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What would you call this?

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Ok, I was doing completely fine well not completely fine from 06 to 08. I remember in 06 after my psychosis I would smoke weed and it would throw me into a mini derealization episode. 



I would think that that I was in heaven and stuff like that. Very freaky stuff. In 06 I also gave my life to Jesus. I stopped all drugs but my roommate would still smoke weed thus tempting me when I started to get anxious. 



I was fine for the the most part enjoying my new found relationship with Jesus. But when I would smoke I would be in a totally different world. Sometimes I would think that really this world was Satan’s and that he was just wanting us to suffer. 


But as as soon as the high would go away I would come back to reality but would be left with anxiety for a few days. 



One time right right before I quit my job I smoked and I thought I was dead and that I had no hope of going to heaven. I snapped out of it and was ok until May 08 when I started to have POCD. I was very disturbed by the intrusive thoughts I was having so I smoked weed and bam! I thought I was dead and my OCD has latched unto this theme ever since. 



I cant read the Word without it triggering me. Sometimes I can go months without this but if my anxiety is bothering me I can easily get triggered. 



Now now when I do have these spikes or flashback I think I’m dead and the hot flashes I have are hell. The anxiety just tells me that this is my suffering. 




Now my trauma trauma from the past always haunts me. I can’t seem to get over whatever this is and my head goes around and round of what it is. 

Edited by sonicwhite
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