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self acceptance

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Its pretty clear. I have a dissociative disorder, somewhere along the lines of DD NOS and PTSD. Probably the DD NOS.

I know I have several parts. So does my therapist know. My GP and pdoc know nothing of this.

Its amazing how much more together and whole I feel now I have accepted that I am a sum of my parts and am starting to learn about how they got there and what their function is.....I can breathe again, it feels....

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  • 2 weeks later...

thank you for replying, Kristina ;)

Its kind of hard to explain....(I found this awesome site on DD NOS, which I'll post a link to when I have more time)

to put it simply for now, when I am triggered, or when I feel overwhelmed and need to defend myself, I revert to various parts of me, usually a younger part...for example there is a teenage part that is suicidal and possibly Borderline (I always wondered what my therapist meant when she said that I wasn't all Borderline.....now I understand...) and very angry....a split from that part is another teenage part, the Ice Queen. she is silent and freezes people off, bitter and angry and cold. then there's my adapted child part, the 'good little girl' who secretly wants to be a princess...then there is a another child part who experienced all the abuse and rejection, who is desperately sad and lonely and hurt and frightened and scared. there is an adult part who is the healer/supporter/protector.... then there's a bubbly social part that doesn't come very often....

I never lose time...apart from just the odd minute or less when I fase out and then in again...(like when I locked myself out the other week, or when I get to the till at work and have forgotten what the amount was for.)

I derealise and depersonalise a lot too, but less than I used to.

I've been lurking round a few DID sites...some of them welcoming, and some of them not....but really feel at home in talking about us as we...

The hardest part to deal with is the suicidal teen, and the Ice Queen...they won't talk, or if they do is either self hatred or hatred of the other....the only way really is to break through their tough exterior with love (when I was a teen I was going through hell at school and at home, but kept all the pain locked up inside in an inpenetrable wall of isolation and dissociation....) and let me cry and feel my pain....and then when I feel loved I can go younger...and its safer...but I have to try and remain somehow somewhere in the present I guess....still trying to figure this out....I know lots of the theory, but applying it to me and feeling it is something else...

I bought a book on trauma and dissociation in relational therapy....it looks really interesting...

What is it that makes you feel that you have DD NOS rather than DID?

I know what you mean about wanting to truly know what it is you have...I'm the same like that....but, unless my psychiatrist has a brain storm and actually wants to know about that (and has time to listen...) then my dx will stay at depression....but, dissociating can be pretty depressing at times....my therapist doesn't speak DSM/ICD-10, which is in most ways great...

she knows what its like in my mind though.....knows what's going on...and we're learning about all this together...

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i've always thought of people with DID as being the sum of their parts.  it just seems to me that the parts have to relearn how to interact with each other and the outside in a good way once they are out of the traumatic abusive environment.

i dunno, even though i'm a singleton i really just see it as part of the range of human experience and being.  i wish it didn't have all the shameful connotations that it seems to carry.

congrats on accepting yourself.

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