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Thursday night was scary for me.  I felt a mood suddenly ink in and I think I may have been hallucinating or dissociating due to the anxiety I was experiencing.  I actually saw out of the corner of my right eye a face that was letting out all the angst I was feeling.  It was a tortured hideous expression, and as soon as it appeared, it disappeared and I could feel all those churning emotions inking back into me.  Soo weird !!!  Was this dissociation, am I now BiPolar, what in the heck happened to me?  Never had this, this intense before.  I was afraid of........ me. I don't have a clue what triggered all this.

I could tell something seriously was wrong, so what do I do? I go straight to the computer and go to my favorite site to order things I have never been able to afford before as that is one technique to self soothe, only I went overboard.  Yes, I extended my line of credit one late night and now I am buying things that I don't even remember, even two or three of the same item.  I am now busy returning most of them.  However, there are items I have wanted for sooo long that I am now buying, I won't even go into the items I am sending back, way to embarrassing, lol. 

What scared me the most was the enormous scary mood swing, out of the blue, the mood was bigger than life to me.  I could hear my psych doc telling me what to do as going thru a mood swing like this your body can tolerate extra medication, so I took 1/2 of a 25 mg Seroquel and it did nothing to stop the mood, so 1/2 hour later, I took another half of the 25 mg and it worked, within 30 minutes I was out and I slept 14 hours, woke up in a completely different mood, a completely different person.  I had to say to myself this morning when I woke up, who was that person last night, I didn't even recognize myself and what I went thru.  What a difference a good nights sleep does and strong medicine to help me get to and stay asleep.   Wondering now if I am BiPolar because I heard that only a solid 12 hours of sleep will break cycling and I was definitely cycling last night. 

I have been coming down from Zyprexa due to extreme vertigo, so wondering if this may have been part of what happened to me.  I also have reduced the Klonopin due to issues with my HMO and have had to stock-pile them, which leaves me wide open for more anxiety.  Lately, my mood and anxiety/panic have rendered me housebound and even sometimes too fearful to get out of my bed. 

Update:  Last night felt extreme paranoia inking in, back at the computer ordering things I don't even remember ordering as I see notices coming thru my email account, so took a full 25 mg of Seroquel and within an hour, the paranoia was gone and I slept straight thru 14 hours until this morning.  This morning feeling less paranoid, more grounded and a bit sedated due to the Seroquel.  Will see how the day progresses and if the paranoia and dissociation occurs again tonight.

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Sounds like the Seroquel stopped the symptoms in their tracks - do you often use it as a PRN? A full restful sleep can really make a difference and hit a reset button sometimes. Oh and...interesting about the shopping habit - both online and in-store, it soothes me as well, sometimes buying few things calms me down. bizarre. Maybe it's the consumerist culture we live in these days

Edited by Blahblah
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Yes, Blah, it stopped everything immediately and was able to sleep and felt much better when I first woke up.  However,  it's coming back in varying degrees right now and the filters I look thru are still very paranoid and having difficulty feeling grounded as the day progresses.  I don't want to take more Seroquel as it makes me very sedated, but heck, I didn't realize the time, it's now 6PM.  Makes sense as the light goes down I become more paranoid and emotions too large again, so it's okay to take the Seroquel at this time. I didn't realize the time, missing major gaps in time today. Was hoping this was a one time thing, but seeing it's not, very disappointed. 

Thank you Blah for your response :)  Helps :) 

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  • 1 month later...
On 11/10/2018 at 10:24 AM, Mediconvert said:

I can feel paranoia and euphoria when I am hypomanic. I also like to go online and shop.  I slam the mania down by taking a PRN of 50mg extra Seroquel at night for at least 4 nights minimum.  The consistent sleeps seems to temper the mood.  I hope that helps.

Thank you Medi ~  I needed to hear this.  I am on day two of a hypomanic state.  Had 12 hour sleep last two days, but not correcting it yet.  Have been slowly upping Zyprexa to 5 mg + adding in Trasadone and Klonopin.  Still through out the daytime hours, I feel the mood shifting (take another 1/4 tablet of Zyprexa) which I can settle down for another 4 hours until the irritability and paranoia inks back in.  Trying to get enough coverage so that I don't have to take Zyprexa 4X a day.

Shopping, yeup, did some damage yesterday, oh my !! 

 

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