Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

My Mother Changes History


Guest Guest-or-something

Recommended Posts

Guest Guest-or-something

I'm 30 years old and this shouldn't bother me, but it does.

On numerous occasions my mother has remarked about how surprised she is at how I and my older (4 years) brother turned out.  She says that *I* was always failing in school, rebellious, getting into trouble, cutting school and getting high with friends, dodging trains for fun, just basically a bad egg, but now I'm a dutiful daughter and I treat her well(I pretty much do whatever I can for her because my dad passed away 13 years ago and my brother lives in another state).  *My brother* on the other hand was in the gifted program for highly intelligent students, got skipped a grade, was constantly on the honor roll and getting awards for his grades, the teachers loved him and he was a pleasure to be around all the time. 

***NOW***

The only problem with this is that it is completely backwards!!!  *I* was the one in the gifted program, skipped a grade, good kid, etc.  *He* was the one in all the trouble, arrested frequently, kicked out of school every week, and had to go through 12th grade 3 times to graduate.  I'm not trying to dump on my brother as I always loved him and never felt competitive with him growing up.

I'm just seriously hurt that my mom insists that all of the positive things I accomplished are attributed to my brother and all of the negative things he did are attributed to me.  I don't believe that it is just and honest mistake either as we are siblings of opposite sexes, born 4 years apart, and with very different personalities(he's outgoing, i'm shy).

Growing up (and even now) I have always been aware that she favored my brother over me.  I expected her to not like me no matter what I did, but now as an adult it has been made so painfully obvious how she always viewed us and how she sees us today.

I've been feeling depressed and generally shitty all day.  We argued about it this morning and at that time she even insisted that at some point they(my parents) tried to get me into the gifted program because I was *his* sister, but even then I still couldn't get in.  ARRRRRRRRrrggggggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!  It's soooooooo frustrating because it was wrong, but she insists that it was right.

I can't argue with her about it anymore because it just hurts me worse and she seems to think that the reason why I can't remember it is because I'm sooo stupid.

I wish I could say it was Alzheimer's or something, but she's only 53 years old.

If my brother were around I would ask him to straighten this out as our mother will listen to anything he says, but he's currently not talking to us because we don't want to talk to his current wife(long story short - he has a history of abusing women, tricking them, stealing from them, cheating on them, having kids then leaving and treating them like shit so we no longer want to get to know his "victims").  Actually, now that I think about it, our mother would probably think he was being the sweet, wonderful person that he is and lying on my behalf to make me feel better......

I give up.

I just need a hug.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wish I could say I have never heard of such a thing, but I have.

My girlfriend and her brother have a mom with a selective memory. She only remembers the bad stuff my friend did and the good stuff the brother did. Whenever my gf talks to her mom, all she ever does is talk about how wonderful brother is. This has put a permanent wedge in between brother ans sister and they used to be close.

My mother-in-law has taken every negetive comment made to her BY HER CHILDREN and attributed them to me. She called the other syblings and told them how I was mean and told her she was a bad mother. Problem was, I never said it..her OWN DAUGHTER did.

I guess the point of my post is that there is more than one dillusional mother out there. You could be a total brat and get a hold of some of those old records and give them to mom for Christmas ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Guest-or-something

Thank you for the replies Breeze, SerraGeorge, and Wifezilla. ;)

I was feeling especially crappy yesterday and when I saw your posts today it made me feel a lot better.

I know my mother isn't the only mother that is delusional. It helps to hear personal stories and my heart goes out to anyone else who has gone through this too.

Hmmmm, that's a great idea about getting the records, Wifezilla.  I would consider it but I have a feeling she would think I was so desperately pathetic that I had to *forge* some school documents from 20 years ago to try to prove that I wasn't stupid. 

But the look on her face if she believed them, would be priceless!!!

MUUUAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Grrrr....mothers are notorious revisionist hystorians  ;)

My mom has the amazing ability to believe anything she chooses to believe. It's infuriating! She is constantly telling people what a fucked up teen I was (partly true- but not as bad as she says) and that I wanted nothing to do with college until I was in my 30s (completely false- i wanted to go to college, but thought I was barred from going b/c I had been expelled from HS. Nobody told me any different.) Also a lot of minor things, like how much I enjoyed activities that I really hated. It still pisses me off 30 years later!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe you, too. Your mom isn't acting rationally at all. Do you really think she would assume you forged school records to make your point? She does sound kind of delusional, or really, really confused. How frustrating. Like others have said, it's not about you at all, but her and her distortion of truth.

I know that doesn't make it any easier to take, though.

--Weasel

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You brought up alzheimers but dismissed it due to her age... There is such a thing as early onset alzheimers.  It is rare but can strike at early as mid thirties.  If she is showing other signs of increasing delusion and/or forgetfullness, you might call her GP and schedule an appt. 

On the other hand, she might just be a nut.  My mom is also an unmedicated nut in denial of any problems.  She also has the magic ability to rewrite the past in her favor.  When she takes a trip down memory lane, I usually tell her I don't want to talk about it and leave the room.

I'm sorry your mom doesn't really know you.  It sucks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree, it might be sheer nuttiness. Mothers are not immune to self delusion and general weirdness. I'm sorry you have to deal with the brunt of it though  ;) And for everyone else dealing with the same thing, too. I have been fortunate insofar that my mother merely "forgets" or denies the existence of anything unpleasant and remembers only good things (even if they didn't exist, heh).

Moms.  :)

~Faith

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...