went outside properly. I'm 32 now with no education, no job, no friends. I go days at a time without seeing or hearing from anyone. The older I get the worse it has become. At least when I was younger I thought I would get some help and my life would improve. I'd find things to enjoy, meet people, have a job and a family. It never happened.

I deleted facebook years ago as it was so depressing seeing what everyone I knew when I was young and even extended family have that I don't. I know you shouldn't be jealous of others but I am. 

I did have a long term relationship but that ended a few years ago, yet I still miss him and think about him constantly which is pathetic. He was the exact opposite of me. Very accomplished, out going and a great job. He was a little older than me and liked the fact I was so dependant on him and I liked the fact I felt protected, and that has made me worse in a lot of ways. He recently married the girl he left me for. Its hell knowing that in the first year they were together they did more then I could in the 7 years I was with him as I'm incapable of doing basic normal everyday things. I can't even manage to visit a restaurant.  

I've stopped trying to go out or meet new people. I don't have anything to offer them anyway.

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4 minutes ago, Raspberry said:

I feel incredibly isolated and lonely. Its been nearly 20 years since I went outside properly. I'm 32 now with no education, no job, no friends. I go days at a time without seeing or hearing from anyone. The older I get the worse it has become. At least when I was younger I thought I would get some help and my life would improve. I'd find things to enjoy, meet people, have a job and a family. It never happened.

I deleted facebook years ago as it was so depressing seeing what everyone I knew when I was young and even extended family have that I don't. I know you shouldn't be jealous of others but I am. 

I did have a long term relationship but that ended a few years ago, yet I still miss him and think about him constantly which is pathetic. He was the exact opposite of me. Very accomplished, out going and a great job. He was a little older than me and liked the fact I was so dependant on him and I liked the fact I felt protected, and that has made me worse in a lot of ways. He recently married the girl he left me for. Its hell knowing that in the first year they were together they did more then I could in the 7 years I was with him as I'm incapable of doing basic normal everyday things. I can't even manage to visit a restaurant.  

I've stopped trying to go out or meet new people. I don't have anything to offer them anyway.

I'm sorry you feel that way. It must be terrible. It's a big weight.

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On 8/26/2018 at 11:27 AM, Blahblah said:

This board is the only place where people seem to understand some of these struggles... Do you live with just your mom? And do you work? Hopefully, she is able to get out and do things - my parents are late 70's and just stay around the house all day. So even when I spend quality time with them, it is making me more depressed because they have slowed down so much :-(

I live with just my mom..

My parents are divorced..

Not sure where or what my dad is doing..

My mom is pretty active in a sense..

We hang out..take Bailey on walks..

But there is a lot of staying around the house all day too..

I can't and don't work..

I am on disability..

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58 minutes ago, lefer said:

I'm isolated as well. I live with my parents, I don't work for the past 11 years and I'm almost 40 even though I don't seem to. It's very hard to live the everyday life. 

I spend almost my entire time at home, because I have fear of going out. Fear of people and that something bad can happen to me. Probably this is paranoia. I didn't have paranoia, but since my three relapses I began having it.

I so much regret stopping my medication in the past.

The relationship with my parents is saturated. It's not healthy being around them all day. I can't entertain myself with nothing. Sometimes I write some rhymes just to express what I feel. But besides that I do nothing. Sometimes I pray (I know some of you are not religious).

It's just too hard having schizoaffective disorder. One plus is that I don't have hallucinations, never did. I got the negative symptoms and thought and behaviour disorder. I don't know how my life will be.

I feel like this illness takes a lot from us..

Like you I haven't been able to hold a job or work in a very long time..

I spend all my time with my mom whom I live with..

I have nobody else..

I have interests..but no desire..

It's like I'm dead or something..

I've gone on and off meds many times..

Now staying on this combo that sorta works..

Still have bad days though...

I'm not sure what the future will be either..

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28 minutes ago, Raspberry said:

I feel incredibly isolated and lonely. Its been nearly 20 years since I went outside properly. I'm 32 now with no education, no job, no friends. I go days at a time without seeing or hearing from anyone. The older I get the worse it has become. At least when I was younger I thought I would get some help and my life would improve. I'd find things to enjoy, meet people, have a job and a family. It never happened.

I deleted facebook years ago as it was so depressing seeing what everyone I knew when I was young and even extended family have that I don't. I know you shouldn't be jealous of others but I am. 

I did have a long term relationship but that ended a few years ago, yet I still miss him and think about him constantly which is pathetic. He was the exact opposite of me. Very accomplished, out going and a great job. He was a little older than me and liked the fact I was so dependant on him and I liked the fact I felt protected, and that has made me worse in a lot of ways. He recently married the girl he left me for. Its hell knowing that in the first year they were together they did more then I could in the 7 years I was with him as I'm incapable of doing basic normal everyday things. I can't even manage to visit a restaurant.  

I've stopped trying to go out or meet new people. I don't have anything to offer them anyway.

I can relate..

I am quite lonely..

And the older I get the worse it seems to get..

It takes a lot of preparation and self talk to get me motivated to leave the house these days..

I can understand comparing your life to others..I do it too..I deleted facebook too..for a few reasons..sick of seeing success..and scared of being found..

It's not pathetic to still think of someone you loved..it's a memory..in time it will get better..

I'm sorry the relationship didn't work out..

I can relate to feeling like you can't do basic normal things..I struggle myself..

I've stopped trying to go out and meet people too..

I'm sure though we both have something to offer..

It's just scary when you feel so lost and bad..

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5 minutes ago, coraline said:

I feel like this illness takes a lot from us..

Like you I haven't been able to hold a job or work in a very long time..

I spend all my time with my mom whom I live with..

I have nobody else..

I have interests..but no desire..

It's like I'm dead or something..

I've gone on and off meds many times..

Now staying on this combo that sorta works..

Still have bad days though...

I'm not sure what the future will be either..

I imagine myself all alone, poor, and old without anyone to talk to. It's hard as hell. I don't know hell, but my life is pretty tormenting. 

I know many people with this illness commit suicide, and I don't want to. I just want peace, love and relationship.

Leaving the medication was pretty much my fault, except this last time, which my previous doctor took me off the antipsychotic. Now I'm taking double the dose.

I lost interest in what I used to do. Programming and computer arts. It's been downhill side my relapses.

There is close to no support for people with severe mental illnesses where I live. And the one that exists is expensive.

Each day is agonizing. I always fear another day.

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3 minutes ago, lefer said:

I imagine myself all alone, poor, and old without anyone to talk to. It's hard as hell. I don't know hell, but my life is pretty tormenting. 

I know many people with this illness commit suicide, and I don't want to. I just want peace, love and relationship.

This. Peace, love and a relationship.

I want to be happy. I want a life where I'm not constantly thinking how lonely and unhappy I am. I want that for everyone. I have never understood how some people can be so positive and happy, even when something bad happens to them whilst I can't even get out of bed some days.

I want things to change and I want myself to change. I just have no idea how to make that happen. 

 

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3 minutes ago, lefer said:

I imagine myself all alone, poor, and old without anyone to talk to. It's hard as hell. I don't know hell, but my life is pretty tormenting. 

I know many people with this illness commit suicide, and I don't want to. I just want peace, love and relationship.

Leaving the medication was pretty much my fault, except this last time, which my previous doctor took me off the antipsychotic. Now I'm taking double the dose.

I lost interest in what I used to do. Programming and computer arts. It's been downhill side my relapses.

There is close to no support for people with severe mental illnesses where I live. And the one that exists is expensive.

Each day is agonizing. I always fear another day.

I know I take my life day by day..

It can be scary at times..

Yes the statistics are against us as far as suicide..I don't quite like that idea..

I'd love it if someday I end up in a loving relationship..I'm just not sure how that will happen..I rarely leave the house..

And am weary of people..

That's awful a Dr took you off medication..wtf..

It's so hard to find affordable healthcare..especially psychiatrists..it's ridiculous..

I can barely afford mine..she doesn't take my insurance..so it's out of pocket..

I guess I'm lucky that she's willing to do sliding scale..but on disability it's still a lot of my money..

I'm thankful I live in an area that has plenty of options for people with severe mental illness..but most are expensive too..

It is agony..

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9 minutes ago, coraline said:

I know I take my life day by day..

It can be scary at times..

Yes the statistics are against us as far as suicide..I don't quite like that idea..

I'd love it if someday I end up in a loving relationship..I'm just not sure how that will happen..I rarely leave the house..

And am weary of people..

That's awful a Dr took you off medication..wtf..

It's so hard to find affordable healthcare..especially psychiatrists..it's ridiculous..

I can barely afford mine..she doesn't take my insurance..so it's out of pocket..

I guess I'm lucky that she's willing to do sliding scale..but on disability it's still a lot of my money..

I'm thankful I live in an area that has plenty of options for people with severe mental illness..but most are expensive too..

It is agony..

Where I live, my doctor is from the national health system and it's free, but it's awful. I only have an appointment for January, and it will have passed 1 year and half since my last appointment. My doctor is very condescending. I dislike him. And because private doctors are expensive and it's my parents who pay, and they don't want to pay a private doctor, I'm stuck with this one.

Loving relationships; I've tried online dating, but when I have to disclose why I'm not working and do not work for 11 years (if I say that), and if I'm honest and say I have an illness, then they stop chatting. It makes me sad.

 

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7 hours ago, lefer said:

Loving relationships; I've tried online dating, but when I have to disclose why I'm not working and do not work for 11 years (if I say that), and if I'm honest and say I have an illness, then they stop chatting. It makes me sad.

 

This.  I have tried this before but I have zero to offer.  No job, no friends, not much of a future.  All I see ahead is more suffering.  I don't want to explain myself to a potential mate, so I just avoid the situation all together.

Women are attracted to strong men, who have a good job and purpose in life.  They're not looking for someone who spends 5 months of the year in bed and the rest recovering from those 5 months

 

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5 minutes ago, gb84 said:

Women are attracted to strong men, who have a good job and purpose in life.  They're not looking for someone who spends 5 months of the year in bed and the rest recovering from those 5 months

Right on. I totally get it. 

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13 minutes ago, gb84 said:

This.  I have tried this before but I have zero to offer.  No job, no friends, not much of a future.  All I see ahead is more suffering.  I don't want to explain myself to a potential mate, so I just avoid the situation all together.

Women are attracted to strong men, who have a good job and purpose in life.  They're not looking for someone who spends 5 months of the year in bed and the rest recovering from those 5 months

 

People will judge you you're right about that and not just in relationships. The minute I try and explain myself I get looked at like I'm ripping apart a puppy. I even had a medical professional who was making small talk with me before she gave me a biopsy judge me. She asked what I did for a living and I said I was unemployed and that I was trying to overcome agoraphobia so I don't go out much, and she went well haven't you even tried working? 

I wouldn't say all women are attracted to the same types of men. I know I'm not attracted just to strong men with good jobs etc. Overall the most important things for me are honesty, trust, kindness and understanding. Also these are traits (among others) that I need to work on in myself. I use to spend a lot of time missing my ex and looking for someone to replace him, hoping the right person would come along and save me and fix me. I know this isn't going to happen so I guess I need to work at being the right person and helping myself then looking for the right person that probably doesn't exist. Just need at least some idea on how to change and help myself first. 

The problem is when you are isolated and lonely, doing the same thing day in day out you can't even be bothered to try anymore.

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As a woman who's tried online dating, I've found that men desire a woman who has it together in all aspects. 

There's the dreaded "crazy bitch" label that gets applied to emotional women. Not denying that there are men and women who are more mentally ill than just emotional. I'm one of them. 

I get lonely. Go on the sites. Realize there mostly perverts. Then I hide my profile. Endless cycle

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On 8/30/2018 at 11:00 AM, deeschmee said:

As a woman who's tried online dating, I've found that men desire a woman who has it together in all aspects. 

There's the dreaded "crazy bitch" label that gets applied to emotional women. Not denying that there are men and women who are more mentally ill than just emotional. I'm one of them. 

I get lonely. Go on the sites. Realize there mostly perverts. Then I hide my profile. Endless cycle

I've tried online dating..

I disclosed everything..

My mental illness..

My living with my mom..

My being unable to work..

My not driving..

Everything..

 

I'm not sure what the definition of having it together really is..

All I know is I'd still get responses..

 

However..

Most of them were anything but desirable..

Men would ask how it was to be in my situation..how it was to be crazy..

If I was stable enough to be around..

Some obviously just wanted sex..

 

Some didn't bother reading the details of my profile where I stated I was uncomfortable giving out my number right away..

They would be so pushy..

Some had kids..I want nothing to do with kids..

 

I just gave up..

Besides I'm too damn scared to go out with anyone anyways..

 

My track record of picking out men is horrible..

All have been abusive..I'd probably just find myself in the same situation..

Edited by coraline

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@coraline

I'm sorry you have to feel this way. 

It takes so much energy to think about these things.

One can only hope that one day, somehow, things will get better. If only a tiny little bit. ❤

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