It's been a long while since my last visit here, and even longer since last writing anything.
I don't know where to write this, or even what to write, but there really is no one else to talk to.
So... long story short, I attempted suicide about 6 months ago (not my first try), and obviously, failed at that, again. I have been in a relationship more or less 5 years now, and I guess I can summarize that into "it's complicated". Things have been going from bad to worse since the suicide attempt. To a point that few weeks ago, my (I don't know what to call him, "partner"?) was violent towards me (not really the first time this kind of thing has happened, but certainly the worst).
He so angry all the time (at me, I guess.. and certainly some of it is completely justified), it feels like he is expecting me to be "grateful" for him saving my life, and when I can't, it makes things even worse.
It doesn't really make things any easier, that we both have some pretty serious issues. Me with depression, and trauma-related dissociative "disorder" (?), or at least a tendency to dissociate in difficult situations. And he with alcohol abuse, and some traumas of his own.
Anyway, right now we are still living in the same house (he is occupying most of the space, and I am kind of living in my workroom) but we don't really have a "together-life". I don't have a lot of friends in general, and the few I have are living relatively far from where I live. My mother lives not-too-far-away, but we aren't very close, and I can't imagine talking to her about this.
Hey yall I wanted to get some better insight on a situation. I am set to see a therapist in a few weeks, I just wanted to see if I was overthinking the situation or how I should try to cope with it better.
My fiance and I live together with my parents under the same roof. My fiance goes to grad school and I study at home and volunteer to build my career. In the past, my fiance and my folks got along really well together and are friends. Lately though it seems like they are being more critical of my fiance. After thinking about it, I am beginning to think that it is mostly my parents being a bit possessive of me and clingy.
My sister is an actress and is in a lot of stage plays every couple of months. I'm not that into theater, but I don't have a problem going to see my sister with my folks. My fiance however has a really hard time in plays and theater. He has a hard time staying still and is a bit fidgety, which kinda annoys me. He also hates plays, so it's kind of a bad combination. I do not have any problems with him just staying home and me going to see my sister. However, my folks have a big problem with this. They told me that he is unsupportive and would make a bad husband if he doesn't go see all of my sisters plays. After speaking with him about it, my fiance decided to compromise and agreed that he would go see a few plays a year (We go like once every 2-3 months). This, however, isn't good enough for my parents still. My mom since then has suggested that he isn't a good partner for me.
There are also smaller stuff that they complain about. They don't like that he plays video games for more than 2 hours at a time, that he is sexist for asking me to make him scrambled eggs, and that he doesn't go out to dinner with my folks every time (my parents eat out A LOT). The most annoying thing is that I have never at all felt like he is a bad partner!!!! He literally makes my life better, helps out my anxiety, and makes me a better person!!! I seriously think I'm going crazy sometimes because I literally cannot see any problems about what he is doing. If anything, I respect my fiance more because he has handled this gracefully, has been polite and a responsible tenant, and has been super supportive and trusting of me.
The problem is that i have GAD and get really bad obsessive thoughts, which makes me really anxious. I can't stop thinking about my parents hating my fiance. If anything is negatively effecting my relationship at all, its the fact that my parents don't approve of him fully. It just really fucking sucks when someone actively improves your life and your own parents can't see that. I was wondering if anyone had any tips with stopping obsessive thoughts with this situation.
This is something I’m thinking about a lot lately. People without a mental illness don’t understand the costs we have: broken relationships, lost jobs, and poor spending episodes (putting it mildly). Add in all the costs of meds, doctor visits, therapy appointments - I didn’t choose this, but it is what it is.
Staying on meds, for me, has created some stability after years without any. But now I face homelessness in a couple days unless a miracle occurs. I’m pissed off at myself for HAVING this, although I can’t control that I do.
I’ve been depressed for quite a while, but still able to get to work. Over a year ago, when first diagnosed, I was off a few months, a total wreck, and am still crawling out from the financial fallout. Last month the pdoc added a new med. Within a week, I was hearing voices (not something I do) and was terribly depressed and had suicidal ideation. I quit the med and felt better within a week. During that time I took two days off work and hibernated, feeling hopeless and majorly depressed the first day. The next day I went to the pdoc and told her the effects of the new med I’d stopped. I went because my work demands a dr note to return to work. Telling her I felt like crap but have to work because I’m alone and have no back-up for money, I needed the note. She refused and said I’d get no note until I went through IOP. I went and after week 3 I told a dr there I’m ok and can’t continue because I must work. Got the note, no problem. They said they wanted me to stay off at least 2 more weeks, maybe more, but gave me the release. *sigh*
Been back at work a couple wks and doing pretty well. The first of the month came and I had no way to pay my rent. A small disability pymt was expected but hadn’t arrived (not enough for rent anyway). The way our pay works, and since I was gone 3 wks, no pay for me until the end of the month.
Yesterday I came home to a 3 day notice on my door. The property management is a big corporation and not willing to even give a few days and see from my dr release I’ve been out, doctor’s orders. I’ve asked a couple of people but they can’t help. I’m sad that I’ve failed. Loathing myself and my illness at all right now, I’m just hit in the face how much having this sucks.
The costs go way beyond buying something one doesn’t need. Even when doing things the way they’re supposed to be done, it still can bite ya in the butt. Tired. Exhausted. Fed up.
Second post on this forum (woohoo!), but, I was wondering if anyone has any advice for smoothing out a relationship between two bipolar people. My fiance and I have been together for nearly three years now, engaged for almost two of those years, we're both under the age of 25 (but over 18), we live together, and we're both bipolar. She has Type I and I'm just recently diagnosed Type II. Both our diagnosis(es?) have been in the past year, and we've both been trying medicines (her first, then me as my dx came months after); she is presently unmedicated. We both see the same psychologist but different prescribing doctors/GPs. We do not presently do any sort of couples therapy, our therapy sessions are separate and confidential. Our relationship in all it's years has always had very rough spots that we stick out because we genuinely love each other and care for one another, and want to see each other grow/be apart of each other's lives. However, our MIs (bipolar, ptsd, possible schizo-spect disorder on our end) have nearly ripped us apart for good many times. We took an almost month long break after our most recent big falling out, out of desperation to try and amend ourselves and our relationship. Being apart for a bit seemed to help, but we seem to have fallen right back into the "cycle" of our relationship. The extreme highs and lows that are no doubt also attributed to our bipolar. Does any have any words of wisdom or advice to think about/keep in mind when trying to keep the relationship afloat? We genuinely do love and care for one another and want to make what we have at our best work. It just seems to get more and more difficult. Hopefully meds will help even us out, we know we need to work on ourselves to help the relationship.
Anything is much appreciated!
By Angeni Mai
I'm mostly looking for advice at this moment on how to foster and encourage my significant other's (soon to be married) interests. She seems to want to share a lot of things with me, such as things about other people and all; however, when it comes to her interests, she tells me about them but doesn't include me in them. I know she tries but she also gives up if she even perceives that I'm not interested. Often times it isn't a lack of interest but rather that I may be having a bad day or an having difficulties with things and processing. (I have Cerebral Palsy and multiple mental health diagnoses)
I don't mean to make her feel like I have no interest or I don't want to get along, but is it not ok to indulge in my own thing/ have some alone time? A lot of things I do bother her sensory issues (singing opera, playing jokes, touch randomly without remembering her boundaries because my memory is shit). I want to better our relationship by sharing some in each other's interests but I also still have that need to do my own thing when it is something I know she can't handle. She's also pregnant which makes her sensory issues twice as bad, which has lead to some hard feelings, especially when I would like to sing (as I have a generally loud singing voice as I've sung opera for the past 8 years.
She also has a developmental delay that causes her to need to speak things aloud and get that feedback on social situations and some other things to process them, in which she is quite long-winded most of the time. That has also lead to more hard feelings as it leads to limited time to indulge in anything else but talking from the time we are up until the time she goes to bed. Any other time that's left during the day, she usually insists that we spend it together because she wants to be close but she has also said that if we don't have that closeness each and every day, multiple times a day even (most days) then she and I will be too distant and she won't be able to open back up to me because I'll be a stranger (she has had issues with selective mutism when she was a child is the only thing I could assume she means by she will stop opening up). It may just be a matter of her mental health and I just misunderstood what she meant, however, is it wrong of me to feel like she is somewhat playing mind games/ manipulating me/ twisting my arm for me to pay all of my attention to her?
She is currently visiting from Canada and I live 422 miles away from her home. She has said that things will be different when we go back to Canada in 5 days, but I don't know whether or not I can trust this as I have seen different happen when she's back home and we just talk over video call. She says she doesn't really lie, and I know that, but is it bad of me to feel like she just doesn't really know herself all that well in what she really and needs from a person, especially when she's never really been in a long term relationship before us getting together? I'm really trying to let go of the past but this is just a lot to handle.
Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with these situations? Is it too much for me to continue to wish for and sometimes expect her to understand my needs? Is it too much for me to want to be left alone sometimes (as it helps me to cope with life and process my own emotions)?
I really don't want her or our relationship to suffer because I'm not giving her what she needs.
Thanks for any responses. They are much appreciated.
P.S. ~ Are there any books you would recommend somebody in a relationship with somebody who has ASD reads to have a better understanding of what it is like to have autism or books on how to cope with the differences in their partner?
P.P.S. ~ I know she's not a manipulative person and she wouldn't mindfully force me to do what I don't wish to, it's just I feel backed into a corner most days and I lash out emotionally in anger and start to yell when she's annoying me, most often times at the expense of being called mean when I say something she doesn't view as true and, at the best of times, neither do I. I guess it's just hard when both parties have mental health issues that result in a lot of emotions (and a TON of anger) and developmental issues, and social skills deficits on her end. I love her to death though and just want to make things easier on the both of us, more so on her though.