"merry holidays" (lol). So here's my current state of play. There are a lot of variables in play which is something I strive to avoid but then life (and things like not getting divorced or fired) get in the way:
I'm tapering off of Wellbutrin XL. It's 6 days since my last 75mg XL dose (before you cry "it doesn't come in 75mg doses!" I was taking 300mg WB XL / 4. Not ideal, but such is life). I'm tapering off of Mirapex. I've been on 0.125mg since the 14th (10 days). I started L-Methylfolate at 10mg (perhaps foolishly - that's a high dose) on the 16th (8 days ago) on the basis that I might have MTHFR mutations. I am shortly getting MTHFR tests done. I started Rexulti 0.5mg 19th (5 days ago). This was reduced to 0.25mg on the 22nd (2 days ago. See below as to why). In summary, a whole shitload of changes all happening in parallel which is exactly what I try to avoid but as I said, shit happens.
So here's the real deal. For the last month at least I've been experiencing incapacitating anxiety. The kind that has you in the foetal position in bed, waves of anxiety radiating out from your gut/stomach to each limb. Physical weakness, shaking, incoherence, the works.
Naughtily I'd previously ordered Valium online an less-naughtily I've got 0.5mg Ativan off of my PDoc. Neither touches the anxiety. This a.m. I tried 25mg Valium and 1mg Ativan and collectively they helped maybe 10%. I was still completely dysfunctional.
The only thing I've found so far that helps substantially is 2+ large whiskies. Within 20 mins of taking them, I feel human, capable, anxiety-free and "alive". Not high or anything - just "human".
Without context, that sounds terrible and the easy reply is "you are an alcoholic, go get treatment". But that's BS. Why? because:
15 years ago I went 18 months dry and it didn't help at all. I was more depressed overall from missing out on all the social engagements. (I was like 25). In Feb I went inpatient where they declared my alcohol intake "the problem", made me abstain for 3+ months and guess what? it didn't help my depression at all I don't wake up crazying alcohol I don't want to drink alcohol I've taken many, many other med regimens where this incredible anxiety is not present e.g. SSRI's , TCA's, MAOI's. It seems something particular to either (or both Wellbutrin and Mirapex). As of tonight I'm dropping the Mirapex, even though it's a tiny dose and my PDoc wanted me to remain upon it. Tough shit.
As of today I dropped my L-methylfolate intake from 10mg to 2.5mg since I've read that a long-term starvation of L-methylfolate (such as my postulated situation), followed by a "downpour" of l-methylfolate can make you feel even worse. So I'm toning that down.
Finally, my questions:
why is it that only the alcohol is relieving this incapacitating, incredible 10/10 strength anxiety? (and I have 20+ years of anxiety to know when anxiety is worth a 10/10 rating) am I exhibiting alcoholic tendencies? i.e. am I an alcoholic are my proposed actions (dropping L-methylfolate dose, stopping Mirapex, reducing Rexulti dose) along the right tracks? any other advice? Curled up in bed throughout Christmas, in bed, with 2 young kids is killing me. Concurrently so is the prospect of requiring alcoholic rehab.
Some subjective insight would be a golden Christmas present from you to me.
Thank you, Pete
By l'appel du vide
Hello everyone, I hope everyone's December has been off to a good start. I am back, on the med merry-go-round and also sober from opiates.... Again (16 days as of now).
So I was taking wellbutrin as an add on to my Prozac, and it really didn't help and might have made me worse, losing dramatic amounts of weight, a lot of intrusive thoughts, very depressed (though that's probably just it not doing much for it. And getting off drugs.) so I'm now on the Rexulti starter pack.
I'm here seeking others experiences with abilify and rexulti, since they are both dopamine partial agonists and 5-ht1a partial agonists, amongst other things. I'm very nervous about taking an antipsychotic for depression, though... And just want to know of other's experiences starting these medications. How were the side effects? If you had any, did they eventually go away? Did you gain weight?
I appreciate anyone who shares their experience. I've asked about these meds before, but I'm so nervous about it I just want reassurance. A lot is changing around me. Thank you all so much, and I hope the holidays have been treating you well.
I will try to keep this brief. I was always depressed and my senior year of college (a year ago) I had a major psychotic break where I literally thought I was flying through the universe. I was hospitalized in for two weeks, and I have been trying to fine tune my meds. I am working closely with my Pdoc, but am getting very discouraged. Any input would be appreciated.
Lithium is what brought be out of my mania, and I have been on 900mg er every since.
I have gone thru Latuda. Could only get to 60 mg. I took with food, but still felt ill most of the time.
Cannot take Lamictal due to headaches.
Tried Vryalar and I felt like I was crawling out of my skin.
I am now up to 4mg of Rexulti as of last weekend. My Paranoia is the highest it has been since my hospitalization. Saw my Pdoc Friday and he said too soon to tell on the increased dosage and I can go from 7. out of 10 to 3 out of 10 in a matter of minutes. He added a small dose of Lexapro to help with my depression.
Rexulti has been the best drug from a side effect profile. If I could rid myself of the paranoia I would almost be normal.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Really appreciate it.
By l'appel du vide
Hi there, I was just wondering if anyone here has tried Rexulti as an AD adjunct for depression. Please tell me what you thought of it, I know it's very similar to Abilify, but surprisingly Rexulti under my insurance + the manufacturer discount card is cheaper than generic Abilify, so I want to get familiar with it. I have only had one true experience with an AAP, Seroquel, and it was actually really nice but it made me sleep like a rock, so I got off it years ago. I'm not switching to Rexulti at the moment, but my psych let me know it's the next option if Wellbutrin doesn't work out.
Again, let me know your experiences with it, and I guess Abilify too since they are similar. The thought of being on an AAP scares me, with all the side effects and such, especially for depression. But I have read Rexulti and Abilify both have "pro-cognitive" effects which is exactly what I need. Also, has it helped with your anxiety at all? Do AAPs generally help with anxiety? Because if I'd be able to get off Klonopin that would be a plus. Thank you all for any replies!