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In 08 I was dealing with a lot. I was having a hard time where I was living. I just quit my job. 

 

 

The obsessive thoughts of POCD WHERE REALLY frightening and terrible. Out of a desperate try to get rid of what I was going through I decided to smoke some weed. 

 

 

I took one hit hit and was thinking I was actually dead. I thought nobody in my life was real and that I lost my salvation. 

 

 

The delusion wore wore off only to return the next day without smoking. The POCD thoughts completely vanished as I was consumed by the thoughts that I was dead. 

 

 

Doctors didnt know what qas up. They started throwing AD and AP at me. Nothing was working until I tried klonopin. 

 

 

From there the massive anxiety and delusions left on a left as soon as the pill hit. In 2010 I found a doc willing to write klonopin for me. 

 

 

From 2010 to 2017 I was fine, I was depressed but fine. In 2017 I was yanked off of three mg a day. 

 

 

Everydau day was a battle for my sanity. 

 

 

I fired my docs got back on the script and weaned myself off. It’s been months since I’ve had benzos and I enjoy the fact I’m living without them but when the flashbacks happen I start to freeze up. A cool breeze comes over me. My heart starts beating sand I think I’m dead standing before God. 

 

 

 

 

 

There are many accounts of ppl losing it after smoking weed. 

 

 

Has anyone here lost it permently and sufferedat the hands of this powerful drug?   

 

 

 

https://spiceaddictionsupport.org/i-felt-like-i-was-dying-and-like-would-never-see-my-family-again-ank/

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Sonic, I'm busy right now, but I will write a response later.

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Have you ever tried any grounding exercises to reassure yourself that you’re still in your body? 

A good one is to stand or sit up straight, rest one hand on your stomach and the other on your chest, and breathe in deeply though your nose and slowly out through your mouth. You’ll feel your belly rise, but your chest will remain comparatively still. 

I think you should concentrate on symptom management. If that means a small dose of klonopin, is that a better choice than how you feel now?

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It’s so hard to find a doc willing to write benzos for someone like me. I tell them my history w drugs because I believe the truth will set you free. 

 

Maybe im setting myself up for failure cuz I don’t lie. 

 

 

Gearhead sometimes i cant even function enough to get out of bed. My health is truly failing me, I’ve spent the last ten years in a deep hole of despair. 

 

 

I cant stand Christians saying I need more faith or that I’ve got some hidden sin in my life or I need to read the Word because that will help. 

 

 

Not understanding thag i suffer at the hands of these devasting illnesses. 

 

 

 

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Sonic, you are right that marijuana can induce psychosis (delusions) in susceptible people. I think you already had a predisposition towards mental illness, but that the marijuana was the key that opened the door. I also think your doctors were correct to put you on an antipsychotic, but unfortunately I don't think you ever found the antipsychotic and dosage that works for you. So you think that the antipsychotic (and antidepressants) did not help which they didn't but possibly could have if more care was taken.

I'm going to speak honestly right now. Keep in mind that I am not a doctor and do not have medical training. All I have is experience fighting various forms of mental illness. But I am not a professional and therefore you should take my opinion with a grain of salt. I have suffered from OCD since I was a child. Most of what you describe doesn't sound like OCD to me. There really are no delusions in OCD. Delusions are psychosis. To avoid the "flashbacks" I think you need to work with your pdoc to find an antipsychotic that works and perhaps you might only need a small maintenance dose. Just enough to ease the flashbacks.

Furthermore, you have to find something to help with your anxiety and benzos are probably off the table. That leaves SSRI antidepressants as the next class of meds to look at. Have you ever taken Lexapro (escitalopram) or Celexa (citalopram)? Citalopram works better than a benzo for my anxiety, and I'm taking only 20 mg. In fact, Lexapro and Celexa are known to be very good antidepressants against anxiety and they are also good against OCD if you do indeed have OCD. There are other ADs that are good for anxiety. Keep in mind that they generally only begin to work for anxiety after a month or so and can actually increase anxiety in the first couple of weeks. That would be normal. But when they work, they generally work well.

But I think you need to be cautious of becoming overmedicated. I remember your signature once where you were on many antidepressants, an antipsychotic or two, and a benzo if not  more. My doctor, for example, will not prescribe more than 2 antidepressants.

Along with getting the right meds, I think you could benefit from therapy. Gearhead is correct that grounding techniques can help. You can learn this in therapy. Also, you can learn to recognize irrational thoughts and thinking patterns. And you can learn how to react to the flashbacks. Right now you have few skills to deal with them. They hit you and you are their victim. A good therapist can help you. You can also learn skills to help you deal with anxiety.

So I think that you need to find a good psychiatrist and sit down and talk with him/her honestly. I'd also ask them whether they thought I had OCD or psychosis or both. And I would work with them keeping in mind the long term rather than just the short term even though I know you need relief right now. Similiarly, I think you should find a good therapist and commit to a seeing them as often as you can and working hard. The payoff will be worth it.

This sounds like the same thing we suggest to other people: meds and therapy. That is because meds and therapy is the gold standard for mental health care at the present time.

Sonic, I know you are suffering, and I hope you find relief sooner rather than later. Mental illness is a bitch.

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jt makes an excellent point about SSRIs being effective for anxiety, with one caveat: If you are bipolar, especially bipolar l, you must be very, very careful about the dose you take, as ADs can precipitate mania. 

This is another good reason to take an AAP. For a lot of bipolar patients, it’s safer to take ADs with AAPs because they keep each other in check, so to speak. The AAP works against mania so the AD can be safely taken for anxiety.

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In 08 it was clearly pedophilia OCD. Yes the cannabis made me lose it but after that I ceased smoking it and it started to latch onto thinking I was dead. 

 

 

The the main reason I say it’s OCD because of the excruciating amount of anxiety. I can’t read the Bible cause any scripture in it will trigger me. Even John 3:16. 

 

For God so loved the world nada nada you get the picture. Others with other scruples thought have a hard time thinking they’ve blasphemed the Holy Ghost. 

 

 

Every doc ive seen doesn’t even know there is something called Pure O. 

 

 

Benzos are not the answer tho. I will never go thru that torcher of withdrawals again. Yes they are powerful and effective but they numb you to where you feel nothing and if you ever run into the situation of being taken off be ready for Dante’s inferno.

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You might be right about the OCD and certainly you had previously a more classical presentation of OCD with respect to the pedophilia ideation. I don't want to argue your diagnosis because that is between you and your doctor and because we don't diagnose. Just listen to your doctor and don't impose pre-conceived notions on him/her. Things can change, and clearly the marijuana changed things.

Really, I believe you can find an answer to the flashbacks that doesn't involve benzos. There are a lot of psych meds out there to try. Also, keep in mind what I said about therapy.

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