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HowlingWolf

Relationships and Finances

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Looking for some opinions. 

In my past experiences,and,the way i was raised, the guy typically is primarily responsible or both contribute equally. This does not include if the guy loses,his job, gets injured, etc. Then of course the other partner should have their back girl, guy, neutral, etc. Doesnt matter. 

So here is an interesting scenario. 

 

And they arent very young, like fresh out of school. Im talking around 30 years old. 

The guy (or really any one partner!) before deductions makes more than the girl for now. However, after paying persoal bills and deductions (child support, car payment, etc.) They have signficantly less to pay towards shared expenses (mortgage, utilities, food, etc.). To be exact, $300 a month towards those things. In reality, you couldnt really even make it with a room mate with that. So the other person is left paying all the rest of the living expenses because she has less personal bills to pays. The guy does not want to change careers after being almost half way to retirement with good benefits (11 to 16 years to go depending on how much retirement). So the intentions would be paying only $300 towards shared expenses for 11 to 16 years. No raises in this career. So you dont have the "I am working towards moving up" type of thing. This is it. He also does not want to work a second job because why when the girl can pay the rest and he wants to be around more. 

 

Does this seem fair? Im on the fence about it personally. I can understand because he does have a lot more in personal bills that cant be helped, but at the same time that still makes it unfair to the other person to expect her to pay the rest for a very long time. She could become resentful. 

I think in my case i strive for certain things financially. Even though i cant get there alone right now, i plan on it. But it is hard to swallow the idea that someone expects you to accept $300 towards bills for 11+ years. I watch my dad, uncle, and even my grandfather in their time work multiple jobs to achieve their financial goals. 

 

What do you guys think is fair? 

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1 hour ago, HowlingWolf said:

What do you guys think is fair? 

IMO, if both partners in the household are working, expenses should at least be split 50/50......

However, another possible scenario would be that one partner makes two-thirds of the money coming in, and the other partner only makes one third of the money.....In that case, to be completely fair, the partner making two-thirds would contribute two-thirds to expenses, and the other partner one third.

The person you mentioned, who is not really paying his fair share of expenses,  because of extra expenses he has, cannot really change his child support--that is mandated by the courts and must be paid.......However, he could sell his car which he is making payments on, and buy a cheaper used car for cash, and have no car payments--that would be a huge savings not to have a car payment, and also would mean he would pay less in insurance, property tax, etc.

Does he have an expensive smartphone?.....He might feel he "needs" it, but he could downsize his phone to a cheaper option to save money if he really wants to pay his fair share.

The real question is, would he be willing to look at these things?.....If he doesn't want to, there's nothing else the other partner can do, really..........IMO, the guy COULD save a lot of money by downsizing everything, except of course, the child support.

If his partner ends up paying for most of household expenses, it is possible she could get resentful over time.......And no, I don't think this is fair at all, when he could downsize some things in order to pay his fair share.

Edited by CrazyRedhead

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For me, this wouldn’t be acceptable, but that’s me. Personal bills might include other things I wouldn’t agree are essential, I don’t know. I agree on the downsizing listed above. Another option is, could the whole joint living situation be downsized?  If he lived alone what would he do to make ends meet?  Get another job?  I’m all about getting another job to make more money if it’s needed but I’ve realized that’s not everyone’s priority. I don’t think there’s a right answer but I think if there’s conflict around it there needs to be discussion. If one person is working extra and the other makes less but won’t work more, seems like a values mismatch. What “personal bills “ consist of would be part of the question. Could they be pared back?  Does that include going out to restaurants, buying things, optional expenses?  Credit card debt? Those are a choice. I look at this from my own personal perspective and biases and don’t even claim it’s how everyone should see it but fwiw that’s my take on things.  I wouldn’t be happy and I’d want to have some budget planning and analysis. True, not everyone earns the same, but there’s more than that going on here. 

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