I had no idea where to post this, so I posted it here; mods, please move it as you see fit.
Does anyone else experience this? I feel this tugging sensation in my chest, this emptiness and loneliness, all the time. It's a physical sensation, very tangible... It sometimes makes me physically ill. I have to lay in bed for hours at times to recuperate from really bad "episodes" of it. I even feel it, at times, even when I'm around my very best of best of friends, who are actually closer than brothers to me. They are the only ones who can actually somewhat fill that void in my chest, but not always.
I feel isolated and cut off in gatherings of groups of friends or family gatherings, like I'm on the outside looking in. I don't talk much because I feel almost like I'm not part of the group, even with aforementioned close friends there. It's so strange. I have occasionally experienced depersonalization in such situations, which is extremely uncomfortable and alarming, and has triggered panic attacks before, but that's not the reason for the post.
My reason for this post is to ask if anyone else experiences this same constant tugging sensation in the chest, that constant reminder that "you're alone," the feeling of being alone, and this sort of feeling that "you'll always be alone in this world no matter what," even if you have the best friends in the world to accompany you in life...
Anyone here around the age of 40 and feeling totally isolated because everyone else your age has kids/families? My 20's were so different - you have college, parties, going out, other singles at work to meet and it's still considered OK to live with your parents. Your 30's are a time where you still have opportunities to go out, meet new people, socialize in groups, but people begin to disperse... All of the sudden, when I hit about 37, i looked around and realized all of my friends were having the 2nd kid and they stopped going anywhere (away from their home or mommy groups). They moved far away in the suburbs and stopped replying to any of my emails.
Does anyone here often worry about being old and alone? Parents getting old & having health issues. Your own declining health and no one around to check on you..to call or see you to make sure you are alive? Even though we spend alot of time at work, often people don't really socialize about anything personal, and then everyone goes home to families....I am starting to panic because my parents are both beginning to have severe health issues. I am very emotionally attached to them (they are the only people I have that really understand me, love me and try to help me right now) My parents are all I have.
Who do you talk to other than your spouse? or maybe coworkers? I'm feeling increasingly isolated because everyone I know/meet over the age of 35 is having babies or adding to their tight family unit. And women with families & young kids do not socialize or spend time with people that do not have kids. It's like the "Haves" versus the "Have Nots" I guess I wouldn't care so much if I had a great career or engaging hobbies that I loved. I feel like more than anything I want a few people in my life (in real life) that really know me, understand me and can provide emotional support, maybe some genuine interaction and laughter once in awhile. Who do you have to count on?
I can't seem to generate my own happiness for the life of me. Maybe I'm too needy?
I'm not a expert. I only barely understand what's going on with me. Two concerning things have happened recently, and I'd like some input and info on how to handle this.
1) My 20 yo nephew went through a bad break up. First love, first heartbreak, that kind of bad. I feel like I was the only one who took him seriously. I guess I'm the only person in the family who remembers being 21 and crying til' ya' vomit. He tried to cut himself, but he's just not that guy. I talked to him for hours. I called him a couple of times every day. And every time he said he was depressed, I rolled my eyes and corrected him- he's dealing with grief. His was a temporary situation created by a traumatic change. His went away in 8 days. He was still sad, but healing. As hearts do. Now he's much better.
2) My best friend's 12 yo daughter has labeled herself depressed. My friend "Jane" monitors the google hangout "Anne" has with her friends. Anne and company have recently begun discussions regarding depression, ADHD, pansexuality, bisexuality, and identifying as agender and/or transgender. Anne calls herself pansexual, agender, and depressed. She's 12. I'm not trying to discredit her. She might identify as pansexual and agender. I don't think she really does, but I'm not entrenched in her personal life, and I wouldn't know how to immediately recognize those traits in a person. I do, however, firmly believe she does not have depression. Jane thinks she's 12 and freaking the fuck out like girls do. This kid isn't depressed. And not, you know, in the way that adults just ignore teen complaints. Not in the way people shrug things off. Jane and I are very good friends, and being able to live with, deal with, and identify mental illness symptoms plays a role in it. We're pretty sure these girls are just reaching for labels to find any way to identify with big concepts. They don't have sex lives. Their bodies and minds are trying to pick a direction. It seems like Anne is picking a destination, and probably for something a little less than attention but almost.
So how do you talk to people, especially teens, about these things? My nephew will never learn. He will cling to depression like it is his favorite shirt. Some people are fine with being corrected about using depressed. (No, I don't correct everyone. Just the obviously nots.) How do you explain to a child that depression is a very serious condition, and that idly picking it like a lipstick color, trivializes it? Or how adopting LGBTQ labels from an already struggling community minimizes their very real concerns? She's 12 and desperate for an identity she can show her friends. I'm scared that explaining depression symptoms would only give her something to embrace, some new ways to behave to drive the point home. Jane and I don't want this girl to act it out only to become it. How can we talk to her about depression in other people?
This is my first post here and I've never posted on a forum about my mental illnesses since I was diagnosed with them a bit over 20 years ago. I have a sense of weakness or shame being a man that can't get his shit together. I suppose being out of a hospital is good. Haven't been inpatient in 2 years now. (Hospitalized about 15 times since diagnosed) Just constant group therapy stuff. You know. IOP, PHP, And all that.
I have a good medical support system. My psych doc sees me twice a month and if he notices something we tweak my meds. Up the Abilify or lower the Wellbutrin, or whatever. I usually end up in some sort of group program a few times a year each time lasting about 8-10 weeks. I must be doing something right not being in a hospital I suppose.
The support system I wish I had would be my family. My illness, a couple years back, was so disruptive to my daily life I had to go on SSDI, aka federal disability. I have worked since I was 8. Not supporting my kids and giving them vacations and such is killing me because Social Security isn't a lot of money. Yes, I am grateful for it but I wish I could do more.
Back to my family. My wife of almost 10 years is growing distant daily. I am pretty sure most of my family thinks my mental anguish is some sort of get over, or that if I was just a stronger person I could be a normal husband contributing to the family. I always wanted to pass on generational wealth to my sons since I didn't have any. But, I failed at that because of my lot in life.
Now after all that, my question is this. How do you deal with close family members discarding your afflictions as if you simply have a common cold and you'll eventually get over it? I'm losing the love of my life because of it, my wife. My mother thinks I'm just weak, and the rest of the family just pretends I, and especially the illnesses, do not exist. Any responses anecdotal or otherwise would be helpful. Thank you so much for those that read my rant. ?
So... my family knows about my problems since the end of 2016, when i pretty much had an emotional meltdown and they saw my cuts, but recently my little brother has been through some rough times (he suffers from depression too) and i think he started doing sh too (based on certain things i found) and i just can't get out of the idea that it's my fault that he got worse.
Be honest, is it my fault that he did this to himself?.
I feel like human garbage also english isn't my first language, feel free to correct me on that.