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dancesintherain

back-up friend?

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I have a situation and I don't know if it's typical or not and whether or not there's something I need to do about it.

I have a friend where I've become what I'd like to call the "back-up friend."  What I mean by that is that if she's in a dating relationship, I never see her, we never get together, we rarely talk, etc.  If that relationship ends, however, and if she remains single, she's asking about my plans every weekend, talking during the week, etc.  We don't always end up getting together because she has some health issues that complicate things, but the intent is there. 

I can live with this as is--I have been.  I have a few other friends, fortunately, so I can ride the up and down/hot and cold waves.  But it strikes me as strange. 

Is this typical?  Is there something I should do about it? 

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I don’t know about men, but in my experience this is common with women. I’m not crazy about it but I see it a lot. Sometimes it ends the friendship, other times they continue. I guess it depends on the severity and frequency of the neglect. I don’t have that many relationships so I don’t fall prey to this so maybe I shouldn’t judge those who do. Not a friend I can count on if they do that, is my take. 

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I call this a fair weather friend. There when it suits them and is convenient. No where to be found if it does not.

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Same (and I’m a woman). It doesn’t sound as if she’s deliberately hurt you, but, I think you deserve more respect and loyalty. 

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