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How to prevent bad things from happening?


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I don’t know where to put this. Mods please move if necessary.

I have been getting messages form the death sensor in my brain telling me that my case manager is in danger of getting mugged or beat up by some random crook. I don’t want her to get hurt! I don't think I can prevent this though! It’s the weekend and I have no way of contacting her or anything like that to warn her or somehow protect her? I’m worried.

At the same time the sensor has been wrong when it said I’d die on my birthday. That never happened. 

But what if it’s right this time? It feels so imperative and real all the damn time! All these messages and voices and threats to me and others. They are so real. 

IDK. I need to distract or something like I’m supposed to. I can’t lay here listening in bed any longer. :( It has taken me a very long time to get the courage up to post details about this even. I’m anxious.

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I know it feels incredibly real, but as you said, the death sensor has been wrong about things and predicted things that didn’t happen. I wouldn’t trust it at all.

Do you have any good methods for distracting yourself? You crochet, right? I knit, and I find that soothing when I’m worried about something. Maybe a walk if it’s not too cold? Idk, I hope you can find something that helps!

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13 hours ago, Juniper29 said:

I know it feels incredibly real, but as you said, the death sensor has been wrong about things and predicted things that didn’t happen. I wouldn’t trust it at all.

Do you have any good methods for distracting yourself? You crochet, right? I knit, and I find that soothing when I’m worried about something. Maybe a walk if it’s not too cold? Idk, I hope you can find something that helps!

Thanks juniper. I ended up eating dinner then going to bed shortly afterwards. 

I need to get better at distracting and not just going to bed. Sleep shouldn’t be my only escape, especially when it’s super early in the evening. 

Oh and yes I crochet and knit as well. Those are great ideas and usually my go to ideas. I just need to find the motivation and fight the urge to just go to bed instead. 

Currently I'm knitting a bunch of lace shawls and I’m crocheting a bunch of hats for gifts and that unicorn pillow buddy for my niece. The shawls have been put on hold because the crocheted items are Christmas gifts. I hope I can get the hats and the unicorn done before Christmas. 

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1 hour ago, Butterflykisses said:

I hope your treatment team can help lower this death sensor. Has the clozapine helped this at all?

I believe that the clozapine has helped me think about it a little bit less or maybe feel a tiny bit calmer about it all. So that’s relief. But these threats or messages do still pop up. Usually in the evening. But not necessarily. I see my pdoc I think this coming Wednesday. I hope she will increase the clozapine and the lexapro at that time. I feel dose increases of those two meds will be helpful to me.

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I understand how real it feels..but you have proof that the sensor has been wrong..

I wish you didn't have to worry so..

Try your best to distract yourself..I know how hard that can be..but you have projects you've been working on and you are very talented..

 

It's taken me a very long time to let go and give details on here..

Often I just don't feel safe or don't want judgment..but I've realized how safe and supportive people are here..

Keep writing and getting support..

 

I do hope that when you see your pdoc that you can get help with your meds..

And get the calm you need and deserve..

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7 hours ago, coraline said:

I understand how real it feels..but you have proof that the sensor has been wrong..

I wish you didn't have to worry so..

Try your best to distract yourself..I know how hard that can be..but you have projects you've been working on and you are very talented..

 

It's taken me a very long time to let go and give details on here..

Often I just don't feel safe or don't want judgment..but I've realized how safe and supportive people are here..

Keep writing and getting support..

 

I do hope that when you see your pdoc that you can get help with your meds..

And get the calm you need and deserve..

I am failing at distracting and just want to go to bed. It’s 5:30 pm. I turn into a big pile of nothing as the day goes on. Just a blob laying around listening to the voices and messages. I have so much crocheting to do, I should be doing that but I just turn into this blob. No motivation. No nothing.  

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13 hours ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

I am failing at distracting and just want to go to bed. It’s 5:30 pm. I turn into a big pile of nothing as the day goes on. Just a blob laying around listening to the voices and messages. I have so much crocheting to do, I should be doing that but I just turn into this blob. No motivation. No nothing.  

I can relate to that..

I find myself doing the same thing..

I sleep a lot to escape..I try not to beat myself up about it..

I've been trying not to lay around so much getting lost in all the voices and other torment..

coffee in the afternoon has helped a bit..keeps me from completely sleeping the day away..or going to bed early..

Maybe once you get more stabilized on lexapro this lack of motivation will clear itself up..

So in the meantime try not to be hard on yourself

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9 minutes ago, coraline said:

I can relate to that..

I find myself doing the same thing..

I sleep a lot to escape..I try not to beat myself up about it..

I've been trying not to lay around so much getting lost in all the voices and other torment..

coffee in the afternoon has helped a bit..keeps me from completely sleeping the day away..or going to bed early..

Maybe once you get more stabilized on lexapro this lack of motivation will clear itself up..

So in the meantime try not to be hard on yourself

You’re right as usual. Thanks! 

 Maybe some extra caffeine and waiting for the lexapro to work will prove to be helpful. I have to be patient though because it could take weeks. I already drink a pop in the afternoon but maybe I need more caffeine. 

Edited by Wonderful.Cheese
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