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Worked up and i don't know what to do

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I have dp/dr and possibly ddnos, but the more i keep my anxiety under control, the less i dissociate. I have  been working on stress reduction and other things and have not dealt with the dissociative disorders, but they have not been troubling me.

i went to a dbsa, mood disorder support group.  the name of  the Dr i saw in 2014 about dissociation came up.  For some reasn, thinkng back has brought back my confusion, questions, concerns.

i tried to find my report from him, but the file is gone and i can't find my copy.  I know my tdoc has something, i dont know if i gave her the full report.

i was thinkng of going out of network to see him, but i am going to talk to my tdoc about that.  She is open minded and may be able to help me in different ways than she has been.  I want someone to validate that i hurt. That sometimes life sucks.  That it isnt all my fault.

anyways, i started reading on dssociative disorders and trauma and am shaking. It has me upset but i cant explain.

the thing is, i was at my worst when my children were small. 3 and 6 or so.  I was regressing, felt the prescence of other parts, dissociated often. But it has not been an issue for a long time.

i am freaking out and i dont know where to turn. 



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Thanks tryp. It is inside and not feeling like I have anywhere to go. I did text her. I feel like she can get back to me Mon if I am breaking a boundary.  I told her i am safe, just overwhelmed.

I feel like everyone says it is all a delusion and maybe it is, I don't know.  I don't want to confuse anyone that DID is somehow related to psychosis.

I mean the psychologist that did some testing said ddnos with fragments, but that was going off what I told him.  No one has ever noticed anything from the outside. I don't have amnesia.

I was thinking of going out of network to see him for therapy, but I don't know if that is a good idea so I am going to talk to my tdoc.

i am stirred up. Things on the outside are fine


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Inside problems are really hard - I don't know what yours are like, but I have my own and it feels very...fragmenting, and difficult to talk about/get support around/sort through.

I don't have amnesia either but I definitely have DDNOS.  I go through a lot of self-doubting about it - I don't know.  It's all very confusing, especially when psychosis gets involved.

I'm glad you texted your therapist :)

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She texted back. I will talk with her tomorrow.  I hope she can squeeze me in for an appt soon

i feel more anxiety than anything else and as if everything is urgent.

i have trouble knowing how i feel. I used to feel numb a lot.  I hate getting emotional

and, i dont feel like i belong anywhere  thanks for talking with me 

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I spoke with tdoc this morning.  She Reminded me of some coping skills and made an appt for this afternoon.  She  thinks i will be distracted at work. I hope so.

she did reassure me that psychotic and trauma symptoms can present in the same person and can overlap.

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