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Why Do I Hate This Phrase...

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Its not the sorry that is a lie/fake. It is the attempt to relate or help when you know you can't. Acting like you have to respond when you don't. Saying sorry for something you aren't responsible for. 

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Also, because you're adding yourself to an experience you didn't have. It doesn't make sense. Who does that unless they feel forced and obliged to? 

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11 minutes ago, Hopelessly Broken said:

Its not the sorry that is a lie/fake. It is the attempt to relate or help when you know you can't. Acting like you have to respond when you don't. Saying sorry for something you aren't responsible for. 

 

Just now, Hopelessly Broken said:

Also, because you're adding yourself to an experience you didn't have. It doesn't make sense. Who does that unless they feel forced and obliged to? 

I don't understand how expressing sorrow about someone else's bad experience is adding yourself to it. I personally don't see it that way and I think people want to try to offer kind words when they are not sure how to help. Perhaps some people do it with a snooty tone or something but that's never been my experience. I still disagree that it's fake or not genuine to say it (generally speaking). There is nothing wrong with wanting to help someone even when you are unsure how to do it. Sometimes I feel within the mental health community that there's huge criticism of people who cannot relate or are unsure of what to do. Like anyone who doesn't relate with what mental illness is like can't do ANYTHING right. 

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Posted (edited)

"I'm sorry that happened". Literally putting yourself first and talking from your perspective. The experience isn't yours. You aren't responsible, you aren't guilty, so there is no reason to apologise. 

You are putting your emotional reaction first. It makes the impact of the experience on the person seem less. 

Its not about being unsure how to help. Anyone with common sense knows that they can't help in a significant way in this scenario. You literally wrote that yourself. If you can't help, it looks phoney when you try to because you aren't acting authentically. 

I have no criticism towards people who can't relate, I just wish they wouldn't try to when they can't. I don't think that they can't do anything right either. Just that they don't always have a place to comment and should be more aware of their limitations instead of acting like they have none. It isn't their fault they can't relate but they shouldn't act like they can. 

Edited by Hopelessly Broken

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To be honest, the main reason why I'm not buying the whole "people are unsure" is because it doesn't make sense to apologise when you could just say that and ask the person how to help if you are so interested in doing so, instead of talking from your perspective. 

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@Hopelessly Broken I see what you're saying. I think we just perceive it differently. I've learned that ultimately I can't control anything outside myself, including what people say or what they do, so why get bothered over it. But as I said I also believe people are usually trying their best. 

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