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I'm sort of in a friendship which is turning romantic. Everything is going great. Except this one thing.

The guy involved lives at home (like me, we're just into our twenties, it'snot unsual over here in the UK) and shares a computer with his family. He keeps a blog, which I have commented on, whilst signed onto my blog. His mother has read his blog, and followed the comment link to mine. Now before, she was polite to me but I was sure that she wasn't keen on me. She now seems to really think I am not good enough, not Christian enough, not 'nice girl' enough for him. I know this cos he told me, he was kind of embarrassed about it, that his mother felt this way. He says that he has always defended me to her and that she is a bad judge of character.

This really irks me though. I don't know why I care what she thinks. I guess it really plays on my fear of not being good enough. I already feel wobbly that he might go off me, and now I am convinced that I am not good enough for him and that I am just this horrible slutty tarnished girl with nothing to offer. I know this is irrational, I am a church going, spiritual, non drinking/smoking/drug taking, no pre marital sex type of girl now, I like my choices. And even if someone drinks or has pre marital sex I would never label them as slutty or horrible. But when it comes to me, I feel differently. It's so irrational. Yes I have a colourful past full of regrets but who doesn't. It shouldn't make me damaged goods.

I'm having a meltdown. I feel like shit. Help!

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Karuna, it is NOT you, not you, not you. I can't say that strongly enough. You're talking about a mother who likely sees all women as potential daughter-in-laws, and you know what? there's no pleasing a husband's mother. There are a few good ones out there, my MIL was decent, but I always had the feeling that she thought my husband could have done better. I'm sorry, you said it's just turning romantic, I don't mean to imply that you're headed for the altar, but this is likely how she's thinking. Try not to take it personally.

It's not you. Please don't feel like shit about it!

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His mother has read his blog, and followed the comment link to mine. Now before, she was polite to me but I was sure that she wasn't keen on me. She now seems to really think I am not good enough, not Christian enough, not 'nice girl' enough for him. I know this cos he told me, he was kind of embarrassed about it, that his mother felt this way. He says that he has always defended me to her and that she is a bad judge of character.

His mother is the problem. Why is she even reading his blog? He is not 15 - she shouldn't be checking up on him and his friends like that. She sounds very creepy, not much of a "nice girl" herself.

Erm, unless he actually likes her to read his blog and know unvolunteered stuff about him and his friends, which would be doubly creepy methinks. Is that a Christian thing, like "my mother should know everything about me"?. If it's like that then for my tuppence it's f cked up.

I think I might move to Mexico if my mum read my blog.

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I understand completely. There's just something about someone not liking you (for no good reason especially) that hurts. And this lady doesn't even really know you.

My hubby's dad was the same way. Disapproved and disliked me from the get-go. From the first time he met me. Why? He's a hardcore pentacostal. I had short hair, tattoos, wore makeup and jeans, and smoked. Nowhere near good or "christian enough" for his son as far as he was concerned. Thank God hubby stood up for me and told his dad he was marrying me whether he approved or not. Still, this man had spies (his stepdaughters) follow me around when hubby was out of town to see if I was screwing around on him. THEN, on the eve of our wedding, he gave some girl from his church MY phone number to call hubby and ask him out on a date!!! That man had balls, I tell ya.

Cut to seven years later. He's learned to accept me. He hugs me when we go over there and is very nice. And if he still disapproves of my image, he keeps it to himself. It just took him awhile to get to know me and realize his son loves me for a reason and that's not gonna change and he'd better get use to it.

Mom's are usually worse when it comes to their sons. My mil is wonderful however. I got real lucky there.

Who knows? It might end up the same situation as mine. Once she sees how happy you make her son, she'll lighten up a little as time goes on.

Try not to take it personally. It has way more to do with her than it does with you.

Croix

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Parents, especially mothers, never believe that anyone is good enough for their babies, ESPECIALLY their little boys.  A not so hypothetical situation I've been in was when a guy was hesitant to have me meet his parents, much less even tell them about me, because I wasn't Muslim, had tattooes, was outspoken, smoked, and had a myriad of other things they probably would have had coronaries if they had known.  Yikes, a Filipino/Irish, risk-taking, smoking WICCAN!

If you are meant to be together.  If you make each other happy, hopefully, they will learn to accept you.

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