I feel really stupid to post this rant, but is it just me or does Facebook manage to make you increasingly depressed? Not only recently (crappy political stuff) but the real crazymaking for me is the lives of others, friends, acquaintances from over the years. I’m extremely sensitive and horribly envious of everything (Their families, newborns/kids, careers, house, exotic travel etc) Women have a baby and they get 500 Likes (many women credit breeding as the most outstanding achievement in life, with no thought for those couples who cannot)…they post a super-filtered Selfie and get 500 Likes….etc etc.
FB breeds this contempt towards myself. People tell me to just quit or block ppl however, I’ve moved very far away and have literally no real contact (or attempts at contact) from people I know. ATM, I have no real friends. I’m afraid the tiny smidgen of connection (even if it is just Likes and Happy Birthday messages) will be obliterated and I’ll disappear into black vortex of nothingness …where I become even more invisible and alienated from modern life and humans.
My life has shattered by deep depression & anxiety. I have absolutely no support. I'm approaching yet another Birthday and feel like I'm not hitting any of the desired milestones that other people are. I really try to be happy for old friends - but i just end up blaming myself for my misery, and the lack of a meaningful/happy life that i cannot seem to create no matter what I do.
Even worse, the friends that constantly post trite Eckart Tolle quotes, blather or similar Wayne Dyer “Law of Attraction” type philosophies that everyone glorifies. (Dr. Dyer fancies himself a prophet, minister, or shaman. IMO, He offers nothing but sophomoric platitude, a $$ making scheme.) People do not realize how much victim-blaming & damaging these words do to people with trauma, disease, poverty, anyone with MI. He claims that everything you experience - “You are attracting to yourself” “Change your thoughts and simply change your life!!”
I never intended to be mentally ill & fight thoughts of suicide frequently. I feel hurt. The statement that “Your attitude attracts everything that happens to you” That somehow, “being more grateful - you will manifest all the best things in life.” I struggle & TRY to buy into this crap, then feel like a failure because i cannot manifest anything that I dream about.
What else can I do? This may sound juvenile, but I am really struggling/suffering from this problem and cannot get myself to Delete FB or block a bunch of people….is this some kind of obsession???
I have been waiting to get this off of my chest for God only knows how long.
When I was with a friend at home, we were looking at people's profiles on Facebook. We decided to look at one of my used-to-be friends from London and went on her profile to look at her pictures. Well for one reason or the other, my friend thought that she saw drugs in one of these girl's photos and automatically assumed that she was on drugs. Well, I believed her for whatever reason and we both decided to relay a message to her asking her if she was on drugs. Mind you, I haven't spoken to this girl in almost a decade! Of course, she responded angrily and I felt horrible, especially when something in the back of my head told me not to do it.
Well, that does no conclude the story. I ended up apologizing to the girl and she seemingly accepted my apology. I actually was heading to London for a study abroad program, so I suggested that we hung out to catch up. She agreed, and we eventually did. She was her typical self, but it was cool to see her again. Not until my manic/depressive phase popped in. Well one thing led to another and I got mad at her over the course of the semester and sent her mean message on Facebook AGAIN. She obviously wasn't so pleased and this was after her mom helped me out and invited me to eat with her family at one point during my stay. She replied with a mean email, then I deleted her off of my Facebook. If this was not an irrational move, then I do not know what was. Years later, we're no longer friends and I'm still highly embarrassed.
Oh, it gets better.
Years later, a similar incident occurred where I sent an unwanted message on Facebook to some other girl. I went to school with this girl decades ago, like elementary school, middle school, a bit of high school and that was it. It turned out that her father was indicted for fraud and money laundering in which everyone immediately found out. I remember this pretty well, because at the time I unknowingly became very manic and hyper and felt really compelled to go around and give everyone life advice and to believe in the word of God so suddenly. I heard about what happened to my childhood friend's dad, went on Facebook and couldn't decide if I should send her an email of sympathy - in which I did anyway. I said, "Blessings to you and your family. Stay positive!" She ended up deleting me off of Facebook, mostly likely because 1) her business is not my own and 2) how rude! Months later, I can't believe I did that. All out of a manic episode.
I even thought I was psychic (manic/psychotic episode) for a while and told a guy that I liked that he was going to fall in love with a girl just like me (oh, dear God) over a weekend at a bar and he ended up calling me an insane person. Great.
I told my used-to-be best friend that she was always on drugs and long story short, told her that she needed God in her life and that angels did exist. She did do drugs, but her business was not my own (manic episode). WHAT the hell.
I'm sure there were other ridiculous moments that I endured, but these, I really needed to get off of my chest. Bipolar created such a chain of embarrassing events and I don't know how I ever endured them. It just slaps such a hard memory on all of the things that you said and done! I don't talk to any of these people anymore, which I may be a good thing in the long run, but I can't get over the slash it put on my character!
If anyone has endured anything similar, please share!
Has anyone ever tried online therapy? I mean where you pay to talk to someone online where they say you can talk everyday if you want? It is the only affordable option I have without waiting for weeks. This would be so convenient, especially getting to talk to someone the day I need to rather than having to wait for an appointment. I tend to panic at times when I feel that something is falling a part, and this would be great to help keep me calm until I find someone else like a friend willing to support me when I need them. My friends are so busy (which is understandable, and they work almost all day everyday). My fiance cannot handle helping me, it stresses him out too much, so I cannot rely on him for support as depressing as that is.
I do not expect anything amazing from this, but I do want it to be more than only an outlet. As in someone who is actually trained to help someone and will do more than the obvious and basic.
Anyone have any experiences with it or warnings against it?
My (only) friend is in his cousin's wedding party and he invited me to go along. He will be wearing a fancy suit. I tried on a dress for him last night and he wasn't really into it. He suggested I wear dress pants and a blouse instead. The problem is then I won't match him, but if I wear the dress I'll spend the whole night thinking it looks horrible on me since I got a poor reaction from my "date".
I also have to cab there alone.
What do other people with social anxiety do when they have to go to big events? I can't skip because it means a lot to my friend and my family that I see this commitment through. And it will probably mean a lot to me that I went afterwards. I'm just so afraid that I won't fit in or be good enough, or that I will have a panic attack, or that I will bail out.
I don't feel pretty. I've spent a lot of time alone and depressed. I am pasty white, I haven't had a haircut in a year, I don't have long fingernails, and I'm even wearing broken, very old glasses because my nephew broke my proper ones. I just feel like a bum that doesn't deserve to go.
I really want to do this and succeed, but I don't know how. Can anyone help me?
Officials in the Manhattan district attorney’s office now say they need broad access to the Facebook account information of 381 people to root out Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) claim fraud.
Jeff Stone reports in the International Business Times that prosecutors say they are looking at about 1,000 people who defrauded the federal government of about $400 million in SSDI benefits.
Facebook has objected to the warrants, saying it believes that the government is charging only 62 of the users, and that the other users may never have a chance to challenge the warrants.
Facebook fights SSDI case data call | Life Health Pro