I fucking hate how ugly I am.
I have naturally curly and wavy hair like that girl on Peanuts. It's really messy and whenever I try to comb it always goes back to the way it was as if I've never combed in the first place with 3 minutes. Everyone at school makes fun of me by calling me a "crackhead" and a homeless person because of my hairstyle.
I am also morbidly obese, weighing 237 pounds. I hate how fat I am and I used to wear jackets all the time even in the summer to try to hide my fat. I also try to hold my breath to be temporarily skinnier. I trying to lose weight but it's impossible as I don't have access to any gyms especially since I'm only 16 and I'm not really the well off type.
I also eat a shitton and I'm really impulsive about it. I'll try to commit to eating less and healthy but 5 seconds later I've downed a whole tub of ice cream and I've only realized it when it's too late and I feel guilt.
I've contemplated starving myself as a result to lose weight.
Is anyone else going through similar stuff? Anyone have any advice?
I am being targeted and bullied by my neighbors where I live. I currently live in an independent living home. I am the youngest one here (67 years old). Other neighbors who live in my building admitted that I have been singled out and targeted by the bullies that live here. It seems that no matter where I live, I get singled out and bullied. Must be something I am doing.
In my new independent living home, there are groups of women that stick together and have scheming get-togethers. I was invited to one and never went back. Unfortunately before I discovered one such neighbor was a party to all this, I had confided in her. She roped me in very easily. I am alone and isolated and there is no support in my life. So, I am easy target. I also am a nice person who does not have the ability to actively hurt someone.
I try to get away from these groups (I call them the axis of evils), I put their calls on block so they can no longer text me, I unfriended them on Facebook (I no longer go there anymore). If they don't talk to me once a week, they will send out an alert to go and find me or they will call the cops and to do a welfare check on me. They bang on my door at all hours and yell my name thru the door to get me to come to the door, then they bust in almost knocking me over and sit down for a "chat". While they are chatting they start taking pictures of my cat and my apartment. I should have asked why they were taking pictures inside my apartment, but I dissociated and could not defend myself. I no longer allow them in my home. I won't talk to them over the phone nor text them, nor return their phone calls. The next time they call in a welfare check on me, I will cite them for harassment with the police when they show up. This group of women have admitted to me they are mean and will take action against others who live here if they don't like them, which I have witnessed. So, for now, I walk on egg-shells around them.
I stay away from everyone now, keep my blinds closed and don't answer the phone unless I know who it is calling me. My psych doc upped my maintenance medication and added new medication. He's been calling me frequently to see how I am. I do live with sui*ide ideation, so he's worried about me. Unfortunately I am living in Section 8 Housing, so moving is very difficult to do. So, just trying to keep myself safe from the "Axis of Evil".
Needed to vent to get it out there what I am living with. Thank you for reading.
In December I moved into a independent senior home compromised of 184 residents from living in a regular apartment. I am the youngest here at the age of 65. It can be depressing most days seeing all the aging and what happens to them. It seems the ambulance comes around the clock here. I finally had to put up room darkening curtains as the red lights from the ambulance kept waking me up at night.
Sooooo.... I joined two groups here right off the bat. One was a Bible study group and the second one is a crochet/knitting group. I was bullied or chased out of the the Bible study group by members in the knitting group and elected to stay in the crochet/knitting group. The purpose was to learn how to crochet, so I have been enduring bullying from the members there almost daily. Little did I know I made a huge error in leaving the Bible study group. Of all the 8 members in the crochet/knitting group, all of them are extreme bullies. I do not drive, nor do I have a car, but they all go out together and do not include me but they talk about their outings in front of me.
The members do not see me as being disabled, they see me as being the weakest link in the group, or so I was told. Not one day goes by that I am not bullied by a member there. So, I dropped out of the crochet/knitting group.
There is one last group, a card game group that meets once a week and one member that always comes late bullies me in that game. I am almost ready to give up on that one.
Being elderly, disabled and not in the greatest of shape makes it hard to make friends.
I now sleep almost around the clock and isolating to avoid being bullied. I have never had keen social skills and miss social clues. My only outings are doctors appointments and I am feeling more and more depressed. I do not have access to psycho therapy as my HMO limits visits there to only 40 minutes once a month.
This is a familiar theme in my life. My family of origin bullied me, my ex- husband did the same and it seems I must be wearing a sign "kick me, I'm weak".
I feel trapped, isolated, bullied and my self esteem is really hurting right now.
Thank you for listening to my vent, I just needed to talk about what's going on with me now.