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It just happened again.....


~nestling~

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The background is this - I feel crappy and vulnerable because I've got my period, and its heavy this month, and I've got cramps, and ibuprofen eases them but interacts with my other medication to give me headaches..... And I've just had a difficult and emotionally intense therapy session so I'm feeling raw and wanting to withdraw somewhere safe where I can get my head together....

So, as usual, after therapy I walk to the station, update my Oyster Card (always an uncomfortable thing for me as I am not very tall and have to stand on tiptoe to reach the chip-and-pin machine, which doesn't do much for my fragile self esteem).....anyway, I do all that and get on the tube.

The carriage is empty until the first stop, when a man gets on. I'm sat there innocently writing in my diary and being quiet.

When the man had the whole carriage to choose from, and which, if it was me I'd go the other end to give me personal space.......But, he chose to sit right opposite me. I found-always fine this intimidating and mildly threatening. So, in order to feel safe I got up and moved to another seat further down the carriage.

The man then loudly says in a sarcastic and bullying voice "Was it something I said?" What can I say? I said nothing. The truth would only have incited me to further ridicule.

As it was, and this was the worst part of it for me, as he left the train a couple of stops later, at which a number of other people got on, he said in a tone of voice that was very intimidating and bullying and.... he said "FREAK!" as he walked out of the train door.

Maybe I am a 'freak', after all I have a mental health diagnosis and am not an attractive woman......but I AM trying to be compassionate to myself and cope as best I can, and, this isn't the first time something like this has happened. and it makes me more depressed and despairing and angry......

Why is it so alien to people to respect someone else's (mine) personal space and feelings? It leaves me feeling like the alien.....and I was called 'ET' (I have a long neck) by the bullies as school, taunted and ridiculed and excluded......and it brings it all back....

I don't want to be this way.....but I don't know what my 'rights' are....do I have a right to want to be treated with respect?

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Something silly my Dad used to say, "how come there are so many more horse's asses in the world than there are horses?"

Be good to you this weekend, sweet one and know that the assholes of the world go on just fine with or without us, so why shouldn't we do the same?

If you'd have been thinking fast, you could have thrown your shoe at him or something *really* freaky! Jerk off, rat bastard.

I have always had physical size in my favor, I'm 5'8" and weigh....twice as much as you probably, so the garden variety predators tend to leave me alone, though i have been hassled and even assaulted. You may be a small thing on the outside (I prefer the term petite, because i've NEVER been...) but you are of formidable stature inside.

Don't let it ruin your weekend, sweet thing.

Love,

Suze

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The carriage is empty until the first stop, when a man gets on. I'm sat there innocently writing in my diary and being quiet.

When the man had the whole carriage to choose from, and which, if it was me I'd go the other end to give me personal space.......But, he chose to sit right opposite me. I found-always fine this intimidating and mildly threatening. So, in order to feel safe I got up and moved to another seat further down the carriage.

The man then loudly says in a sarcastic and bullying voice "Was it something I said?" What can I say? I said nothing. The truth would only have incited me to further ridicule.

As it was, and this was the worst part of it for me, as he left the train a couple of stops later, at which a number of other people got on, he said in a tone of voice that was very intimidating and bullying and.... he said "FREAK!" as he walked out of the train door.

-----------------

I don't want to be this way.....but I don't know what my 'rights' are....do I have a right to want to be treated with respect?

Nestling,

You have every right to want to be treated with respect!!  That man was rude to sit directly across from you when just a couple seats either way would have made you feel safer.  And then to comment when you moved?  It almost sounded as if he felt slighted or insulted when you moved away from him.  You are not a freak, the man is the freak for not respecting your personal space.  It would be different if the car had more people in it, but it was just the two of you.  I hate when people act like that.... 

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Nestling,

I admit that introverted US southerners may have different views on

"personal space" than perhaps the average Londoner (or European in general... ).

Making a point of sitting opposite an unescorted woman in an unoccupied

rail car or bus is terribly impolite at best. It's an indicator of criminal intent

at worst. You were RIGHT to move although you never should have had to.

If you had had company, it would have been intrusive and even more of

an indicator of criminal intent.

NEVER get off the train before someone acting like that if you can avoid it,

but watch your back if you do.

That verbal parting shot was his way of getting as much harassment in as he

could get away with with potential witnesses.

FWIW, there are some persons for whom your loss, pain, and anguish is

their pleasure (and not in a BDSM way).  Try not to dwell on the antics

of human trash like that - it will only make you sad. 

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Empty car..and someone has to sit right buy you? Any normal person would know that a woman alone could feel threatened by this. The guy sounds like a creep. His little comment was a way to (possibly) make you feel bad about moving so next time you wont..even though you should.

I am also an amazon, so it is hard to physically intimedate me...but I have tiny friends. A person that goes out of their way to make someone else feel vulnerable is an ass. Point him out to me so I can punch him in the face ;)

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thanks for your support....

it means a lot....feel weepy now.....

I am really naive about things like this....especially when I don't feel adult. So its good to be 'educated'...

I just think "why......?"

Uggg I'm gonna go home soonish, having stocked up on delicious goodies for the weekend, and curl up under a blanket with a hot water bottle on my painful crampy abdomen.

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nestling,

As a New Yorker with lots of experience on the subway (underground) with creepy men:

1. It is not your fault that a creep harrassed you on the tube.

2. You did the right thing in moving away from him.

I'm sorry that this incident left you feeling sad and vulnerable. It's an understandable reaction to another person's aggression.

When you are already feeling down, events like these can be hard to shrug off. I reacted similarly when I was in a depressive pit and was harassed on a bus. By a fellow MI lady, at that. She was likely hallucinating as she was talking to an invisible person. When she got off the bus she focused on me in a very non-hallucinatory way (as in "normal") and told me she thought I was a freak. It stung. And made me feel rotten. The meds have helped me thicken my skin to this kind of stuff and I'm pretty sure that today I would laugh if this happened to me.

As for male harassers, they still make me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. My strategy is to move to another car where there are other people. Usually the creeps don't follow. What a wanker. Grrrrr.

--Weasel

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I've hardly ever been on a subway/tube, so I can't related exactly, but whenever a complete stranger is rude to me like that, I do everything within my power to just ignore it. It's not about me. It can't possibly be about me because the rude person doesn't know a thing about me. They are clearly the one with the problem.

It's very hard for me to just keep my mouth shut and let it go. But years and years of experience have taught me that responding (in any manner) first of all does not make me feel any better about the incident, and secondly, generally makes things worse because the person doesn't respond in the way I think they should.

I've had lots of practice honing this skill right here on Crazy Boards! ;)

You would be amazed at how quickly the matter passes in your mind if you don't respond, remind yourself it's not about you, and do your best to not dwell on it.

But... for what it's worth, I don't think there was anything wrong or stange about what you did. In fact, I think you handled the situation extremely well.

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I've hardly ever been on a subway/tube, so I can't related exactly, but whenever a complete stranger is rude to me like that, I do everything within my power to just ignore it. It's not about me. It can't possibly be about me because the rude person doesn't know a thing about me. They are clearly the one with the problem.

It's very hard for me to just keep my mouth shut and let it go. But years and years of experience have taught me that responding (in any manner) first of all does not make me feel any better about the incident, and secondly, generally makes things worse because the person doesn't respond in the way I think they should.

You would be amazed at how quickly the matter passes in your mind if you don't respond, remind yourself it's not about you, and do your best to not dwell on it.

But... for what it's worth, I don't think there was anything wrong or stange about what you did. In fact, I think you handled the situation extremely well.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think this is such great Advice.

I agree with you 100%

I have learned to walk away and say nothing.

They are the one's with the problem, my life is to important to worry about losers who are miserable with their lives that they have to take it out on someone else and say something mean.

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The background is this - I feel crappy and vulnerable because I've got my period, and its heavy this month, and I've got cramps, and ibuprofen eases them but interacts with my other medication to give me headaches..... And I've just had a difficult and emotionally intense therapy session so I'm feeling raw and wanting to withdraw somewhere safe where I can get my head together....

So, as usual, after therapy I walk to the station, update my Oyster Card (always an uncomfortable thing for me as I am not very tall and have to stand on tiptoe to reach the chip-and-pin machine, which doesn't do much for my fragile self esteem).....anyway, I do all that and get on the tube.

The carriage is empty until the first stop, when a man gets on. I'm sat there innocently writing in my diary and being quiet.

When the man had the whole carriage to choose from, and which, if it was me I'd go the other end to give me personal space.......But, he chose to sit right opposite me. I found-always fine this intimidating and mildly threatening. So, in order to feel safe I got up and moved to another seat further down the carriage.

The man then loudly says in a sarcastic and bullying voice "Was it something I said?" What can I say? I said nothing. The truth would only have incited me to further ridicule.

As it was, and this was the worst part of it for me, as he left the train a couple of stops later, at which a number of other people got on, he said in a tone of voice that was very intimidating and bullying and.... he said "FREAK!" as he walked out of the train door.

Maybe I am a 'freak', after all I have a mental health diagnosis and am not an attractive woman......but I AM trying to be compassionate to myself and cope as best I can, and, this isn't the first time something like this has happened. and it makes me more depressed and despairing and angry......

Why is it so alien to people to respect someone else's (mine) personal space and feelings? It leaves me feeling like the alien.....and I was called 'ET' (I have a long neck) by the bullies as school, taunted and ridiculed and excluded......and it brings it all back....

I don't want to be this way.....but I don't know what my 'rights' are....do I have a right to want to be treated with respect?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I swear beofre god, I would have lit his ass up, I HATE ignorant ass men who feel they can say anything to you

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