I know it's not a competition in any way, with illness. But had a surprise when a friend messaged me to ask how I was doing. I replied &thanked her, said it was really nice to hear from her (particularly because I've been lonely, isolating myself, depression, etc). She literally responded with "Well, I got cancer so I'm sure it's worse than you..." That's all she wrote, no elaboration.
What would you make of this reply? I'm empathic, and assume she's hurting or afraid. (btw I don't know if she still has it, or successfully treated already)
I literally had no idea what was going on and I gave her support, told her I'm here for her for anything if she wants to talk, but in a way, I feel hurt, because of the way people with illnesses always "one up" and diminish each other, like experiencing one type of illness, trauma or pain is much worse than another?
I've been experiencing depersonalization frequently recently but I don't understand why. I probably don't fit the criteria of depersonalization disorder so the only other reason I could experience is if I used a psychedelic substance, which I do not. I've been wondering if depression is the cause of the depersonalization as it often, but not always, happens during MDD episodes. Could this be correct?
Because of my depression, I like many people, have pitifully low self esteem.
Ever since Iast year I been having a tendency to daydream of having a better life and various other powerfantasies I make up. When daydreaming my self esteem skyrockets and I feel good. But I kinda resent it because I hate vanity and I'm worried that having super high self esteem will make me arrogant and vain and grandiose. I also begin to kinda lose touch with reality and think that I'm above the rules and stuff like that. I'm worried about becoming egotistic.
I had a debate about this 2 days ago with my therapist and she said that the daydreams aren't bad because it's better than having extremely low self esteem(paraphrased). I disagreed.
So with all this in mind, is it an adaptive or maladaptive coping mechanism?
My mood has been absolutely deplorable for the past month or so. I honestly don't know how to begin to describe how bad it is. I have a lot of the "negative" symptoms, a profound deficit of positive affect. Nothing in life gives me pleasure, suicidal thoughts begin to surface, and I sometimes descend further into psychotic depression. These are my depressive episodes. I don't know how else to paint the picture more thoroughly because I never know what to say, and it really bothers me when I'm like that when I'm around my boyfriend. I want to talk, but I can never think of anything to say, so I rely on him to start conversations.
I don't get it... Dopamine has been posited to be a central neurotransmitter in the pathenogenesis of anhedonia, and I'm on multiple meds that supposedly on their own and in combinations with other meds I'm taking can treat anhedonia. What am I missing??
I'm on Dexedrine up to 60 mg as needed, Vyvanse 50 mg, Wellbutrin 200 mg, Viibryd 40 mg (increases dopamine via postsynaptic 5-HT1A receptor stimulation), Vraylar 3 mg... What else could possibly help?
There's no relief in sight when I'm like this.