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"Memory Torture" and Pure-O disorder?


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During my recent internet meanderings, reading about neurotransmitters & such, I came across the interesting symptom called "Memory Torture."  Is anyone here familiar with this?

No, it's not like PTSD due to actual torture or abuse... It is quite similar to OCD (the obsessional part). The theory is that inadequate Serotonin leads the person to constantly dwell on every little (or big) moment in life in which emotional pain was experienced. I do this very often, for hours at a time. Memories of something bad that happened to me, and exact words that were exchanged, from the time I was in grade school up to the present, run through my mind. I relive the humiliation, frustration, embarrassment, fear, pain, anger, guilt, and feelings of helplessness. My brain intensifies the feelings and relives them in great detail.

Note, this is not the same as "PTSD" as the difference is, many of these "bad moments" can often be accumulative layered memories of very neutral / benign things that wouldn't cause most people to even remember at all (example: small critical remark a friend made decades ago, reliving disappointment over past employment because you hear something on the news that talks about a city where your former supervisor worked.) Does anyone relate?

 

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  • 3 months later...

Oh Gods this sounds awful. I mean most of my memories are humiliating/painful/shameful and they go around the anxiety washing machine every now and again, but not to that degree. I've been reliably informed that my chemicals are not the problem, it's my habit of picking up bad habits. Thinking that by reliving bad moments I won't make them again etc. I mean it has kind of worked- I rarely leave the house without keys. It just also made me a teeny bit mental at the same time. 

The OC life is a very repetitive one. 

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