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Dewey

Major mood changes Fall and Spring

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I didn't realize this until I was reading another post, but here it is again, the first day of Fall in the US in two days.  Already leaves are turning colors, falling, and the light outside is changing. Usually every change in season, I have one or two manic episodes. Last night had what I believe was my first manic episode in a long time.  But last evening was scarier, all the typical symptoms of mania along with visual disturbances and sensations I had never experienced before.  Left a vmail message on my psych docs line this morning thinking this is the smart thing to do, it usually takes alot for me to bother him in between sessions, but he does encourage this, fortunately. I left him the data and left it up to him if he feels he needs to call me back next week.  I see him in two weeks.

So, I remember my psych doc telling me once in a mood change, one can take a little extra medicine to help.  I only take Seroquel as needed, so took 1/2 of a 25 mg of Seroquel and nothing happened.  Thirty minutes took the next 1/2 of the 25 mg and finally sleep arrived.  I slept 14 hours straight and when I woke up, I woke up to a totally different person.  That scary weird out of control mood was no longer there (thought I was going to have to call 911 for help), the cycling was almost gone and slowly drifted away throughout the day. 

I am 67 and finding that my brain is functioning differently lately.  It's beginning to scare me, of course the aging process is very scary.  I have addressed this with my psych doc many times, even my neurologist and they do not seem concerned. I had an MRI and all was normal there for someone my age. These are all new symptoms to me, or maybe the same but more dramatic, I think. 

I have had more than my share of significant triggers last 9 months.  I tried therapy last two weeks and actually ran out of the therapists room last week due to a panic attack. I warned her not to push. I even had it all written out for her to read, but oh no, she wanted me to verbalize it and then she swung into asking me about bodily feelings, that was when I ran out of her room in a blind panic.  She wanted me to reveal too much stuff too fast and I kept warning her. Will not go back to her.  So, now I have to get up the courage to seek out someone else.  My psych doc will not refer me to anyone, as is his way, which makes it harder on me.  

Okay, will close for now. 

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