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Anyone else felt like they've been doomed?

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Who else has thought of themselves as a targest for God since they were born?  Ever since I was 10, I felt I wasn't going to live past 35 or so. This preoccupation with death and doom lead me to believe I have a little black cloud following me.  I know I don't have it as rough as many do, but I always feel like I'm being watched and tormented on purpose.  Always know I'd die in a tragic and random accident.  I don't romance this or think it was cool, I just new it was my destiny from the start...

What part of being depressed is this???

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  • 4 weeks later...

Although I have attempted suicide I've always found it much easier to assume/hope that I will be killed by God's hand instead of my own. That way it wasn't my fault, He did it. I find when things are really bad I actually day dream of contracting a horrible disease and dying so I won't have to deal anymore. And I didn't know depression had parts?

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Every Christmas when I put the decorations away I would think, 'Well, thats the last Christmas I will celebrate." For me it was a part of my anxiety/depression.  It got worse as I got older and finally found a SSRI that took those thoughts away, at age 42.

(I always knew I would die at 30 years, and to be truthful, if I continued the drinking/drugging I probably would have been,)

Anyway, I understand. I hope you find a solution cause those thoughts are a bitch and take away life's joy, etc. (life's joy...I can't even believed I used that term!)


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Don't know which is worse, to feel there is at least some meaning to it all ("the Fates have it in for me") than to feel it's random.

Tragedy is more appealing than Pathos. 

And  (do NOT mean to triivilize this) it IS a downer when you first realize you've gotten too old to "die young" . Who can picture a classic Poe heroine with a double chin sprouting a few hairs needing plucking,  bifocals and saggy boobs?    ;)   I really hated it in Justine when she ended up chubby on a kibbutz.  (Do I remember that right?).

I think it's part of being depressed and young.  Another thing (this is probably  from my psychodyamic background.  Sorry, it's in my blood) - I think it could very well be a way of expressing your inability/unwillingness to believe you will ever be old (which is after all, the alternative). 

When I was a kid (No offense. :embarassed:  To me anybody til at least 30!), I might have easily preferred to imagine myself in a coffin with a red rose at my breast, than an old bag with too much make up and a dowager's hump.  Picturing myself old AND still unhappy would have been intolerable. 

Now at my age, I really DO run the risk of dying of neglected serious medical conditions - created through stress and neglected owing to depression. Handy for us procrastinators. 

Better to deal with the depression when you're young including getting at those tragic ruminations (A lot of your generation are with you, as I can easily tell checking out the lyrics to the music my son lists on his website. :)

by Front Line Assembly


by Six  Feet Under

2. Drowning

3. Grinder

4. Suffering In Ecstasy

5. Human Target

6. Lycanthropy

7. Beneath A Black Sky


"Still Frame"

Says  it all.

There seem to be a lot of sad young people who feel doomed. Speaking as the first generation to live in the shadow of the Nuclear Age (and  possible Global extinction), I can kind of see where you're coming from, even if it seems purely personal.

Now you all also have Sars, Terrorism,  Melting Glaciers, Eco and Bio warfare ...It DID used to feel safer out there.

At least in childhood (when in a way, is all that counts). 

Hoping you find a way to dispel that doom cloud! It's no way to spend your youth.  Later on,  it gets all too real merely through aging.  And then sometimes it's a lot harder to have much fun even if you feel better emotionally. 

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God didn't enter into it; I've always been an atheist. But by 4th grade I was sure I wouldn't make it to 21. Unless I was in prison for resisting the draft (as if they wouldn't send me over there with a gun instead), or in Canada. But even then, the nuclear war would get me.

Later, in my late teens and early 20's, I thought I might live past 21 but still had a gut feeling that something awful would happen to me. Especially when tripping.

I'm 46 now. The main fear now, long term, is that I won't really accomplish much. Of course, short term I'm worried about money, job, etc.

Seems like typical depressed stuff to me, at least the first two, and what you were writing about.

Prozac worked well for me, even tho the side effects drove me nuts. But it was worth it. And either Welbutrin works now, or I'm mostly in remission, or whatever you call it.

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I grew up among Christians, so I got to adopt the Bible to frame why I was doomed. 

Not only that, but Rebekah's children had one and the same father, our father Isaac. Yet, before the twins were born or had done anything good or bad
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