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Do you feel like you matter? (to someone)

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How do you go about most of your days when you're feeling totally ignored, neglected, unloved, lonely, invisible, and useless, like you don't matter to anyone? I can accept that I will always have depression (and the emptiness & struggle that comes with that) that i must (and do) treat, but it is becoming more and more difficult to accept that I don't deeply matter to anyone but the 2 people that gave birth to me (who will soon be gone).

No one else gives a damn. No one is really truly there for you (especially when the chips are down). This is where much of my suffering comes from and why life often does not seem worth living. Does having "self-love" make up for this pain & isolation? And if so, how do you "love yourself"? I already do millions of "self-care' activities everyday, regular therapy appointments, read too many self-help books, and I still have this crushing pain, emptiness and self-hatred inside.

 

Edited by Blahblah
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I relate 100%. My kids were brainwashed by my ex and his ex. So they have zero empathy or understanding regarding my MI.  Brother and sister committed suicide, dad died in his plane 12 years ago, and mother is a raving bitch and seriously never loved me.

I literally have no one, sans my dog. I’m panicking because she’s 4 years old on the 1st and I realize that isn’t old, but I often have anxiety attacks just realizing someday I won’t even have her  

I’m just today feeling relief from depression thanks to Viibryd, so the pain isn’t as intense, but it’s always there.

Not near as bad now though. 

So there’s hope for you, in that once you start feeling better from depression, it may very well hurt much less?

Have you ever considered volunteering at an animal shelter or anything like that? 

When I did, I started to feel more compassion for myself and more self worth  

I really hope you feel better soon.

 

 

Edited by DammitJanet
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1 hour ago, DammitJanet said:

I relate 100%. My kids were brainwashed by my ex and his ex. So they have zero empathy or understanding regarding my MI.  Brother and sister committed suicide, dad died in his plane 12 years ago, and mother is a raving bitch and seriously never loved me.

I literally have no one, sans my dog. I’m panicking because she’s 4 years old on the 1st and I realize that isn’t old, but I often have anxiety attacks just realizing someday I won’t even have her 

I am blown away by what you have gone through. I am so sorry for your losses. Do you see your kids much?  It is the zero empathy from anyone: close family members, a spouse or supposed "partner" through thick & thin - that kills me. I'm grateful my parents who I love very much, are still alive, but they're old, sick and wont be here long. They are literally the only thing keeping me alive.

That's positive to hear that Vibryd is helping (I'll add that one to my list). Do you have a career/job at least that keeps you busy or distracted?

I haven't found any meds or combos that make a big enough dent in my depression. I need to break from therapy very soon,  because i can't afford it. The 2 decades worth I've had, hasn't done much. I would volunteer, but there is nothing available where i live (foreign country, no volunteer opportunities nor animal shelters). I would absolutely love to work in an animal shelter and I would gladly take allergy pills everyday if I could have a pet in my apartment building....But seriously, how do you do it (keep going?) without any emotional support and connection from human beings? Let alone financially staying above water with no family or friends...I don't know how people here do it on their own.

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I know I don't matter. Little family ,No friends, No partner, No kids, No pets, No job, No education. 

Lately I don't know why I'm still bothering. 

Edited by Raspberry
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40 minutes ago, Blahblah said:

I am blown away by what you have gone through. I am so sorry for your losses. Do you see your kids much?  It is the zero empathy from anyone: close family members, a spouse or supposed "partner" through thick & thin - that kills me. I'm grateful my parents who I love very much, are still alive, but they're old, sick and wont be here long. They are literally the only thing keeping me alive.

That's positive to hear that Vibryd is helping (I'll add that one to my list). Do you have a career/job at least that keeps you busy or distracted?

I haven't found any meds or combos that make a big enough dent in my depression. I need to break from therapy very soon,  because i can't afford it. The 2 decades worth I've had, hasn't done much. I would volunteer, but there is nothing available where i live (foreign country, no volunteer opportunities nor animal shelters). I would absolutely love to work in an animal shelter and I would gladly take allergy pills everyday if I could have a pet in my apartment building....But seriously, how do you do it (keep going?) without any emotional support and connection from human beings? Let alone financially staying above water with no family or friends...I don't know how people here do it on their own.

I’ve only seen my daughter 4 times in the past 6 years. ? My son, once. I don’t work. I’m on disability only clearing 800 a month, so I absolutely cannot afford to go see them.

My ex raised them from their tweens on because (long awful story) I was illegally evicted and became homeless.   ? So instead of him telling them I was ill, he chalked it all up to just being a lazy, immature, bad mother  ?

It took me a couple of years to find a medication that really helps so there’s definitely hope for you!

Thank you for your condolences. My brother’s suicide is very recent still so I’m definitely still going through hell on many days and some horrific nightmares about it but it’s getting better each month. 

I feel terrible for your situation though...to have no outlets for volunteering thus making it that much harder to try and make new connections. And to not be able to have a pet is brutal. Abby is my only saving grace. 

So have you checked the meet up site? Or are you too far in the boondocks for that too?

Well know this  I care about you. I feel immense empathy and compassion for you and truly hope that you can finally at very least find that magical med combo that will lift a good part of that weight off your shoulders.

 I wish we were in closer proximity so we could just hang out at the dog park together while my dog runs all over the place.

 

 

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32 minutes ago, Raspberry said:

I know I don't matter. Little family ,No friends, No partner, No kids, No pets, No job, No education. 

Lately I don't know why I'm still bothering. 

I’m sorry ?. Remember once you feel better you may, like I did this morning, suddenly feel the urge to get more education. Even if it’s just a painting class!

You said little family. That’s great you have at least a little! Do all you can to build on it. If you can. 

I really hope you feel some relief soon. 

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It's a sort of mantra which I repeat to myself every morning - no-one loves you, no-one cares. Then I pinch off, wipe and go and make a cup of coffee. So begins another day. As someone who had crap parents I'm always amazed to meet people who actually like their parents. I thought that fathers only hugged their sons in movies. But I probably do matter to my brother and sister. I guess the thing is that it's different to matter to someone who isn't related. You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family, and nobody has choosen me. Though this might have something to do with me being unsociable and scared of relationships. Yeah maybe just a bit.

Family should love you and think that you matter whoever you are (ideally, if often not always in practice), and me and my fellow offspring care about our mother more than she damn well deserves. My brother has said on more than one occasion that if she wasn't related then he'd want nothing to do with her. I don't disagree. You seem to have nice parents but even so I can understand wanting to matter to someone with whom you don't share DNA. Not because they're related to you but because you're you and you matter to them because of that. There's some proof there that you're actually worthwhile. I imagine.

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42 minutes ago, DammitJanet said:

Well know this  I care about you. I feel immense empathy and compassion for you and truly hope that you can finally at very least find that magical med combo that will lift a good part of that weight off your shoulders.

 I wish we were in closer proximity so we could just hang out at the dog park together while my dog runs all over the place.

Thank you for the kind words. That would be really nice to join you at the dog park to watch the dogs run around :-) I'll keep that vision in my head today.

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2 minutes ago, Blahblah said:

Thank you for the kind words. That would be really nice to join you at the dog park to watch the dogs run around :-) I'll keep that vision in my head today.

Likewise ?

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Mostly.... no. Not really. 

But if pushed, I know I matter to a few people from here, and to my friend J who lives far away. J, however, has given me permission to go. He says he understands and wouldn't be angry with me for ending my life. (My tdoc and pdoc were properly horrified when he said that this spring).

Oh. I do matter to my dog. He gets rather pathetic and pouty when I'm away. It's not enough, though, to take away the pain you talk about. 

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This is the exact thing on my mind lately. The loneliness and frustration knowing I'm human and will always feel this need to want to mean something to others. But no one sees me. I feel disposable and absolutely nothing would be disturbed if something happened to me. I wish it didn't crush me inside the way it does because I don't know what to do to change things. I try but people never stay. I have no more to offer.  

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4 hours ago, sbdivemaster said:

  My 16 year old dog went to the Rainbow Bridge earlier this year - I basically walk alone through life.

If you feel ready to get another dog, I would encourage you to do so, it could really help....

Of course, I understand if you are still grieving for the one who recently passed.

Edited by CrazyRedhead

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Interestingly I never lived life and worried about that much...

I just aim to feel better, but I've never felt like I "needed" anyone else to survive.  

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I think feeling loved, cared for or having a sense of social belonging is a fundamental human need (well at least according to Maslow)..

Physiological (food, water, sleep, shelter)

Safety (personal/job/financial security, health, and safe environments)

Love/Social belonging (friendships, intimacy, family, or community)

Esteem (self esteem, self respect, mastery, confidence, independence, freedom)

Self-actualization (using abilities, talents, pursuing goals, parenting, seeking happiness)

Self-transcendence (spiritual, beyond oneself)

 

 

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