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This is something I’m thinking about a lot lately. People without a mental illness don’t understand the costs we have: broken relationships, lost jobs, and poor spending episodes (putting it mildly). Add in all the costs of meds, doctor visits, therapy appointments - I didn’t choose this, but it is what it is.

Staying on meds, for me, has created some stability after years without any. But now I face homelessness in a couple days unless a miracle occurs. I’m pissed off at myself for HAVING this, although I can’t control that I do.

I’ve been depressed for quite a while, but still able to get to work. Over a year ago, when first diagnosed, I was off a few months, a total wreck, and am still crawling out from the financial fallout.  Last month the pdoc added a new med. Within a week, I was hearing voices (not something I do) and was terribly depressed and had suicidal ideation. I quit the med and felt better within a week. During that time I took two days off work and hibernated, feeling hopeless and majorly depressed the first day. The next day I went to the pdoc and told her the effects of the new med I’d stopped. I went because my work demands a dr note to return to work. Telling her I felt like crap but have to work because I’m alone and have no back-up for money, I needed the note. She refused and said I’d get no note until I went through IOP.  I went and after week 3 I told a dr there I’m ok and can’t continue because I must work. Got the note, no problem. They said they wanted me to stay off at least 2 more weeks, maybe more, but gave me the release. *sigh*

Been back at work a couple wks and doing pretty well. The first of the month came and I had no way to pay my rent. A small disability pymt was expected but hadn’t arrived (not enough for rent anyway). The way our pay works, and since I was gone 3 wks, no pay for me until the end of the month.

Yesterday I came home to a 3 day notice on my door. The property management is a big corporation and not willing to even give a few days and see from my dr release I’ve been out, doctor’s orders. I’ve asked a couple of people but they can’t help. I’m sad that I’ve failed. Loathing myself and my illness at all right now, I’m just hit in the face how much having this sucks. 

The costs go way beyond buying something one doesn’t need. Even when doing things the way they’re supposed to be done, it still can bite ya in the butt. Tired. Exhausted. Fed up.

Rant over.


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Is there any chance of overtime or something to raise a bit more?  I haven’t been in this position lately but in past when I needed emergency money I cleaned some houses (not remotely my line of work) and got a friend to pay me for a days temp work. Any options to help raise some emergency money?  I do think it takes time to evict in most places, is there a local legal aid or tenant union you can ask for advice?  Also in desperation I could take a cash advance on my credit card, not ideal and maybe not possible for you but I’ll throw that out just in case. Mainly at this point I just run up huge debt but I’ve been without funds or resources in the past so I know it’s hard to generate funds. Don’t give up yet, but call legal aid or whoever helps tenants in your area. 

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Thank you. I was able on the 3rd day to borrow money from my ex (an uncomfortable conversation, as I also told him why the doctor had me off - which does not excuse but may explain a whole lot of undiagnosed behavior from a couple decades ago when we were married - but glad I did it) and am grateful. I never want to go through how literally sick I made myself last weekend. I know I tend to instantly go to the worse case scenario. I do know about the UD and that it takes time to actually evict (California) - was just fed up with my situation and how I seem to go one step forward, two back.

Thank God I have no credit cards. I know I’m not mentally at the point, yet, that I’d always use them responsibly (being honest). I’m looking for weekend only p/t work to supplement my f/t job. I don’t know if anyone else finds the 2nd job thought  overwhelming. My meds help me, but make me tired and  I’m exhausted, especially since my job entails working all day with very needy people (financially and/or mentally). It can be draining. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Rents are high in this state, even in a metropolitan suburb. Not keen on changing my location since I live in the cheapest area around the area and my grown kids live within an hour. I know it’s my choice to not move to another state.  So the search is on for weekend work. I sincerely hope I keep it together and have no more time off! I sure appreciate the replies.

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 10/14/2018 at 12:07 AM, AyYiYikes said:

This is something I’m thinking about a lot lately. People without a mental illness don’t understand the costs we have: broken relationships, lost jobs, and poor spending episodes (putting it mildly). Add in all the costs of meds, doctor visits, therapy appointments - I didn’t choose this, but it is what it is.

Between jobs right now.  I got fired after a mandatory hospitalization.  Credit wrecked.  So much debt.  I've fallen down so many times, but my family loves me, and my partner is still with me, even though I think his patience may be wearing out.  He wants me to get off Ativan.  I watched a video of a grizzly cub climbing up the side of a snow-covered mountain.  He kept sliding backwards, down the mountain.  But after every slide, he would start to climb again.  Eventually he got better at navigating the mountain, and finally he made it to the top.  I have to just.  keep.  climbing.

Oh, I have a job interview tomorrow.  And I'm meeting with a new tdoc tomorrow.  And my pdoc emailed me back.  Three good things.  Wish me luck, if anyone reads this.  Just.  Keep.  Climbing.

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