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Dewey

Who was that person last night, could that really have been me?

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Last night was scary for me.  I felt a mood suddenly ink in and I think I may have been hallucinating or dissociating due to the anxiety I was experiencing.  I actually saw out of the corner of my right eye a face that was letting out all the angst I was feeling.  It was a tortured hideous expression, and as soon as it appeared, it disappeared and I could feel all those churning emotions inking back into me.  Soo weird !!!  Was this dissociation, am I now BiPolar, what in the heck happened to me?  Never had this, this intense before.  I was afraid of........ me.

I could tell something seriously was wrong, so what do I do? I go straight to the computer and go to my favorite site to order things I have never been able to afford before as that is one technique to self soothe, only I went overboard.  Yes, I extended my line of credit one late night and now I am buying things that I don't even remember, even two or three of the same item.  I am now busy returning most of them.  However, there are items I have wanted for sooo long that I am now buying, I won't even go into the items I am sending back, way to embarrassing, lol. 

What scared me the most was the enormous scary mood swing, out of the blue, the mood was bigger than life to me.  I could hear my psych doc telling me what to do as going thru a mood swing like this your body can tolerate extra medication, so I took 1/2 of a 25 mg Seroquel and it did nothing to stop the mood, so 1/2 hour later, I took another half of the 25 mg and it worked, within 30 minutes I was out and I slept 14 hours, woke up in a completely different mood, a completely different person.  I had to say to myself this morning when I woke up, who was that person last night, I didn't even recognize myself and what I went thru.  What a difference a good nights sleep does and strong medicine to help me get to and stay asleep.   Wondering now if I am BiPolar because I heard that only a solid 12 hours of sleep will break cycling and I was definitely cycling last night. 

I have been coming down from Zyprexa due to extreme vertigo, so wondering if this may have been part of what happened to me.  I also have reduced the Klonopin due to issues with my HMO and have had to stock-pile them, which leaves me wide open for more anxiety.  Lately, my mood and anxiety/panic have rendered me housebound and even sometimes too fearful to get out of my bed. 

Well, thanks for reading this.  I don't know if anyone can shed any light on this to help me. 

 

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I took another 25 mg of Seroquel last night and slept 15 hours this time.  I feel soo grounded, a completely different person who is in control (if that's possible,lol) of my mood.  However, last night, before bedtime, I became incredibly paranoid and fearful.  Popped the Seroquel and all was well about an hour later. 

I live in a place where women gossip and scheme to hurt others and I know, by valued and trusted sources, that I'm being schemed about.  They did not know the details, unfortunately, but I was warned. 

I am thinking of putting a security alarm system on my front door and will start to wear my mace and whistle.  I have my name on other places but there are long waiting lists. 

Dewey

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I think of seroquel as a reset button for me some times.  I don’t take it regularly and I require more (50-100mg).  But it’s a similar sort of thing.

ive done the late night shopping before.  I can’t really shed a lot of insight on what’s going on, but you aren’t th only one.

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4 minutes ago, dancesintherain said:

I think of seroquel as a reset button for me some times.  I don’t take it regularly and I require more (50-100mg).  But it’s a similar sort of thing.

ive done the late night shopping before.  I can’t really shed a lot of insight on what’s going on, but you aren’t th only one.

Thank you Dances, I don't feel soo all alone in all this now.  Appreciate your feedback !!!

I was going to jump up to 50 mg Thursday night, but the 25 mg knocked me out. 

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